i wrote a fictional thing for an rp, and my partner said the POV character's thought processes were weird. I know the anxiety is a thing but she said it was a different kind of weird and couldn't tell me what was wrong with it. Help me dissect it? Then later her roommate comes in, and this happens: And then roommate suggests going to look around. Other than being scared this seems pretty normal to me? Its a pretty close approximation of my thought processes most of the time anyway, so *shrug*
My first thought: this sounds like a combination of my stress/overwhelm response and my wife's severe undersocialization as a child For reference, I have depression, PTSD, and some notable sperginess. My wife is suspected ADHD, and also has a lot of baggage from a really isolated and emotionally abusive childhood. But the thing that struck me most was the scripting and the incessant need to figure out social cues, which is something typically billed as an autistic trait, although it could fit other things, I think?
Definitely reads as very anxious. I'm not familiar with autistic behaviour so I can't really speak to that except that it fits what I've heard people say hereabouts. what @Kit said about the scripting and the social cues also stick out to me, especially the degree to which the character is focusing on/panicking about them - I script some conversations, especially when anxious, but I wouldn't say I have them mapped out the way you describe. That strikes me as a bit odd. I wouldn't necessarily call the character autistic based on this reading (again, lack of experience, can't speak into that), but definitely undersocialized, nervous, anxious, frightened.
Reads as socially anxious (the hypervigilant monitoring of everyone's reactions/the obsession with getting everything "right"). The extreme reliance on scripts and pre-prepared routines for conversation, as well as the frank honesty about that in the internal dialogue (i.e., that she's ticking down an explicit mental list) pings my spergdar pretty heavily too, though it could just be the result of severe undersocialization + a naturally methodical mindset.
So I did not realize that thats not how most people function socially, esp with people they don't know. Like, i knew that sometimes people don't give a shit about being rude and say whatever they want, or josh around with good friends, but like. Esp for things like introductions or official type exchanges, is that not...how you do it?
Most people have a decent amount of middle ground between "don't give a fuck" and "following a rigid algorithm to try and get the conversation ABSOLUTELY RIGHT". Like, if it's a situation where it's deathly important that you make the best impression (university admissions, most important job interview ever, arranged marriage) then people might try and follow a bit of a tried-and-true routine or script their conversation topics a bit in advance, but usually people don't obsess quite that much over regular day-to-day introductions.
Thats bizarre. How do you know what to say? If i couldn't say the right thing I'd probably introduce myself like "let me tell you about homestuck" and everyone would think I was rude and weird and boring and i would have no friends again. :/ Don't you worry about offending people or rambling about shit no one cares about?
I think usually there is a certain amount of basic small talk script that is followed unconsciously. Hi, what's your name, what are you here for, isn't it cold out. if you then have to keep talking to them, you usually try to glean some conversation topics - usually the idea is to get THEM talking so that you have something to bounce yourself off of. it's less consciously scripted, and more improvised along a loose framework. you don't know what to say. some people are more comfortable with conversation improv than others - those of us who really aren't comfy with it, we make the scripts. it's also worth remembering that the grand majority of people are also really frickin' nervous about making small talk. it's hard, man. and really, if you don't start in immediately with socially-unacceptable topics, i don't think anyone's going to be offended. like, don't start talking about dead babies, that's not cool. and also the initial introduction is important - randomly starting to talk about stuff in deep detail with someone you don't know is awkward, because it shows a level of connectedness that isn't actually there. some people? totally fine with that! most people not so much, they don't know how to respond to it. it doesn't fit their script. :P does that make any sense? i have no idea if that makes any sense.
I...think? It sounds like you're saying that yeah people totally do use the script/list of things its ok to say, but its unusual to think about it consciously? Or that people do think about it in scripts but as long as you don't violate the rules of conversation people won't respond badly to you? Which, the last bit, thats kind of my point. Blargh. Sorry, idgi.
no worries! :) yes, i think the point I was trying to make is that it's unusual to think about it consciously, unless it's in very serious situations like @Rongeur mentioned. And yes, also that people won't usually respond badly to you unless you violate the 'standard scripts'. you're totally right on that one. sorry for the blather, sometimes i think while talking and then my words get tied in knots. honestly, how much you script your interactions with people is a very individual thing. probably intense scripting falls more on the anxiety spectrum, as well as the autism spectrum, but i don't think it's entirely unheard of among nt folk. i think for many/most people it is a socialized skill which isn't conscious, which strikes me as why your writing friend was confused by Lorelai's very deliberate and obvious thought processes. it may be that they have never encountered this before! i dunno.
I think there's a certain amount of scripting but not the same kind as you have here? Like it'd seem more nt to me if the character thought of doing "the usual hi-nice-to-meet-you social stuff" as if that's one thing instead of actually thinking it's a multi-step thing? & there's also some adjusting on the fly, I think? Like maybe I'm wrog here but like it's more autistic to think "so it's going to be x then y then z unless they say a in which case b and c" and maybe more nt to think about it on the fly like "introductions! ok they seem friendly I can be friendly! ok they seem busy I'll make this short!" with all those choices happening on the fly after they see the person's reaction. & thinking of the scripts as big single ideas (introductions + feeling them out, instead of "hi my name is" + compliment + change topic... or even just a sort of "meeting new person" thing as if "meet new person" is a basic single step?) The size of the steps is pinging my spergdar. nt steps are bigger bites. NT steps are always bigger bites. & having a list to consciously think about is socially awkward, maybe not autistic? liiiike if ppl were computers this person is running a script that looks like... Code: print "hi" #say hello print "my name is" + name #say name scan(stranger) #look at the stranger arr stuff_about_stranger = [] #make mental list of Things About Stranger stranger.attributes.each do |thing_about_stranger| #Add each Thing About Stranger to mental list stuff_about_stranger << thing_about_stranger end stuff_about_stranger.each do #find a thing to compliment them on and give one compliment if stuff_about_stranger.controversial == false print compliment break if have_complimented_stranger == true end new_topic = possible_topics[random] #pick a random new topic of conversation But if ppl were computers an normal NT looks more like this??? Code: class NeuroTypical #define what any NT can do def introduce(new_person) #how does an NT introduce themself to a new person? print greeting + "my name is" + name #first say hi and your name, then their name is whatever they tell you new_person.name = getstring end def meet_person(new_person) #to meet a person introduce yourself then make smalltalk introduce(new_person) smalltalk_with(new_person) end end lorelai = NeuroTypical.new #Lorelai is a person who exists and is nt lorelai.meet_person(roommate) #now Lorelai uses her extensive preprogrammed knowledge to "meet person" as if that's one simple thing I don't know if u can read my weird cross between Ruby and something I just made up and get the point from that. & anyway "socially awkward" can look kind of like autism anyway so she doesn't have to be autistic but yeah.
