Hey! So, to start off this thread, I have to admit to something embarrassing, but fuck it. My beloved primary care physician decided to move to another state to be closer to her family, and since she wrote the prescription for my antidepressants, I would of course need to find a new doctor, right? Right. Well, executive function, life generally being a giant shit, and Things, I've been without a doctor and unmedicated for about six months now, and that's... not going well. At all. I've hit the point where my wife, sister, and moirail are all ten thousand percent kicking my ass into getting back into a doctor, but all the wait times we're looking at are months. I would really like to avoid being hospitalized in this time period, but I'm gonna need to do something to deal with the cluster of mental health symptoms until then. (Primarily, I'm dealing with unreasonable sadness, fits of irritability, brainfog/exfun issues, lack of energy, insomnia, and a complete lack of social spoons; my depression stuff being worse also tends to make my aspie stuff more prominent, including exfun problems and sensory overwhelm). So far, my wife suggested I talk to one of our friends who does an herbalism business about anything I can do in the meantime, and also said we could definitely set aside more money to pick up weed if I wanted to, but since my brain isn't working very well atm I thought I could outsource to you wonderful people for brainstorming more/better ideas. Thank you so much in advance for helping.
The only "natural" thing I know that has any data behind it is St John's Wort, and that's mainly for mild depression, which it sounds like yours isn't. I still think that would be better than nothing in the mean time? It might take the edge off at least. Taking walks helped me a lot, especially in a less crowded area where you don't have to worry about people, like trails and parks. There's something grounding and meditative, especially when your foot steps have a good rhythm going. But YMMV. Writing thoughts and feelings in a journal helped too in that it made them easier to vent out instead of building inside like a pressure cooker and ruminating on them. Take things one day at a time instead of trying to look months ahead. I know that is super generic advice but those are some of the few things that help me.
Super generic advice is still helpful rn! I am so brain fogged that remembering to feed myself is a challenge some days. We'd talked about St. John's Wort as a possibility - I used to drink a tea, back when I was still resisting medication, that kinda helped lift the fog a bit. Walks are hard when the weather is cold bc low temps exacerbate my chronic health issues, but I could always go walk in a big store or at the mall, I guess? And I haven't kept a paper journal in a long time. I could always try that.
Yeah I hear you on that, that's why I moved down south to finish college. I just couldn't tolerate the winters anymore.
(apologies if this sounds pessimistic. i'm fighting a slump myself so i can't tell but i think i sound like a downer.) one of my insta-reliefs is music. sometimes hitting shuffle will give you something - or just hitting "nope not that one" until your brain goes "YES THIS". and on the days when i can't handle even processing music, i will do Tibetan singing bowls (I often use this video) or something similar. try mynoise.net, it's great. vent vent vent. i have a section in my notes on my phone that is literally just "these are words i need to get out" - frustrated, can't talk to anyone, spill it. i also have paper journals for this but usually i end up using my phone. OR a notepad document - those have the added bonus of being able to literally scream into the abyss and then just close it. poof, feelings gone forever. (you can also write things down and burn them but, well, smoke alarms and such, and it's also way more obvious, if you need to keep things on the down low) keep low-spoons, high-blood sugar food around. also keep low-spoons slow-burn food around. mini-size candy bars, chocolate chips, dried fruit, nuts. buns. tortillas. nutella, peanut/nut butter. cereal. KEEP MILK AROUND. even a glass of milk will give you some calories. i have some meal-replacement powder that, if I have an extra spoon, i'll make into a smoothie, but if i have zero spoons, a scoop of that and a glass of milk and i can think again. ramen. box mac and cheese. there is no shame in eating shit if you literally cannot think beyond "put food in face". i'm on a roll so i'm not scrolling up to check but i think you said you have supportive immediate circle. great. do any of them cook. ask them to cook things. even if it is the ramen. basically what i am saying is conserve the hell out of your spoons. spend your spoons on getting better, not on trying to do all the things that you 'should' be doing. walking is good. you can also just, like, do two crunches. or a push up. even expending a little bit of physical energy will get blood pumping. do five jumping jacks. lie down and die for a minute. do five more. whine about it. do five more. shower when you're already in the bathroom. do you need to use the facilities before bed? great. strip ahead of time, put on a housecoat (fewer spoons than getting dressed again), use the loo, jump in the shower. it's way easier to convince yourself to shower when you've already done half the steps. find something mindless but 'productive' to fill dead time with. like a dumb internet game or something. when the exfunc stutters to a halt, instead of kicking yourself until it comes back, play some of the game. reboot. watch a stupid video. zombie mode is better than hospitalized. and if you zombie mode through the unimportant stuff, you might reserve enough spoons to be somewhat social on occasion.
