Excuse the long title but there is no other way to get my point across without being upfront... and there wasn't anything I could vaguely and cryptically ask when it comes to this situation. So, while I was in college, I stopped shaving my legs and armpits for various reasons which include the women's tax (lets make everything pink and pretty and slap an extra two buck on it for our troubles!), no time and no spoons for it. So right now, I've been back at home going au natural in body hair department. The problem is, technically, my entire family, but mostly it's my mom. She gave up on criticizing my leg hair but has continually told me that I need to shave my armpits for the following reasons: "It's dirty and unhealthy" "It makes you ugly" "How are you going to get a boyfriend with hair there? All boys are going to think you are ugly and won't talk to you." my continual rebuttals: "It's natural, not dirty. It's a waste of my time. If boys are interested in me, they better like me for me, hair and all, because I'm not changing myself for them. I'll start shaving again when men start to shave their pits." my last rebuttal, which she will never try to understand because its above her paygrade (-_-;) is that its another way of patriarchy trying to control women, by expecting them to shave "undesirable hair" to the point where it can be infantilizing. Society expects women to be as hairless as babies; that's become a cultural norm because our cosmetics and fashion industries are basically controlled by white men in their 50's who have the money to dictate what people look like (and god, do I feel like im writing one of my sociology papers right now and need to cite everything) and I don't want to be a part of that culture, I don't want to give to that idea that women have to be hairless in order to feel beautiful. I feel fine just the way I am. How do I get her to accept that? And even with all that spiel, I still feel a little body conscious about going out in public with a tank top. I'm going on a trip to Disneyland and its going to be hot as hell so I want to wear my tank tops again but how can I when her words ring in my head. I just want to be able to walk out and be comfortable, even if the people stare at me... what do I do?
My main tactic for getting people off my back re: body hair is to just continue to be stubborn and refuse to remove it until they sigh and give up. This may not work in every situation and probably takes a long time so nwn; But I commiserate with you and also I feel all your reason for not shaving. You can keep trying to argue with her, but if it isn't working, saying, "I refuse to argue about this. What I do with my body is none of your business." Which again might not work, but if you just refuse to listen to her idk she might give up? Sorry this probably isn't good advice >.>; With going out in public... I think not feeling self-conscious just takes time. I haven't shaved my underarms for I think maybe 1.5 to 2 years? And I still feel self-conscious about it. Generally, it is good to remember that people don't pay as much attention to others as we often think they do. So it's likely no one will really notice. And if they do, they generally don't say anything. So uh... My advice is not very helpful because it's basically the video of Shia LeBeouf screaming, "JUST DO IT," because it gets easier over time, even if you feel horrible and self-conscious and you hear people saying how gross it is in your head.
Honestly, it's more unhealthy to trim it, since you're running a bigger risk of in-grown hairs and cysts as a result of that. If she keeps bugging you about it, you can always say you ended up with a hair issue like that, and just simply would rather have the hair and all of the associated issues involved with it than having to repeatedly remove it and risk having MORE in-grown hairs with each shave?
I've used that before and it works, but the problem is the resentment and judgment afterwards. My mother can hold grudges like no other and both she and my aunt place appearances high on their opinion meter. If I don't look good to her, I'm apparently not attractive to anybody and that somehow should matter more than my own opinions and beliefs about my body. I shall try to remember that when I'm walking down Main street U.S.A! (and that video cracks me up XD I can never watch it with a straight face) I think I've used that once and she said I should just use tweezers to get them out instead :I but that is another reason why I don't shave my armpits. the ingrown hairs hurt and the pimples I used to get after I shaved hurt... she might have forgotten that though so I might bring up again the next time she says something ^ ^
Tweezers don't help all that well to prevent cysts. If anything, I personally had ingrown hairs from tweezed hair anyway (the only thing that prevents them is either waxing or leaving them be, and honestly I'd rather just accept the hair on my thighs than cover them in molten wax and tear them out with bits of cloth)? I mean, I'm not sure how much stock your mom will take with some internet rando saying NO, THIS IS BAD ANYWAY, but at least there's that? Would showing her beautiful actresses/models with armpit hair, like showing her Sophia Loren and being like SURPRISE, SHE'S GOT PIT HAIR TOO, ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO SIT HERE AND TELL ME THIS WOMAN IS UGLY TOO MOTHER help any? Because there's at least 20 mainstream actresses/entertainers with sizable armpit hair that you can point to as proof that it's a growing trend and accepted in society.
augh, just thinking about wax on my thighs....*shudders* my thighs are sensitive as it is... Eh-hem, moving on... ah maybe I can show her Sophia Loren? I don't know how much stock she puts into famous celebrities aside from George Clooney and Tom Selleck (but she's got crushes on both of them. I don't really agree with her tastes...) I'll try and do some research about celebs with pit hair before I go to Disney just in case she tries pull a stunt or something...
Here's an article of sixteen famous women who all have armpit hair, and appear to be various levels of mainstream popular. Loren seems like the safest on a cursory glance, but I only looked at the first couple (and I think Julia Roberts is also on the list), so at least there's some variety in what you can show her? http://nymag.com/thecut/2014/11/16-famous-women-with-armpit-hair.html
As to it being "unhealthy" -- the vast majority of men don't shave there and you don't see them dropping dead of armpit diseases. It's complete bullshit, sold to women by advertisers to sell products to fix things that ain't problems.
one time when my mom told me going unshaven was unsanitary and akin to not wiping your nose, i promptly wiped my nose on my leg. i'm not sure if i made my point or if i just made the topic too embarrassing for her to bother with, but we haven't had that conversation since. idk if that tactic would work with your mom, though. as for disney land, i haven't shaved anything below the neck in years now, and no one outside of my family has so much as raised an eyebrow about it. people honestly don't care that much about random strangers' appearances.
@Morven I've used that argument too and she just grumbles "well, it still looks disgusting" and I agree it is absolute bullshit, which is why I stopped doing it in the first place! @budgie I don't think that would work with her. She runs a home daycare, nose wipes on legs and pants are a normal day for us :I I think i'm starting to see that now that people aren't going to care. if only my mom would let go of that idea that everyone will see me and think me disgusting...
There are few things in this world that make me angry and this topic is one of them. Why the f women shave their bits is beyond me. Actually that's not true, of course; I know damn well why they do it. I just wish women wouldn't buy into it and reinforce the utter stupidity of it. I'm going to stop writing right now before I get an aneurysm.
