So, we're both autistic, but he just won't do any housework unless it will result in him not eating. I know he doesn't care about living in a tip, but living in this much mess if really bad for my mental health, and I just can't do it all myself. We've got a ticky chart on the fridge, it doesn't seem to have helped. He won't do anything unless I literally stand over him while he does it, and I hate doing that. It's emotionally exhausting and if I'm having to stand over him I might as well do it myself. I've asked him about making things easier, but he won't tell me why he's not doing things. He won't even do things so I can get my tasks done, like putting things he wants washed in the laundry basket. He litters the house with used teabags and empty beer cans. I've got the point of withholding sex until he does things, but I don't want to do that because it hurts me as much as him and it feels like a not-ok thing to do in a relationship. I just don't know what to do, I'm so frustrated. I know it's not just spoons, because he's totally capable of doing things like washing up if we actually need it to eat, he just won't do it otherwise. Does anyone know what to do?
i wonder if you framed it as a share-the-spoon-load problem if he'd understand. like, "it's a spoon drain on me to check up on things that are someone else's responsibility." honestly it's probably an exfun thing, where it's a thing that needs done but won't get done unless someone else makes a big deal out of it. i have... the same problem. *looks around nervously at what i have termed the Bottle Graveyard* i perceive that there is a problem--well, sort of. and i just can't. do it. and i don't know why. sit-down conversation would probably help. not just an occasional "could you do this" issue. maybe he even wants help troubleshooting but doesn't know how to ask.
