documentating is not a word and I know because it's underlined in red but my brain is very foggy rn so forgive the words anyway my psychiatrist requested I d...record my symptoms and shit and then show them to her later so I will use this thread for that I guess I'll just make a post every day of hwat I hallucinated n stuff that day people can feel free to comment I guess so Day 1: - shadow people showed up (they look like big blobby shadows that are vaguely humanoid and have red eyes and they just kinda...loom...mecanignly what how do you spell that) - hands. hands touching me. creepy fucking hands. - at one point forgot how to word?? remembered how to word only to speak a sentence of gibberish. thought it made sense at the time. have since realized it did not. - cannot currently process speech words. - have currently decided I am an all-powerful immortal being with the ability to transcend this mortal plane. no, I'm not joking. I'm just biding my time. - earlier today, broke computer by looking at it. thoroughly convinced I am developing technopathy. know this is illogical. still believe it. - have felt very lethargic and apathetic all day - could not make myself shower. not sure why. wasn't executive dysfunction. just...couldn't shower. couldn't.
I mean, it used to upset me now I know that it's not really going to hurt me unless I hurt myself, like yes, the shadow people may seem incredibly real in the moment but they aren't going to do anything that will leave lasting marks it's still scary? but...not as bad.
forgot to document yesterday and the day before so Day 2: - three voices kept up a steady conversation about what they wanted to do to me and others. was graphic, will not share gory details. - more hands - more shadow people - had a feeling like I'd stuck my head in boiling water, not pain-wise, but heat-wise (it was v cold at the time so...) - forgot how to word mid-discussion with customer; coworker took over until I regained ability to word Day 3: - more voices, telling me to hurt myself and others - voices also echoed what others said - more hands - more shadow people - smelled blood, lots of blood, but nothing was bleeding and I was alone in my room
I...had meds for this? I've been taking them, but my symptoms have just been getting increasingly worse, and now they're almost back to where they were prior to being put on medication. and I'm not seeing my psychiatrist until February 8th now, which isn't that far off, but it's long enough that I'm like....a little nervous about what might happen between now and then.
that sounds like maybe an emergency call to the psychiatrist is worth making. i mean, keep taking the meds, obvs, it sucks to think how much worse it'd be without them, but i gather antipsychotics do have to be adjusted sometimes, especially if you're young.
yeah, I mean, I will if I can find the phone number, but if I can't get the appointment moved up then I'm stuck, and it's not like she can just kick another patient. I was told that sometimes antipsychotics have to be adjusted, and I'm in the range where apparently brain chemistry shit can fuck up them working (I'm 19) so that's probably what's happening. I'll definitely keep taking them, but they'll probably have to be switched or something (I'm already on the highest dose for my current antipsychotic).
hang in there, bro. you're going through one of the toughest illnesses a person can have to deal with, and you're being hella brave about it. i believe in you. *hugs*
