[Trigger warnings for mentions of abuse and emotional manipulation, but I'm not comfortable going into details because I don't think they'd be comfortable with that] So I have a friend from work who I get along well with. They struggle with very severe depression and self-worth issues - they basically believe that they're not a good person, they aren't worthy of love or kindness, and if someone shows them love or kindness that they owe this person because there's no way that someone could actually like them and want to be around them, it must be an act of charity. Right now, they're in an abusive relationship. They don't want to be in this relationship, but when they got asked out they panicked and said yes because they didn't want to upset the guy. He understands that they won't tell him 'no' for anything because they hate hurting and disappointing others - he's acknowledged this many times before. To be honest, my friend says that he's largely innocent in this, he just doesn't realize that they don't want to date him, but I'mmmm not buying it completely. My friend has dropped hints to him multiple times that they're more interested in women than men, they don't want to be with men, etc. and it hasn't worked. They also told me about a few instances (I'm not going to disclose what exactly happened because again, I think that's their story to tell, not mine) where it was clearly a very, VERY toxic and manipulative situation and he obviously knew what he was doing considering this is an ongoing thing that he keeps fucking doing. And he really shouldn't be doing it. I was with them last night helping him move and I noticed he seemed to be trying very hard to guilt-trip my friend over shit that wasn't even their fault - they had to work earlier in the day, which 'left him to do all the hard work by himself and it is his birthday.' My friend isn't a professional mover and I don't think they owe it to him to spend the entire day with him helping to move. But I think it's always like that - my friend will want to do something, he doesn't want them to, he gets upset with them, they feel like crap because they're going out of the way not to hurt him. This guy wants to be with them all the time and doesn't seem to be able to accept that they don't want that (they don't want to be with him at all, but if he actually acknowledged that I think that would help my friend maybe find the courage to leave). My friend wants to break up with this guy, but they aren't able to because they know how upset he'll be. They've also hinted at him having some emotional problems (I think depression maybe??) that they're worried about exacerbating, so they can't bear to break up with him because they would feel terrible for hurting him. The thing is: some advice that was given to me by someone with more experience dealing with this than me was 'you can't force a person to leave their abuser; all you can do is let them know that you're there for them and offer them a place to go if they need it.' I've been trying to do that and so have two other friends of ours, so that's good. But I feel really helpless. I'm very, very emotionally incompetent and rather useless - I often want to help people but can't begin to think of how. I'm scared that there's some obvious way I can help my friend and I'm just totally missing it. Is there anything else I could do to maybe make their life easier?
