tl;dr my dad is an asshole, and I'd like some advice (and possibly cheerleading) on getting my sibling, KJ, the hell out of there. Basically, before I got into my current apartment, Dad started doing a specific pattern of dickishness where he got increasingly angry at me for not being both employed full-time and constantly doing yard work around the house, and when I lost my job at the time because it was a temp position and they couldn't legally keep me longer, he escalated really quickly. I ended up getting out when I had a meltdown and my mom helped me get an apartment elsewhere in town, where I've been living ever since. Since KJ graduated from college, Dad's been going through exactly the same pattern he did with me, and I'm worried about how far it could go. Dad's already started yelling about cutting the wi-fi out at night, which would significantly reduce Sibling's ability to get or prepare for a job, because they're pretty nocturnal and do a lot of programming practice work and job-applying at night. Unfortunately, Mom is less sympathetic and inclined to do the legwork this time because she thinks anytime she hears KJ talking while on the computer they must be playing video games, and KJ's meltdowns are much less "yelling and running out of the house barefoot in the middle of the night" and much more "*dissociates and loses a week*", which Mom doesn't notice or blames on video games/internet addiction. So I'm the only real backup here. The optimal plan is for us to get an apartment together. All three of my roommates are moving out this summer, and I haven't renewed my lease at the complex I'm in yet, so I can move out. Now, some considerations: KJ is applying to a fair number of out-of-state jobs, and is still holding out hope for getting a job in LA and moving in with a mutual friend. My current apartment complex has extremely cheap rent and a free bus I can use to get to work, but is fairly predatory and doesn't let you sign on for less than a year, cancel a lease, or sublet. It also wouldn't let Sibling move in until August, and I'm worried what could happen in another three months of that house. But it's an option, devil you know, etc. If all else fails, we'll go there. We are both hugely avoidant and distractable, and have massive problems following through on the actual process of finding and applying for apartments. So: Apartment hunting advice? Job acquisition advice for Sibling? Keeping Sibling out of Dad's blast radius advice? Damage mitigation advice?
I might have some thoughts on this when I have more brain spoons, but I wanna make sure I tag @Anomal(eee) into this thread bc she is the person who's had the most "make sibling rescue plans" conversations with me (not that we've... ever successfully rescued her siblings, but it sounds like you have a lot more resources than we have, and you have proximity on your side.)
In my experience, renters want you to move in asap. They will give you crazy deals if you give them a deposit on the spot and plan your move in 30 days. Like this place I just looked at said they would include a washer/dryer in the apartment if we put our deposit that day. So it's fine to start looking early but if you have money for a deposit right away that can be a boon as far as getting a month rent free or some other sweet deal if you like the apartment right away. But don't let them pressure you since they get commission so the more renters they get the better their pay check is. I got talked into moving into my first apartment way sooner than I wanted, and it was a bigger place than we wanted and we never ended up getting someone to take the extra room and pay rent. Be firm on your move in date and price range even if there is wiggle room, you might need the extra cash for other stuff.
Yeah. I'm employed and we both have enough savings that making down payments isn't likely to be a problem, and KJ can drive and both my parents will probably be glad to have them out of there. Our big issues are mostly with organization, the actual process of apartment-hunting, and trying to sort out what to do regarding the whole "applying for jobs out of state" issue, because we both have attention and anxiety problems and not a lot of relevant Adulting skills. A lot of the places around here run their leases from August to August because we're close enough to a decent-sized college that they're catering to students, but I'll remember to ask.
You mentioned programming, so. I'm currently looking for jobs and I found this website called codefights that is basically a coding game site but it supposedly will hook you up with companies who want programmers. I'm just starting so Idk if it actually works or not, but it's still fun practice. There was another one kind of similar called triplebyte, but they only have jobs available in the San Francisco area. Other than that... I've just been scouring indeed.com and other job board sites applying to anything I even kind of qualify for. If sibling needs help with like a cover letter or anything, I could try to help? Take it with a grain of salt tho, as I haven't actually gotten a job yet. As for apartment hunting, maybe post a list of things that need to get done here and mark them off as you do them, so people who are better at following through on things can poke you to do the thing? Good luck!
So, when Husband and I were apartment-hunting in Chicago/surrounding regions, we stumbled across an incredibly helpful place called the [Redacted Place Name] Housing Center, where they helped us apply for apartments showed us listings not available anywhere else took us around for a whole afternoon looking at places gave us other assorted advice offered moral support when the first apartment we were thinking about applying for got rented out from under us Is there a thing like this in your area, potentially? I have very little idea how to look for something like that, because I don't think there's really an agreed-upon name for that kind of place, but if you can find one it might really help your apartment-hunting process because you'd have lots of support.
Sibling's going to come over for a Consultation tomorrow (which conveniently will also get them out during a high Dad risk period). Depending on how applications go and if we can't get in before August, I might end up asking my roommates if KJ can squat in one of their rooms for a bit after they move out to new places, since they're all going elsewhere before move-out day.
'kay so current status: we have several potential Zillow listings we're looking at, plus the place I'm currently in. We need to call them and ask about: move-in dates cancellation policies subletting policies getting tours application process I'm probably going to need prodded to make sure calling progress happens. (They do all have the problem that it will be MUCH harder for me to get to work without assistance than it is here, but we'll cross that bridge when we know for sure we're not staying in this complex.)
When would it be most helpful to prod you about doing the thing? I'd be happy to nudge you periodically or before deadlines if you want.
Another update: Roommates confirmed Sibling could crash in one of their rooms after they moved out if the place we picked didn't have a move-in date until later this summer, which is DEFINITELY a good thing re: options.
Sibling is officially Out as of today. Still got some "job" and "car" considerations, but they're at least no longer stuck in the house full of metaphorical angry bees, and can not answer the phone if Dad wants to make them staple fiberglass insulation to the garage ceiling for hours. Milestone accomplished, and I will now flop on the bed because my arms hurt a lot from carrying furniture.
