I know it's healthier to work out your problems with people than to just pretend they don't exist, but... in a lot of these cases I'm pretty sure most of the problems are just my problems that I shouldn't ask them to address, and hopefully some people don't even know that I have "bitch eating crackers" levels of hatred for them because it would be unkind to tell them that, right? And so I shouldn't try to work things out because that would just be needless hurt? ...I don't even know what I'm asking here. I guess just. I'm worried that I have too many people on ignore and that I shouldn't do that. Or something.
Depends somewhat on forum. On tumblr, I tend to look very negatively on any blocking that's not for porn blogs and the like because of the massive harmful effect on everyone else's conversations. Here, I wouldn't think it'd be a big deal, usually? I dunno. Most forums that have an ignore feature, I end up with maybe a couple of people on ignore. Past that... I mean, to some extent it's definitely worth trying to work those things out, but not necessarily with those people unless you think they need to be involved. Sometimes they don't. If I have trouble with someone, sometimes I just sorta talk it over with a friend until I feel better or reach a clearer understanding. Side note: It is super important to only do this with people who actually calm you down. If someone is prone to escalating your sense of distress, that's often a bad sign. I mean, maybe sometimes the right answer is "no, that's seriously not okay, you should not put up with it", but... If they're never saying "hey, you're overreacting here", find someone who will say that sometimes. Because basically everyone is overreacting sometimes. And I know you've had a couple of clashes with people recently, and I'm pretty sure at least some of them got the impression that you were being hostile, at which point, not saying so or talking it out might be worse than saying so, because if you say so at least they can say "okay, what did I do that upset you". And maybe it turns out that there was a genuine misunderstanding. Like, I know I upset you a fair bit through things where I could argue that, "objectively", I didn't actually do a wrong thing, I just didn't happen to say what I meant in a clear enough way or something. But that's still worth talking about and acknowledging so it can be hashed out and discussed. I think the big trick is to focus on "I feel" or "I ended up with the impression" type statements, especially if you know you've been on edge or something that might make you likely to take things as more hostile than they were intended. (And I think that's probably true in your case for recent events around here, since you were very noticably on edge when you'd gotten the impression that people in general didn't care about harm to you.) And... I will say, a lot of people I know who've got traumatic history will just say "hey, I know I'm probably just freaking out over nothing, but I really want to know how you meant this comment here, because it felt really hostile to me". And sometimes the answer will be "yeah, fuck you", but that's pretty rare. Very often, it's "oh shit I didn't think about that" or "I was in a really bad mood and I snapped at you, I'm sorry". Those are pretty common, actually! And then you know. And most people who have experience with traumatized people are pretty used to "sometimes the people with social anxiety type stuff just have to ask directly to find out because they are going to assume the worst otherwise". I got a "hey, you consider us friends, right?" message from one of my long-term besties, whom I don't see all that often anymore, a couple-few months back. She just wanted the reassurance, and that was fine by me.
It's not even related this time, heh. I just... happen to loathe everything about someone and can't really justify why.
My experience is, if I can't justify it coherently, I probably want to try to change it, because that's usually a warning sign for something unhealthy going on in my head.
Okay, but to what extent is that worth going up to someone who almost certainly does not give a fuck, and who if I've done things right does not actually know there's a problem (because for them, there isn't) and saying "Hey, by the way, I hate your breathing guts!" (It's not "can't justify" in the sense of "don't know", btw, it's more "it's not terribly objective, they mostly just annoy me that much". Like, I am of the opinion that their RP dialogue is ridiculous. That kind of thing.)
Do you have a lot of people you've blocked because they each bug you like that, or do you have a lot of people blocked and one or two of them are for that reason? Because, sometimes a person just gets on your nerves. It's not anyone's fault, there's just some kind of personality incompatibility that's probably not worth trying to hash out and it's best for everyone if you just try to avoid them. I'm biased in saying that, of course, and maybe it's not actually healthy, but I don't think it's any big deal. But if you're running into enough people like that, that you're worried you have too many people on ignore -- that raises the possibility that something needs to be dealt with. Not sure what, without more details, but it does sound a bit concerning.
...you know what? I am totally making a big deal out of nothing. Because I went and looked at my "People You Ignore" page and, not counting subaccounts, there are three people (debating making it four) on it. Three is not too many. Right?
It looked kind of big and scary because of said subaccounts, I guess. Also I'm just inclined to be worried about this because of reasons.
I wouldn't worry about it, I've had more than three people blocked on some forums. Mostly my thing is "willful stupidity". I can't deal with that.
