So! I don't currently live with roommates like I had in college. I have an upstairs landlady and she's fine. What I keep thinking about every so often is those college roommates, because I was a total. doormat and I don't know how I would do the cohabiting thing properly if I had to again. I'm on mobile right now so I'll come back with more details tomorrow probably, but the basics: Summer 2014!Me: adhd autistic, fairly introverted, lived 45 minutes away from my parents, in my 2nd year of college. Had one roommate on my floor of the house in autumn 2013, she moved out in December. had the upstairs to myself until about August '14. The Roomies: uhh 17? 18? first year of college, living several hours from home for what i gather was the first time. were besties. what i percieve as "normal" social lives that involve bringing people over and watching movies and playing card games and stuff. messier than me about the common areas. the thing: i basically tried to give them space to settle in, and accidentally let them sort of take over the common areas? ie kitchen and lounge. they would have friends or their boyfriends over, i would kind of hate it and hide in my room, i couldnt not hear them talking and watching movies and listening to music. i also didnt know how to handle things and would get frustrated and passive aggressive and do things like laugh at the sad moments in "frozen" because OH MY GOD they watched! that fuckin movie! so much! but yeah I would get frustrated but not know how to tell them because of course, the introvert doesnt get to dictate the number of people who come over, right? my preference would be like one or two for maybe two non consecutive days per week. like get out of my space, I only signed a lease to share this space with two others, not like four or five. it's super over now but uh how do you tell people that you want a situation like that to change without coming across like you're trying to be controlling? I can add more details when I'm not on my phone but yeah
Honestly the way I'd bring that up is to be like 'hey uh i have adhd and i cant focus on my schoolwork (i assume you were both attending classes at the time?) when there's noise in the house could we not have people over x days or at x times?' like, i assume said friends they brought over had their own spaces they could've hung out at instead; its totally chill to expect your own house to be clear of people at least 50% of the time, at least in my own experience but then all my roommates have either also been introverts or would go to other people's places instead of bringing people here. we'd have non roommates in once or twice a month tbh edit: also my sarcastic solution is to live in so much filth that no one ever wants to be in your apartment because you're the most tolerant to clutter person in the world which is like. a bad way to live your life because eventually the RA will give you a warning about health and fire code violations or something but like. hey. no one ever wants to go in my room, so thats a plus.
Yeah, that was the type of thing I think I said? bleh ive been over it and rehearsed it so many times that I kinda forget what i actually said to them. we had a whiteboard they used for their assignments (both in the same program) and i forget whether they were already putting down pre arranged visits/overnights, and i asked them to do it more consistently? or if i just asked them "hey yo let me know in advance" but that was an arrangement. i also asked the one girl to text me as soon as it was certain that someone was coming over, because hooooly shit it was a letdown to round the corner from the bus stop at like 8 pm and go... oh. there's a car in the driveway. therefore there are people over, and it's likely not the guys downstairs since our upstairs lights are on and i can see their classmate/friend is here. anyway she didnt always tell me, so i would still get surprised sometimes. but hey what could I say, they were just taking up the entire kitchen table with their big project, it was schoolwork. and they left pizza boxes and chocolate milk cartons everywhere, and dirty plates on the floor because at least one person would be sitting on the floor, and half full cups on the side tables, and their 3-ring binders all over the place, and also be playing music or talking, and also if they didnt have pizza they cooked and left the leftovers out even after they were room temperature. for days at a time sometimes. bleh bleh bleh bleh I have pictures. my mom suggested i document when it got really messy. glad i don't live with them anymore. we lived off campus so I would just stay in my program's lounge type area and procrastinate/work and avoid going home because what if people (and free school wifi). our landlord did object to it getting too messy, but at some point he lifted the rule about having to get permission (or was it give notice i forget) to the other housemates if you had an overnight guest. so i had no backup lol anyway, it's likely not useful to get into digging up old drama. once when i had a week of very early mornings/long days, i came home and just... i had to assemble a food and figure out where to eat it because i didn't want to eat at the table with them (too awkward) and i had to move things out of the way to clear a place at the coffee table for my plate. my room was messy, my laundry was a pile, my dishes were stupid and would go unwashed for days, but they were at least cleared of food before languishing in the sink. maybe it was an issue of spoons, between college workload, social life, managing their own shopping/cleaning etc. but at least i kept my mess to my own room jfc oh yeah before i forget to actually respond to what to say to them: i think i brought up that i was easily distracted? but i felt like i was being a downer and being like "stop having fun you're making me frustrated because i can't ignore you" many thank for ye reply
No problem! Sounds like you just had pretty inconsiderate roommates: my suitemate the past 3 years has ADHD and I and our other suitemates have never had a problem bringing the volume to zero when she's had to read for assignments or do other things that are difficult for her. And yeah, that level of mess is a problemmm. I think my mess is about your level of mess, I have piles of clothes and stuff and plenty of unwashed dishes, but i clear the dishes of food before leaving them around and I keep all of my mess, dishes included, to my own room for the most part. i'm sorry you had to deal with that, sounds like it sucked pretty bad
