So I think I might be depressed? It's that or anxiety+ADHD+my low self-esteem have combined into something that leaves me feeling like a useless lazy person who can't even succeed at the one talent she has, and sort of hollow and tired the rest. I mean, things can make me happy and I can feel things outside of that range, but it's a lot easier to feel sad or get all self-deprecating than anything else and my default state is feeling like I'm an empty carton of ice cream: pointless and kind of annoying. I think depression is a side-effect of my ADHD medication, but I've been on the same medication since I was 13 and I don't think it's cropped up before? And stopping the meds immediately isn't an option, I'm a college student and I need the benefits the meds give me. My mom's being as supportive as she can, but she struggles with getting the whole 'inability to do things' aspect of whatever's going on and calls it laziness, which sucks. Having a routine that she's helping me to stick to is good and probably helps with the functioning part of this, but it's not doing much for the internal aspects. I plan on talking to my doctor about things but it feels a little like,I dunno, it's not depression and this is just who I am. How do I start getting over this? How can I feel better?
Dunno if meds &c but this reminds me of this weird article and it's probably pretty individual but when you say "things can make me happy and I can feel things outside of that range" it makes me think of this more than if you couldn't feel better no matter what? IDK, maybe give it a read, I can't promise it'll fix anything.
As someone with depression this sounds like my experience during some depressive episodes. Depression is often comorbid with anxiety (not sure about adhd though). Depression is something that often manifests at college age, or is exacerbated because of the stress. Definitely speak to a professional about it.
Added note, some people do reach a point in depressive cycles where they can't feel anything or can only feel despair, but being able to feel things does not discount it- it's also about motivation and executive function and a low baseline with infrequent or difficult to sustain positive feelings.
So I've been to the doctor and figured some stuff out. I'm starting a new medication that works for anxiety/depression similarly, which is good because I've had anxiety issues for like 3 years and I'm pretty sure that wasn't helping matters. I know it's late but I just wanted to say thanks for the extra push. I'm definitely on an upswing now :)
I'm glad for the update :3 come back anytime you feel like you're flagging, there's nothing but good people here.
