For reference: I'm 17, a rising senior, and relatively level-headed and rational. I've taken only honors, AP, and dual-enrollment classes my entire high school career, and managed the necessary dedication and endurance to scrape by with an A in almost all of them (I think I got a B once), which I would think is a fairly good indicator of my work ethic and general character. However, I very likely have ADHD, making doing anything requiring the least amount of executive function hell on bad days (I was honestly ready to go sleep outside rather than do a load of dishes one night). I put off a lot of work for the harder classes until the last minute, because otherwise I just could not bring myself to do it. The only way I can get up and do chores without wanting to go hide in the woods for hours is by drinking 16-32 oz of coffee, and I can definitely tell that it has an effect on my general functionality. Now for the advice-needing bit. My mom refuses to get me tested for ADHD. She mocks and/or flat out denies my experiences because she's a special-ed teacher at the elementary school and "I have a master's degree and I work with kids with ADHD every single day! I know how it works! You don't have it, stop trying to convince yourself you do!!" Any time I try to be mature and reasonable, she shuts me down with "where did you find that, the internet?" and generally invalidating any argument I make if I can't provide the sources for all my facts off the top of my head. Though, even if I did, I honestly doubt she'd listen to them, because she has no trouble telling me that I don't actually feel or experience what I do. I usually just get mad and storm off, and suffer through the next few days of her going "aww, is it an ADHD thing?" every time I complain about anything.The things I've learned to recognize as symptoms (difficulty starting/finishing tasks, distractability, severe procrastination) are the things she blatantly denies as being symptoms, and instead just ends up calling me lazy and unmotivated. (god, I have a whole list of shit she's said to me about what is and isn't ADHD, just ask and I'll drop it in the thread but I don't want to clutter my post unnecessarily). Anyway, since any avenue of mental health talk with my mom is essentially off-limits, I was wondering if there was a way for me to get diagnosed without her having to consent to it? I could probably pester her into taking me this summer, but I honestly don't want to deal with the amount of yelling and arguing that would precede it, or her inevitable claim that I just "convinced myself that I had it" if I do get a diagnosis. It'll only be a year or so before I'm leaving for college, anyway, so I've sort of resigned myself to waiting until then and getting diagnosed by a counselor or something once I'm a minimum of 300 miles away from home. If I have to wait until then, it's not a big deal, I'm just looking for general advice on the whole *waves hands vaguely over the entirety of the post*.
I'm afraid I don't have too much advice for you, but I'm a rising junior at a high-pressure school who recently got himself an ADHD diagnosis and a working medication, which I can say unreservedly has been great for my abilities and happiness as a student and would also probably be great for you. my mom also initially threw up a "that's not your problem" sort of reaction (cf. my asks to Seebs and someone's reply), but my doctor assuaged her concerns by telling her that the ADHD meds would boost my anti-depressants (idk if that's at all applicable to your situation), and, since it was pretty obvious that they worked once I was on them, she accepted that I do in fact have ADHD. my doctor's super cool and a bit loose with some rules, so idk if someone you'd go to would do this for you, but asking them to give you meds to see if they help while your mother's still doubting that you have ADHD might help change her mind. also I have a copy of the DSM-5 to hand, and if you want I can copy-paste the criteria for an ADHD diagnosis for you or give you the link; if your mom's any kind of informed at all, she'll respect that as something that you didn't just "get off the internet."
@esotericPrognosticator thank you for the advice! I've pretty much memorized the DSM 5 for ADHD and even emailed it to some of my friends asking "do I do this?" (to a resounding YES from all of them). I think the main problem with my mom is that, even if i had the diagnostic criteria in my hand and point to the things that I do, she'll flat out say "No, you don't do that, you're not like that," even when I'm trying to explain that yes I do, yes I am. She's just...completely in denial about it, and getting her to consent to a doctor visit isn't worth (in my opinion) the massive guilt trip that would precede and follow it. Ugh. I'm skating by okay in school (like you mentioned in your asks, mostly last minute stuff but it's all fairly easy for me). Also, I'm glad your meds helped you out!
*wincing* Wow, uh, I feel you on the whole Parent's-Unconvinced-About-Health-Problems thing. The courts had to get involved in my case because my mother thought I was just being an Attention Whore and refused to give me my medication. I went "crazy" and did stuff I don't remember to people I couldn't care less about, ended up arrested, the courts found out, I was released, ARRESTED parents and they were bluntly threatened with being kicked out of the country if they continued being willingly ignorant. They still are, and before I was disowned, I realized loooong ago what they say can't affect me anymore. Not a course I recommend, but it involved the local police station, the Department of Health and Human Services, my school counselor AND the school nurses. They might have some information, unless budget cuts have gotten that far that you no longer have a nurse's office? Uh, had school changed that drastically in the 15 years I've been out? Your civil court should have something too. No appointment needed for any of them, I don't think. DSHS, yes, but only for benefit hearings and such, asking for information and help is free and highly encouraged. Unless you're not in the US...
@AnneCliche Hot damn that sounds like a mess of huge proportions. Also, my region is seriously poor, and we actually don't have a school nurse. :/ SO that bit is out of the question. And I don't really want to make it into a big fuss because I have a huge family (6 uncles, 5 aunts, and 21 cousins, all of whom live within a 50 mile radius and subsist solely on drama and Little Caesar's ) and I really don't want to become the next Family Drama Source. I haven't even come out as asexual to any of the family because I don't want to deal with their questions or concerns or criticisms. (mom only knows because she found out I had a tumblr and forced me to tell her about it, I had my orientation in my bio, she wrote it off as being a 'phase' and got, like, irrationally angry when I described myself as queer once like 2 years ago, so I haven't brought it up since) I'm starting to think I just made this thread to complain about my mom tbh. Oh well. I think I'm just going to wait until college starts next fall and deal with it all then, because I think the distance, if nothing else, will lend me some perspective and confidence that I don't have while I'm still a legal minor completely dependent on my parents. Any tips on getting diagnosed by a college counselor?