I have also been struggling a lot lately especially with spoons and executive function and it's difficult because I'm in school so it's like?? gotta go gotta pass classes but can barely function to shower and dress not sure what to do but those are good suggestions I'mma camp out in this thread and see what other people have to say
Thank you all SO MUCH. This is already giving more hope for my ability to get through this stuff. Today, I instituted a practice I'd forgotten I used to do back when I was in school, unmedicated, and about as bad/worse off as I am right now - I got up around nine, had coffee, and did meditation and journaling for a while. It helped me feel a bit more centered. (I laid down for a nap about an hour and a half after I got up, and then slept like the dead for four more hours, but... baby steps.) I also didn't feel guilty about asking my sister to pick up snacks for me while she was out. And I'm trying to just kind of... take today one step at a time. I do have my sister and wife as immediate family support, and some good friends who've all been there through ups and downs of my mental health stuff over the years. I also have two kitties, one of whom is adorably awkward by likes to lay on my feet when I'm being a bed slug, and the other who is the unofficial house therapy kitty bc he is magnetized to people in distress and insists on sitting on them and purring. Things I have put so far on my list of things to Keep Me Occupied when the brain squirrels are chewing on me a little too fiercely- *keep working on building my Pandora stations of music *knitting (I have two commissions in progress, a gift for my wife, and a personal project on needles rn) *drawing (I want to practice knotwork, which will be v meditative) *writing (I have trouble focusing on pure creative writing, but RPing and translating old RPs into smoother prose are both easier for my brain)
I'm glad you're finding things to do. Having things to do, and a schedule to do them in, is really helpful to a lot of people, partly because feeling active and like you're doing something is helpful, partly because you have less time to be lethargic and upset, and partly because, shit, you're making cool things, which can often remind you of why you sometimes like yourself. Shit, I produce cool art things? I had forgotten! Fuckin' good deal! I also like to stress giving yourself things to look forward too. It's mostly a strategy for the suicidal, but it can help anyone who struggles with mental apathy. Even if it's as little as a show you like coming out once a week (for a while my little pony was saving me, no shit) or as big as a concert you're treating yourself with in half a year. Or something like planning out big dinners to cook every few days, or a special treat for yourself once a week. Something to look forward to, something GOOD in the foreseeable future, can really help. Especially if it repeats every week or month or whatever-- then good things keep happening in the foreseeable future! I second just walking around too. That can reset a bad day. Not like, a pits of hell terrible bad day, but it can turn around a depression average. I don't know much about herbal treatments because I am a big pharma slut tho. But sometimes hot chamomile tea, hot enough to feel it going down, does something good for me.
I want to reiterate that St John's Wort can be helpful but please check the interactions (especially if you're on birth control because it weakens some forms).
I am currently not forcing myself to a Schedule, strictly speaking, because I am historically terrible at that, but I have sort of a loose framework for my days. I am prioritizing doing whichever creative things make me happiest rn, though, and it's kind of amazing the difference just two days of that makes for me. I can see progress in my knitting, or drawing, or writing! I can look forward to finished projects, or people's reactions! I feel like I'm contributing to the world in a significant way. It is good. ^.^ Oh, I am definitely looking forward to having pharmecutical help again. But I will be super careful about checking interactions on any herbal/alternative medicines. I have heard way too many horror stories (and have in the past had to juggle interactions like hell from my pharma meds) to just blithely be like 'this can't hurt me!' That's part of why I'm waiting to do a consult with an actual herbalist I trust, and why I'll double-check her recommendations with my own research, instead of just picking up whatever at the store.
