Husband got sent home from work on a 4 day stress/sick leave because he literally had a small breakdown. We're talking brief lapses of anxiety driven catatonia, obvious strain and stress, his first ever bouts of depersonalization and disconnect. He's straining and struggling to get himself settled, and I'm doing everything I can to keep him calm. I'm not leaving him alone, and he's not a self harm risk or suicide risk. Making sure he eats and sleeps at good times, if he's out of a room too long I go and check in on him. Sometimes a hug or a touch on the back is enough to calm him down while talking, other times I need to actually hold him tight and get him to breathe with me till he starts being able to respond. He's never been like this before, and it's really scary for one big reason: a lot of these are my own symptoms that I struggle with day to day. The more severe ones, but all the same. I'm coming out of withdrawals from my Duloxetine because I missed 2 doses and was late with this mornings dose due to all the surprises and things happening RE: military hoo hah an needing to give him all of my attention that I could spare. Spouse has ADHD and anxiety pre-existing, as well as depression, and aside from brief spells of sadness and anxiousness and lack of focus has never had an incident like this in his life and would pass as absolutely neurotypical unless someone was privy to how he copes with getting through a work day. tldr: how do I give my spouse all the support and care and comfort he needs to recover in this short span of time that he's home till he can go back to work and have access to professional help again when I don't even know how to take care of my own symptoms? I'm going to keep our heads above water, so help me god, but I'm not sure how to approach this.
I know this is sorta late but I am/was having a similar problem caring for my partner after their surgery while working and managing my limited number of spoons. All I can say is...be kind to yourself. If he's not in immediate danger, take some time for your own self care when you can. You're not going to do everything perfectly so try not to be hard on yourself. Also phone in help if you can, whether it be a friend you can talk to or who can help you around the house, if not, definitely try venting more here and see if it helps.
I'm likely going to be doing that the closer we get to the move, but thankfully he got over the hump. I kept offering funny distracting things he liked, and slowly he started to relax and come back into his body. A few moments of ice cold terror at the office had him right back out, but he's consistently getting better at wrangling himself for the time being. He was given the task of learning to value himself by his doctor, which is gonna be a doozy to try accomplishing. When it was too much for me to handle, I let him know I was putting on my headphones and distracted myself thoroughly, noise canceling and all, since I can't physically do much these days. I told him if he needed me, he could get my attention or could even talk on skype like we've done when we've argued/had misunderstandings because we react to tone so differently and it makes things difficult till we remove tone entirely. That seemed to be a big help too. The promise of closeness but not babying him. Thank you for the advice! ouo
