I have a habit, because I'm a shitty and terrible person, of screaming out terrible things and throwing public temper tantrums because I want people to care about me, and then when people send me messages trying to comfort me or give me advice I freeze up, don't respond or post anywhere on that form of social media for a week, and then post again and pretend it never happened because I'm the fucking worst. Usually either I get into a self loathing spiral of "oh look this person with actual problems responded to you they already have enough stress and they still tried to help you, you don't deserve any kindness from them" or i get into a self loathing spiral because "this person tried to help you, you never help anyone you are a drain on the community you should never do anything again" or I get into a self loathing spiral because "no you can't say that, that's too awkward, you can't say that because that is just you feeling sorry for yourself, you can't say that brcause that's taking your issues out on this kind person, you're the worst at words and you shouldn't even try to speak to other people." Plus, if its anonymous I get really worried about it being a conspiricy, like people are just trying to make me feel better so that it'll be worse when they destroy me later, and then I freak out at myself for thinking bad thigs about them. How can I avoid making people uncomfortable when thanking them, or sounding insincere, or like maybe actually trying to help them back? Edit: can I add how do you make friends? I have tried to talk to people and make sympathy noises except I'm really bad at sympathy noises and when to make them and I've tried to be engaged w/ people and ask about their interests and talk about shared interests and ask questions about their ocs and stories and it just hasn't worked. what am i doing wrong?
Say "Thank you" when you want to thank them. That's all you have to say. Really is. It will feel weird and not enough until you get used to it, but people will say more or ask more if they want to invite more conversation out of you in return beyond that. Otherwise, just "thank you" is generally perceived as a sincere phrase without more needed to be said in my experience.
I just feel like that seems like I'm dismissing people and not giving enough back to them. Is that just me projecting?
Uh, to clarify: this happens with me so goddamn often that I feel like just sayihn thank you each time will sound insincere and like I am taking it for granted? And like I'm just doing it to get attention? Which i am so
i don't really know how to respond to affection and stuff, and anything that feels like sympathy or pity makes me really uncomfy. but! i do think saying thank you is good. as to making friends... idk. it happens sometimes, it doesn't happen other times. if you have tumblr (? idk) starting with mutuals is usually a good bet? when i make sympathy noises at people it's usually like, if they make a vent i send a <3 or something. which so far works out okay becquse it says "i hear you" more than just liking a vent post. but idk. making friends is hard.
I thought I was doing that and there was someone I thought I was friends with but then they just. Unfollowed me. I don't know what I did wrong?
that sucks tbh. ive unfollowed people by accident though, maybe it's that? or someone changed their url and i didnt recodnize them and unfollowed (oops...) so it could be that
I tend to do the same thing - rage posts (I've gotten better and refusing to hit the send button after making them :) ). Then people notice I was having a meltdown and say nice things. At first I did like you - ignore it and the media it happened on for a while, then return as if nothing happened. BUT then I had to trim the number of places I go to (too many of them inspired the rage too often) and couldn't ignore the few that were left or I'd be alone. So I started doing the "Thank you. I hope I didn't mess up your day." type of responses and it seems to work well.
Seconding (thirding? why English do the thing) the "just say thank you" advice - I'm often the person comforting other people, and I rarely to never feel dismissed by a simple "thanks" or "I appreciate that". As for the making friends thing... it's hard, but I've found the best luck with the "mutual interests" bit. Sometimes people click and sometimes they don't, because the human brain is interesting and mysterious, but having the mutual interest and then talking about a few other things you may have in common is what works best for me. Also, sharing one or two small personal things after a conversation or two about fandoms or OCs or something like that tends to be seen as a show of trust and liking and can help deepen a growing friendship. That may be super obvious but idk.
That can make it easier to say, sometimes. You mean it, but because it's "not words" you can allow yourself to say it where other things might get stuck for having too much feelings attached. :)
If it starts to look too rote to you, maybe try phrasing the thank you in slightly different ways? Like, one could be 'thanks' and another could be 'really appreciated that' and so on. Still just saying thank you, but varying the wording a little so you don't feel like you're repeating yourself so much.
