I...for a really long time have respected this person and recently found out some things that would besmirch the way they appear in my eyes. They were/are really good to me but I...It just really hurts to find out someone wasn't completely honest with you. I just can't really wrap my head around it...Do I call them out? Do I pretend like I don't know to spare their feelings? Why the Fuck do I have to have so much empathy for other people. Being the nice guy apparently means getting hurt a lot. It's seven am and I haven't slept yet... There is too much running around in my head. It seems like nearly every person I hold dear to me has previously hurt me in some way but I just can't deal with it. The worse thing in the world is knowing you put all your effort into someone and they just can't/won't. I want people to put 100% into me too. Is that too much to ask?
So, i dont know what happened here or what your actual situation is but this sounds painfully familiar to me so. On the off chance you're actually younger!me, sup, bpd sucks. First off, splitting sucks. You may already know these things, but let me point them out anyway. No one is going to be totally perfect and you cna love and respect someone who fucks up. If your friend has different opinions than you or supports a politician you dislike then you can try to changed their mind or just not talk about it and agree to disagree. Maybe you can't get past it and thats the end of that relationship. Only you can know that. There are a lot of reasons to not tell you other than wanting to hurt you. Maybe they were ashamed of something they did wrong. Maybe they didnt want to fight with you about it and didnt think it was that big a deal. Maybe they figured it was none of your business. Because thats the other thing. Putting 100% into people is actually really unhealthy. Everyone needs spaces just for themselves, and times for other relationships (friends, parents, siblings, etc). If you're devoting yourself 100% to someone you're neglecting yourself and everyone else and being mad when they arent meeting needs that those other spaces ought to fill. And you're trying to meet all those needs if theirs too, and thats just impossible. You're settin g yourself up for failure and heartbreak if you hold that expectation. Its not abandonment for people to only be able to give maybe 70% tops (and i say this as the full time mother of a child who can't eat or sleep or stand up alone, 70%) its just how people are built.
It's just sorta harrowing when someone you have such high regard for hurts you... It's like meeting your hero only to find out they aren't exactly the person you thought they were. I guess it's just really hard to deal with because I don't bond with people easily so when I do I really care for the people I bond with I try my best to be there for that person(s) and support them in any way that I can. And sometimes they even feel the same way. But you're right I guess I put too much effort into people and hold them in such high regard that when they hurt my feelings or don't put in the same amount of effort out just really hurts... its really hard to not have your feelings hurt by someone you really trust when they don't meet your expectations :(
I found out that an ex of mine who I am now friends with wasn't completely honest with me while we were in a relationship about some things and I'm just now finding out... Even though it's after the fact it still hurts knowing I wasn't told the whole truth. And I'm not sure if I should say something about it or just leave it alone.
