I've never really understood what started it, but since before I was old enough to read, my dad and I have been quietly feuding. He'll tell anyone who'll listen that I hate him, which I don't (and have been *very*careful never to say) but I've basically resigned myself to never getting an answer. My mom is a pacifist of the britally pretending everything is nice, and quietly tearing down anyone who suggests otherwise variety, and my dad is a bundle of petty resentments he's held on to for 30+ years, so that's going to end well. Throughout my childhood, my dad would eavesdrop on conversation, or chat with me while steering or prodding me towards certain subjects. Once I finally said something he felt was sufficiently damming, he'd go "ah-HAH!" and triumphantly announce to my mom that he knew I was (fill in the blank.) This was incredibly obvious after the first dozen times he tried it (we're talking a good 15 year span here) and I got very good at setting him up to announce something ridiculous, and being pretty vicious tearing him down after. The thing is, I'm 24 and he's 71. There's very little he can do to me now, and everyone basically knows his MO. We live in the same house, though, and I'm now very, very good at that game. I'll catch myself perpetuating it, or starting to be nasty, and I just kind of hate it. What purpose does this passive aggressiveness actually serve, beyond making both of us more unhappy? I just find myself wondering how to be more mindfully kind, in the face of someone petty but ultimately pretty harmless (knock on wood). There's so much tied up in habits, not to mention past hurts, though =/
