okay so i'm noticing a trend whenever i enter New Potential Friendships/Person-I-Chat-With-Onlineships that makes socialising kind of awkward past a point, and that is that i do this thing: new person is talking to me, and they're someone who is chatty and fuels the conversation well! i am pleased about this, because i'm an over-anxious conversationalist who quickly runs out of things to say and panics if i'm given the lead. stoked over the fact the conversations aren't dying within 3 messages, i try to match the person 1-for-1 on message size and reply speed. i might give them my skype if i'm particularly comfortable. they start to talk more, i start talking more back. suddenly we're in multi-threaded conversation where we're talking about 3 separate topics at the same time. wow! i burn out abruptly and conversing suddenly becomes a huge energy expenditure, even though i like the person and talking to them. (partly because we're talking SO MUCH and making such big replies is hard, and partly because i'll become painfully aware of how really they're the one holding the conversation up and feeling anxious over my poor social performance) i cannot regain my prior zest for involved conversation, and start having to make excuses to exit the conversation a lot sooner than i used to. a combination of anxiety over those absences (they'll know i'm not really 'not there', i'm using tumblr, etc, i have to pretend i'm really doing the thing that's making me afk) and burnout makes me want to avoid conversing with my new potential friend altogether, because i can't match them. at best, my interactions with them remain at stage 4 level patchiness (i might admit my social awkwardness to them and we'll kinda just accept that i'm unpredictable in my Social-O-Meter levels), at worst, we drift apart because i'm barely 'around' i might even burn out slightly on my genuinely comfortable existing long-term friendships and kind of withdraw from everyone from a bit because i feel like i can't contribute well to conversations, if it's hit my energy levels particularly hard. it's really frustrating because i don't actually have a hugely active social life because of my conversational nervousness?? i'm not sure how to navigate new interactions in a way that will preserve my ability to feel comfortable and at ease talking with someone. i want to meet new people and have a good time...but i settle for conversing with friends-of-irl-friends who i kinda dislike on skype because they're no pressure - i don't like 'em, so i don't feel obligated to interact with them more than i can handle. but they're not exactly rewarding company. because i don't like them. all advice will be welcomed and consumed voraciously. anything that potentially helps get me socialising more like a socially comfortable human will be appreciated!
I think being upfront about your conversation comfort levels might work well, if you can do it? Like, I never remember to do greetings or signoffs and will periodically disappear from the face of the planet for months. I tend to warn people upfront, and this works well! Like, I have a friend I haven't seen since, uh . . . months, despite the fact that she lives a mile away, and haven't spoken to for ages. But she commented on a thing I posted on Facebook, so I messaged her and we talked for a couple hours. Also, one thing that helps my anxiety is to consider if it was the other way around: would you want to have someone feel trapped in conversation or burn out, or just to talk to you when they were enthusiastic about it?
