I don't know if this is the right subforum for this; it doesn't have to do with abuse, but it's definitely a family dynamic sort of thing, and that tends to end up in ITA. so if it's out of place here let me know, but for now, here goes. I'm pretty sure my dad's an alcoholic, and I don't know what to do about it. he and my mom separated about a year ago, and my dad's drinking was one of the precipitating factors in that. he's not verbally abusive or violent when he's drunk, so far as I know; he hasn't been to me, anyway, and my mom hasn't said anything that would lead me to believe he's done anything to her, either. he just... gets drunk, very quietly, downstairs by himself, and I think he does it every night. isolated drinking is a warning sign of addiction, I know, and so is frequency. and I'm pretty sure he does it to self-medicate: this past year has been pretty bad for him, with the breakup, and I suspect he has both clinical anxiety and autism, both of which he refuses to acknowledge. a couple of weeks ago I was on vacation with him, and he, my brother, and I spent a week in a pretty small hotel room. he drank a beer or a glass of wine at nearly every lunch and dinner, and I found three empty wine bottles in the room. three, in a week, and he felt the need to hide them. I don't know how he drank them, even; I was with him almost all of the time, and I didn't actually notice him drunk. maybe he refilled other beverage containers with them. and tonight, when I went downstairs to get a drink from the kitchen, he came in and talked to me. I think he was trying to pretend to be sober, but he pretty obviously wasn't. and I'm scared, and I don't know what to do. he won't talk about it; my mom tried, and he ignored her, and I don't think he's any more likely to listen to me. even though he's not a violent drunk, drunk people in and of themselves scare me. when he's drunk, he's not my dad anymore, and I don't know what he might do. but mostly I'm scared for him, because alcohol can really fuck people up. and he's been so much nicer lately, and he's seemed much happier, and my relationship with him has really grown over the past couple months. I don't want him to ruin that, goddammit. so what can I do, if I don't think he'll listen?
There's not a lot you can do, and the hardest part is acknowledging that it's a situation where you're powerless. About all you can do, is let him know you love him and are worried about him and concerned. You need a support group, preferably of people you can actually talk face-to-face with, but if not, we're here.. I find 12-step programs a little cultish but they help a lot of people. For me, just having other friends who had dealt with addiction in the family was helpful for me, but if you're not put off by groups like Alateen, it might help. My parents were abusive drunks, and my mother still is. (My father recovered but he passed away a few years ago, not because of alcohol; he had kidney failure.) Stay safe--don't get into the car with him if you think he's been drinking. Drunk people are scary, but they are disinhibited, not possessed by demons; he probably won't do anything too horrible if he's a nice person generally. Talk to your brother. Your brother may be thinking you don't notice and he's the only one. Support each other. Talk to your mom. Addicts have this kind of unreality field around them that makes you question yourself and everything else. Keeping clear about what's going on and communication with everyone involved will help keep you sane.
