hey. so lately I've been having this thing where food just...disgusts me. the texture, the taste, the smell, food is just awful and forcing myself to eat it makes me want to be sick, and a lot of the time after I make myself eat I end up getting sick anyway. there's about three things I can reliably eat: spinach, oranges, and bacon, and we rarely have bacon in my house, so I'm left on pretty much oranges and spinach. occasionally I get cravings for random shit, like steak or a burrito, and I end up being like "yeah I could stomach that thing I'm craving right now" but then usually we don't have that thing in and my parents aren't willing to go get it, so I'm not sure what to do about that. additionally, of the two times that we had in what I was craving--cereal and chicken--I only got about halfway through eating and then suddenly I just couldn't stand eating anymore, and stopped eating the thing. but at least I got some food in me...? now, part of the problem I'm up against is that I used to be anorexic, and with this whole food issue, my ed doctor has deemed me once again anorexic--even though this isn't a weight focused thing, she's all "no it's weight focused your anorexia nervosa is back" and she says if I don't get better in a few weeks, she's gonna hospitalize me. I really, really don't want to go back there, but I don't know what to do--food is just gross to me and I'm not sure how to go about this when making myself eat makes me sick. so I guess my question is: has anyone else ever experienced this? does anyone know why this might be happening, or what I could do to help it? or at least some way I can force myself to eat without getting sick afterwards? I really don't want to go back to the hospital. I already talked to seebs, and they think that this might be some other kind of anorexia/eating disorder, but certainly not anorexia nervosa, which I already figured. I'm going to talk to my therapist and try and get him to argue with the doctor for me, but in the meantime I really need some help figuring this out, and why it's happened so suddenly and seemingly randomly.
I've never had it this severe but it could be a spoons + sensory disorder thing. When i'm stressed i regularly forget to eat but the issue is compounded by the fact that the very concept of food disgusts me. The only idea I have is try to eliminate spoon drains for now, do some self-care and hope it might help? *hugs if you want them* that sounds awful.
it's partly a sensory thing for sure, but it's not really a spoons thing? like I had plenty of spoons this morning and managed to choke down some cereal, it was horrible and I puked immediately after, so that was...a waste. for some reason liquids don't ping my "ew gross" thing, so I've been living off a lot of tomato soup and coffee and water alongside my spinach and oranges self-care might help? I haven't really tried anything like that seebs's suggestion was to eat what I want when I want, but. well. that ain't about to happen because parents. but it is definitely not fun and it is very confusing. *hugs*
I have sorta had things like this off and one. On time it was because my body really really wanted I thing I didn't keep around(my freezer was shit so I couldn't stock up on some things). So it was like a month of eating little bits here and there, being constantly tired, constantly hungry. It was hella annoying. I have never eaten past the point where I felt the need to throw up. Even if I make some delicious food, if I take three bites and I'm done, I'm done. I do not force myself to eat more. Sometimes I actually had the spoons to make a thing, but once it was made my body was like Nope. Which was hella disappointing and frustrating. I finally fixed that episode when I found alternative ways to get what my body wanted. Apparently it wanted fresh veggies, cold things, and seafood at that time. I do happen to have control over the food in my house(yay solo living!) so getting the right foods is probably easier for me than for you. As for more recent episodes, it tends to be aggitated by general stress and sickness(guess who only had a pb&j, chips, and a small thing of corn for food all day yesterday?!). One of the solutions I have that works for me is a last resort food. Pb&js are my last resort food. I do not enjoy them at all, but it is a thing my body will not reject and gets me some nutrients. I eat one when I think about all the wonderful delcious foods I could prepare for myself, but my body just keeps going Nope. Pb&js are always a Nope, but are edible so it is now an automatic thing so I do not degrade further from not eating. I hit a snag yesterday because I ran out of bread. I friend brought some over later that day so I did eat something. Anyways, I do not tend to experience hunger as much when sickness/stress is causing my lack of appetite. Hunger tends to happen when there is a food I want but can't get. In general, I suggest eating what you want, as much as you want, and possibly trying to find a last resort food. Best of luck to you, and solidarity fistbumps. The food thing sucks.
Sympathies, that sounds like a stressful and spoons-draining thing in and of itself. Since you say liquids seem to go over well, maybe some of those instant-breakfast meal replacements could be useful? They at least have vitamins and protein and stuff.
