disclaimer: i'm not in a very good or stable brain space rn so apologies for rambling i finally managed to get to a doctor's appointment for med refills and now i'm basically panicking because i'm worried that the stuff i've been failing to do while fighting with spoons and executive dysfunction is actually me just being lazy and not trying hard enough. like the rhetoric here of, 'sometimes the spoons are gone' and that i have some sort of value even though i do nothing. these are things i want to be true. so how do i know that this advice isn't feeding into some delusion and i need to just try harder and get my ass in gear and stop being worthless.
No one is worthless, ergo you are not worthless. Also lack of spoons can spiral back and lie to you about just being lazy, which is what it sounds like is happening to you. I hope your appointment goes well.
i heard someone say once, 'if you are worried about being lazy/a bad person to an extent where it is causing you so much anxiety, you most likely arent' because i guess the rhetoric is that truly lazy people would not care if they were lazy i guess there is even the theory that 'truly lazy' people would be too lazy to 'jump through hoops' to find some rhetoric to excuse them of their lazy behavior
people who are just lazy but don't have executive dysfunction type issues will get off their ass and do a thing when it becomes urgent enough to cause them anxiety because it will start having real life consequences. they might decide that they care less about some things and let them slip away/time out/whatever, and they might fret a bit, but not to the point that they feel horrible for not doing the thing yet still can't bring themselves to do it. if that happens then either you've got actual spoon problems or you've got actual trauma. lazy people take the path of least resistance. when not doing something begins to generate more stress than doing the thing, they can find the spoons for it. if you can't, it's a real issue that's worth being explored and treated.
It's like the one guy from the Discworld book about Hollywood. He put in a lot of extra work so that he could be lazy indefinitely.
Being lazy is supposed to feel good. Saying "fuckkit, i aint doin shit today" is a luxury. If it hurts, its not laziness. Not an absolute rule, but a pretty good rule of thumb ime.
Thank you all so much for your responses. I really needed to hear this stuff over the past few days ;-;
