Idk, I just, I feel like I keep doing it wrong, and not in the way that you think. Firstly, how do you get people to read 'do you wanna go on a date' as 'you're a cool person I'd like to get to know you better' NOT 'OMG I'VE KNOWN YOU FOR FIVE SECONDS BUT I LOVE YOU'. I've had... well, my last two partners seem to have fallen stupidly in love with the person they thought I was after like, a twenty-four hour period (AT MOST) of knowing me. I'm 27. I thought this stupid shit stopped at 16. The most recent one actually flat out said 'I love you' on the first date. Being on autopilot, I said it back. I'm... bad at identifying my own emotions when confronted by a strong feeling from another person - especially when they're going 'OMG I LOVE YOU'RE AMAZING!!' and I'm going 'uhhh well you're pretty cool and I really want a girlfriend so I'm definitely not turning you down but...???' I seem to fall badly into the 'Manic Pixie Dreamperson' trope where other people like my 'OMG QUIRKINESS' (no I just don't give a shit I don't understand why you do??) and don't actually stop to consider I have a whole bag of Issues not least that I can't do the actual sex thing unless I know you well and trust you. (Kissing and making out and even handjobs with the right barriers I will do for a tenner and a candy bar, that's fun to just do with friends but the rest of it...) How the hecky heck do you go on a first date without someone doing this to you? (Am I too good at dates, is that a thing you can be? The most recent 'ILU' girl I took to the zoo when I knew her Special Interest was animals and so is mine but did I over do it? How the hell do I be less good at this?) (Also why do people have this weird thing where they refuse to go take care of a boner/lady boner when they're in the mood and I'm not? I mean, you have your hand, I don't mind. You wanna fap right next to me that's cool too, just don't make me feel like you're coercing me for sex because you're horny.) Secondly, any tips or tricks for dating while trans? I've mentioned this before, but it seems to be really complicated - cisdudes want to treat me/act like I'm a girl, and the only girls full stop I've met so far are either straight and not into my smolness or boobs, or gay and seem to think that even dildoes/strap-on have no place in their relationship :/ HALP PLZ.
Do you think avoiding the word date might help? I'm not sure how much that'll help (I've been with the same person for nigh on a decade now), but if people are getting one impression from 'date' maybe just asking them to go to the zoo or something without potential romantic connotations might help.
say the second phrase. explicitly communicating your feelings and intentions is always the easiest way to go and I'm seriously surprised how seemingly the vast majority of people think that anything "beyond" platonic relationships requires something different than that. in my opinion, the goal should never be "how do I act to make them (not) do X." just be normal. if they do a thing you're not comfortable with (taking it way too fast,) address it directly and right when it happens (reality check: "you've only known me X long/you haven't heard about X issues/I'm not comfortable taking things fast") I've only ever dated other trans people, and all the cis people I tried to date just didn't get it no matter how hard I tried. it's luck of the draw. as for sexual hangups, I'd suggest addressing those before agreeing to a relationship
Tbh, I have tried the 'I'd like to get to know you better without going too fast'? But then it never seems to go anywhere. They either try to force the issue, or else assume that they're permanently friendzoned and go after another fish in the sea?
if someone isn't comfortable navigating the space of "we're both interested but should probably take time to figure shit out" then that's an issue for them to address, not you.
Same hat! The last two guys I've dated want to marry me within like, a week. One of them love-at-first-sighted me. You could try conveying that you are attracted to them during the course of the conversation and then ask if they want to 'hang out' instead of using the 'D' word.