Also herbal teas might help you some. I can PM you some herbs that generally promote appetite if you want? I just need to grab my books and notes for that.
I have considered this, but my doctor isn't super into it, unfortunately. yes please! @rorleuaisen the only problem with eating what I want when I want is...well, I tend to want things like "hey I feel like a steak right now" and we don't....have steak....and my parents are so not about to go out and get steak.
hmmm i think i experienced something sort of similar a couple years ago? for a few months food of all sorts lost all appeal, and everything tended to make me feel ill a few bites in. there were maybe three things i could choke down with some reliability, but mostly i subsisted on lemonade. for me, at least, it was definitely depression and anxiety related! i had been steadily losing weight for months and then when people started remarking on it with concern I realized that I had inadvertently been going days at a time without solid food. Then when I tried to fix my eating habits, surprise! nausea and revulsion. i don't know what made it stop, though. :( i do however 100% understand the impossibility of forcing yourself to eat something that your brain just doesn't fucking want. it's not just a matter of taking a bite. i'm so sorry that it's happening to you right now, because it fucking sucks. if liquids are easier (and they were for me) then have you tried calorie-rich drinks? sometimes slamming a protein shake is easier than trying to endure an actual meal. broth might be a bit easier too, and you can hide eggs in it to get more calories.
I haven't tried calorie-rich drinks but those are definitely a viable option; broth is also a good idea! I've been kind of subsisting on tomato soup when I get tired of oranges and spinach, because it's close enough to a liquid that my brain is like "yes this is fine." but yeah, liquids are fine--it's just solids that ping my "ew ew gross disgusting" radar, for some reason.
I have this! kind of, it's less intense but more general, so eating in general really grosses me out. possibly paired with the fact that as a kid I went vegetarian, screwed up dramatically, and have had parents + irritation/mom-friends treat food like medication ever since. so I'm pretty sure that's some of it. I've found that if I'm sufficiently distracted, I can eat: like if I'm doing work, or talking to people about non-food topics. there's still a lot of times where suddenly I'll start focusing on the texture and gross and have to quit, but it's better than I used to.
definitely seconding protein drinks/meal replacement stuff. i keep a canister of meal replacement powder (chocolate flavour) in my cupboard - I don't have sensory issues, but it's a non-infrequent occurrence where I literally have no appetite, and usually I can make myself drink at least a cup of milk with powder in. if i have an extra spoon i'll smoothie it (w/frozen fruit or bananas, yogurt, w/e), which helps. until you figure out the sensory issue / it goes away, your priority's gotta be calories in the easiest way possible. it's rad that spinach and oranges are still a-okay because those give you plenty of vitamins. are there any carbs that you can shove down your foodpipe with less squick? maybe potato soup? or mashed potato? (mashed potato w/butter and milk is actually a decent meal) if you can find a reliable carb, then all you're missing is protein really, which you can get w/shakes or other. (you could also mash/puree cauliflower w/the potatoes, or light-flavoured beans...) ... for that matter you could blend just about anything, as long as you don't mind the taste. pureed soups can be pretty good.
I normally have the opposite problem, I love the sensory stimulation involved in eating. Ever since I was a little kid I would eat as a stim (though I didn't realize this until very recently since the only time you hear about eating is stuff like "how do I get my autistic kid to eat" and not "my autistic kid won't stop eating please advise) However I've noticed when I'm stressed I don't wanna eat. I have no appetite, and eating when I have no appetite and no desire to eat feels disgusting on a visceral level. Until I stick food in my face hole and my stomach is like "OH BY THE WAY I HAVN'T HAD FOOD IN A FEW HOURS FEED ME." and then I start feeling hungry. So I figure if me, the person who really likes eating, does not want to eat unless prompted, it's probably a lot worse for normal people. Unfortunately I have no advice, but witnessed. That sounds very frustrating, especially when doctors aren't listening to you.
hmmmm. protein drinks and meal replacement stuff is a good idea, because then I can, like, smoothie it or just drink it or w/e and that's something, at least. I could probably deal with potato soup? mashed potato would be sensory hell for me, tbh, so that one's kinda out. but potato soup would work, and then I'd just need a protein shake or something. I am aware pureeing is an option, and I have been considering that--just kinda pureeing shit and eating it that way is better than nothing at all.
