HULK SMASH

i thought it would be nice to have a thread for people to share constructive ways with dealing with rage. it's honestly a big problem for me and i don't really have access to therapy yet or really just anyone to talk to about this, so i thought i'd make a thread. i'm sure there's at least one other here who'd be interested, and if i'm wrong then whatever the thread can just fall into oblivion, no big.

what are some of your most productive and effective coping or release methods for when you lose your cool?

i honestly hope the thread title isn't offensive or anything, i'm suddenly having doubts. i just like bruce banner, okay?

speaking of which - semi related to topic, i've noticed that i have been doing that thing that people on tumblr do (i don't think i've done it here yet) where they immediately jump on something someone else called "offensive" and go waaay overboard telling the "offender" off. how do i break out of that mindset, and learn to chill when someone disagrees with me?

 

I personally used to sometimes build elaborate structures with duplo (big legos) and once i was done and I was still not calm, I'd kick them over until they fell apart and that kind of helped? but that's still destructive.
I haven't had that much aggression in a long time though

 

I personally thing it´s not a good idea to label all destructive coping methods as bad/still needing to be upgraded, because it leads to bottling up anger. This is coloured by personal experience of being AFAB and therefore taught not to express anger, even in pseudoviolence. So I turned it all inwards. Let´s say that went bad.

Also I actually like bruce banner/hulk a lot in terms of portraying anger. especially as he shows that the hulk, the anger, is not this evil thing which should be suppressed, that he CAN do good if directed. But also showing by way of the Hulk just how destructive suppressed anger can become. Err, that may not make much sense, I´ve been having trouble expressing myself lately.

 

i wash dishes when i'm mad. the actual dish-washing isn't fun but seeing the clean space that i made calms me down.

i didn't start it to cope, though, i just spent so much time washing dishes while being mad (because i didn't want to wash the dishes) in my teens that now i automatically head to the kitchen when i've lost my temper, heh.

 

I have a strict rule against acting while angry. I dont even try to talk things out or plead my case or find solutions or basically take any action until ive calmed down (which is various things: running or carrying heavy stuff for blind rage and then private journaling or venting at my bff for lingering anger). Then I ask myself "rationally, is this an actual problem that i need to address or am i just upset?" If im just upset, if People on the Internet are Wrong or Im having PMS or whatever, i leave the situation asap and do nice things for myself like painting or having a hot bath. If its an actual problem, i ask myself "what would need to happen so that everyone involved is happy and ok?" and try to make that happen.

My husband used to not get this process (he had anxiety around my anger and wanted it to Go Away as soon as possible) but once he figured out this was the difference between me being icily and pointedly and /line-crossingly/ cruel and me being able to discuss shit like a rational person, he came around pretty well.

 

I, um. Well. For me "so mad I could shit" is kind of literal, if I get super-angry. And usually it's things on the Internet. So that gives me a built-in break/buffer time to remove myself from the situation and get some mental/emotional distance.

I also don't get angry a whole lot anymore since I cut some Shit out of my life, but I'm going to watch this thread because I have a feeling it'll be helpful.

 

My brain is basically constantly low-grade angry all the time. (which is either anxiety or yet another fun benefit of being depressed since, like, birth)
Which, I'm sure, is not comfortable for the people I hang out with who have issues with anger. That translates into sarcasm a lot of the time.

my brother had anger issues too, and so my parents got a punching bag, which I ended up using more than him. The funny thing is that I found out a few years ago that that is actually a really terrible idea, because it makes you more likely to be physically violent when angry. I have punched my printer before. I have also punched walls and trees, which has done nothing except make me more angry and in pain.

Honestly, the best thing for me to do is listen to music, take a shower, and work my way through the train of reasoning for why I'm angry this time, because usually there's a few reasons and they're all wrapped up in each other.

I cannot stand it when other people try to "help you work through your anger". I tend to be weirdly sensitive to the tactics people use when they're trying to make you do something, and I get even more sensitive about that when I am particularly irritated. I mean, I also get pissed at people when they do the "be quiet and leave the room" thing, because it reads as prey behavior to me. (that is the best explanation that i can think of)

I have friends who push back at me when I'm pissed, and that honestly works best for me. People who can totally ignore your emotional state are a gift. Barring that, people who offer ridiculous suggestions for trivial issues. "ugh i'm so pissed at ___" "well clearly you should kill her". (I am also that friend. if i cannot fix your problem, i will offer more and more ridiculous suggestions)

The thing is, I understand that pushing back doesn't work for a lot of people, so I have a default thing, where if you tell me "hey, you're being a dick and making me uncomfortable right now", then I'll leave, because my being angry does not mean that you have to feel uncomfortable in your space.

Most of it is that I need to be reminded that I'm angry, and that I'm not hiding it well, and that I have coping mechanisms for that, because it's really easy to get stuck in the same rut when I get pissed. And if you push back at me hard enough, it knocks me out of that rut for long enough that I can go "oh! soulfully singing along to Ludo in the shower is the answer right now".

Also, usually I'm not angry with a particular person, which I think a lot of people I know don't get. I just need time to work through the eighty tiny things that have built up this time. and then after music, I'll write it out, and it makes more sense, and that's another thing that I can sidetrack myself from.

 

What the heck does one do with potential rage? Like, I´m not angry right now, but I can feel it just under the surface, and anything that usually just anoys me makes it boil closer. It´s kind of like undirected rage looking for something to went itself onto, and I don´t know what to do with that.
Being angry I can deal with, being constantly not-quite-angry is wierd and uncomfortable.

 

vent by playing something hack-n-slay like? Idk Path Of Exile used to be good for 'kill things just fucking kill things dead I don't care' and that is good for me to vent off undirected anger. It's kinda a diablo clone but should be f2p iirc.
otherwise something like dynasty warriors/hyrule warriors/any of the other dynasty warrior clones or a regular fighting game like tekken maybe?
i only have video game suggestions rn sorry

 

^I can´t fighting in video games. But that´s a me thing. Mainly though, the anger isn´t there enough for me to vent it. It´s not noticable until it´s poked. if i could just Be angry i could do something with that feeling, but I can´t.

 

hmmm idk. I forgot whether you write or RP? If it feels like the anger could be kind of repressed it sometimes helps to assign the not-quite-anger to a character and see whether they would do something with it? I kind of do that with my undirected-uneasyness-from-headache-onsets. Just giving my red cap character reign over these she can express the 'NUKE EVERYTHING I AM SO ANGRY' sentiment for me so i dont accidentally explode at people.

 

I write stuff. Start with an innocuous scene and no plan and then write what my brain turns it into. My brain usually turns it into something that relates to whatever is causing the itch, even if I don't consciously know what that is, then the effort of making words of it is distracting enough that it doesn't turn into an actual rage (usually).

 

@littlemissCodeless Perhaps doing something that will either empty out your mind or make use of the energy within you? I generally vent a lot of my emotions in drawing, and while that isn't always healthy - as my drawings have a tendency to 'lock' me in a fantasy world so I don't have to deal with the outside world (but that's in extreme cases, like my ex-husband's abuse) - normally they're good enough for me to get rid of the vague feeling and that's that. I generally throw the drawing away when I'm finished. Other ways are to do a repetitive task to relax and entrance you. In my case it's animation, in another case it could be drawing patterns. I know a friend who would fill a page with short line strokes to ease himself out. The task becomes almost entrancing and after you're finished you've kind of emptied your head.

Edit: I forgot to add that I work out a lot now and that helps A LOT with many of my angry feelings. Walking is also something that helps me a lot.