Schedule helps some people and drives others batshit. That one is totally up to you, I mentioned it because I see quite a few people who would benefit form a schedule not imposing on on their selves because of apathy/various anxiety fears related to schedules.
I have a lot of guilt and baggage related to scheduling from school, but five years after graduation is about time for me to start trying to gently reclaim the idea of Schedules Can Be Good, I think. Further observations - yesterday was the first day I went out and Did Things since I made this resolution. It was for my V-Day date with my moirail, which went quite excellently. I also got to catch him up on all of this stuff, and he was really really good about it. But even a great date was draining, and I spent the late evening crying a lot and being notably Not Okay, so I'm gonna have to figure out how to balance that.
YMMV, but one little strategy a friend's suggested to me that I've found helpful whenever I'm in a slump is simply, "go make tea". I don't know how much of a tea drinker you are, but you at least mentioned it above, and the main point isn't whether you have a craving for tea right that moment or not; it's just that making tea is a pretty simple, low-spoon-requirement thing to do, and if you get up and make tea you a) might feel a bit less lethargic and stuck in your bad feelings now that you have something else to take up a bit of your focus, and b) will have Done Something, so even if your brain wants to beat you up over "not doing anything all day" or something, you will have at least one piece of conclusive proof that that's not true. It's not a large-scale fix, but it can be a nice, low-effort go-to for when you find yourself in a rut.
I actually really adore tea, and I really adore all the little routines in making tea. It is a thing I like doing. (It is greatly complicated atm by the fact that I'm living with a super problematic roommate, and it's less spoons to avoid common areas when she's home. But I still appreciate you reminding me - it can be a Thing I Can Do when I know she's at work or asleep.)
Update: after last night's somewhat worrying crying jag (I couldn't stop, and that's far enough from normal it freaked me out) and not sleeping more than three hours in the past 36 or so, I actually had a surprisingly good day today. I reread this thread around dawn- having everyone's advice tangibly here where I can go back to it helps immensely. I wrote down three self-care goals on my arm in marker, I took a nap, and then I kicked ass at taking care of me. I cleaned my bedside table - I needed to do something to unfuck my environment, the table's small but v disaster, and it's very practical to have more use of it for holding tea mugs and snacks and nice lotion and books. I went out and stocked up on good snack foods - cutie oranges, a couple flavors of granola bars, a couple nutrition bars, real-fruit fruit snacks and leathers, and some jerky and cheese curds. And, in doing all of this, I moved around and carried things and got some fresh air! It's done a ton for my mood, too - I expected that to wear me out, but I was still cheerful and dancing along to the radio when I went to pick up my wife for work.
I do the "go make tea" thing all the time (in fact, one of my favorite material possessions is a really amazing teakettle). But to me, the one thing in terms of self-care that really really makes a difference is keeping a journal in the style of the "morning pages" in Julia Cameron's "The Artist's Way": write 3 pages of it, as soon as you can. Oficially it's "first thing in the morning", but during the week I already wake up at 7 to get to work at 9, so usually I write them when I sit on my desk; and during the weekend, frankly, gathering up the spoons to do it can take a while and that's OK. Doesn't matter what you write - if you fill 3 pages with "I don't want to write, I don't want to write", that's OK. Once I filled 2 pages with "NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO" and on the 3rd went on a very heartfelt impromptu rant about how bad things shouldn't happen to good people. The words aren't as important as the grounding exercise itself, and the routine of writing consistently*. Eventually you learn that the pages are this constant anchor that's always there no matter what else is or isn't happening in your life, you develop awareness and a sense of peace that you can take with you, and to me at least it makes the highs and lows of anxiety and depression easier to deal with. The impact this has on my mental health is staggering. * I say "consistently" rather than "every day" because... yeah, I don't manage to do 3 pages every single day, but I at least try - even if some entries end up being 2 lines long rather than 3 pages - and I've learned that if I go more than a week without, my thoughts and emotions get significantly harder to deal with.
