Suicide mentions tw So I have this friend from undergrad. I wouldn't desribe us as being particularly close. She's nice, but she can be extremely self-centered, and her attention-seeking behaviors grate on me somtimes. (Note: I know it's because of her mental illness and she can't help it. I feel bad that I find it grating). Occasionally she messages me about her life. She's severely bipolar and goes off her meds every so often. I think she's off them now. My problem is this: I live like ten hours away. I can't go see her in any kind of timely manner. We're not best friends or anything. But the other day she messaged me out of the blue asking if she could tell me something that I wouldn't tell her fiancee. Me: uh... I mean it depends what it is. Her: I'm suicidal. I'm fucking stupid and incompetent. I don't know how to deal with this!! I don't know what to do!! All I could do was make her promise to call her therapist to see if she could get an earlier appointment. I've been checking on her Facebook and it seemed like her mood was higher, although she didn't mention her therapist. I know this is shitty and I'm basically a psychopath, but I didn't message her because I just... Don't feel like I can handle this again. There have been so many suicide scares in my life, and I just feel fucking brittle and weak and like there's nothing left. And I know this is selfish and weak of me, but I feel like I have nothing to do or give. So I'm currently trying to convince her to go to the crisis center or the hospital. I don't know if I'm making progress. I'm going to message her fiancee if I have to, but I fucking... I don't know. I feel like she wants something fron me but I don't have it or even know what it is. I'm so tired and empty. I want this to stop. This isn't the first time I've been in this position with her and I don't know what to do. Is this my fault?? Is me being a shitty person making this worse?? What do I do?? Why can't I fix people?? I just... What do I do??
-You're not shitty or a psychopath -It is reasonable to not want to deal with something so fucking heavy and upsetting, especially from someone you don't know that well, and especially if you're dealing with your own shit -It is not your responsibility to fix people. That just leads to a world of heartbreak
She promised to stay close to her fiancee all night and said she thinks she'll be okay. I don't know if I should believe her??
it's out of your hands at this point. her decisions are her own. it might hurt to think it, but from where you stand you can't rescue her. and you shouldn't have to!! considering how much this distressed you and considering you said it happened more than once, I think you're eventually gonna have to really consider what you're getting from this relationship and how you want things to change, but not now. I think you should do something nice, that you like a lot. you did your best to help someone. you deserve it.
Thank you. I was a mess last night. I'm sorry I didn't thank you then. I think she's doing better now. I'm gonna go swim - being in water makes me feel better.
