ok so lately ive been more inclined to draw guro and violence and depict darker subject matters in drawing and writing. And writing extremely morally grey and confusing stories basically with the whole intention of leaving me or the reader thinking "what the fuck how is this supposed to make me feel" and exploring how incredible complex and nuanced people can be. I really like writing about killers and horrible people and how they justify themselves and how they keep normal lives, but a lot of rhetoric lately has made me feel like doing that is bad and that it means im secretly just as Bad and support real life killers. I really like writing abusive relationships and how it affects people (mostly because i got handled a shitstick and therefore i have personal experience with almost all kinds of abuse) and basically i love depicting the worst things in humanity in art and fiction and it makes me feel guilty yknow? My therapist actually encouraged me to draw some stuff and show her but i still feel like it makes me a dirty arse depicting those subjects Also i feel like a lot of tumblr is really black and wite and want everything to have a label and that idea has kinda gotten to my head the last few years which only makes me more inclined to write morally and ethically fucked up stuff with no person you can actually point at and deny their humanity despite how terrible they are, and also more scared of secretly being terrible
It doesn't make you a bad person. It's important to explore messed up things, I think, and do so via fiction (whether writing or reading/drawing or looking) means that nobody is actually getting hurt. I like to write some pretty dark things into my rp characters, and that's not me taking them lightly but, like, wrapping my brain around things in a safe manner. And some of my favorite things to read are really dark. Have you ever read Wildbow's webfictions? Worm and Pact and now he's working on Twig? They seem like they'd be up your alley, I could tell you about them if you like!
yeah i kinda relate to what you say, i know fiction no real and im trying to draw and write less restricted. i def see what you mean with wrapping your head around and im in general pro people drawing dark stuff. i just apply different standards to myself a lot tbhh. and no i havent, i generally dont read bc attention issues but when i do i do like dark subject matters. rn im like. really tired but i appreciate it, maybe later tho
Alright, lemme know if you want to hear about them! Wildbow tends to write some pretty dark stuff that's strongly character-driven, I think Pact is pretty average but both Worm and Twig are super good. Maybe you can make a mantra for yourself for when you get anxious about your art? Like, 'This is not hurting anyone. I am doing nothing wrong.'
yoo ill try to remember that last thing. also thanks i may look into it, again im not really much of a fiction consumer but its nice knowing whats out there
