I don´t think a mental hospital would be a good idea for me...

So I´ve never liked the idea of mental hospitals, for certain values of not liked. As in, thinking about the loss of autonomy involved makes me panic.
I considered whether this was caused by the general bad protrayal of mental hospitals in fiction. I read brainbent. It was a great story but I could only take so much of it because the setting still periodically made my brain want to self destruct. I read this post because accuracy, yay. Now my brain is trying to self destruct.
Sorry, don´t have the spoons to make a point but needed this to be seen.

 

I may have misunderstood - are you worried you need hospitalization?

 

Um, yes and no.
No in that I don´t think there´s an immediate reason for anyone to suggest it, yes because i have some mental illness or other, and have had suicidal ideations, so it is sure to come up at some point.
For background, I have problems with doctors in general and mental health professionals in particular. I believe this is what´s called medical phobia but I´m not entirely sure. For me it hinges on loss of autonomy, which is a major no-no.
Another thing is that I tend to analyze all possibilities to death, and I had also been considering that negative portrayals in fiction might be the cause of my medical phobia, so I tried looking at protrayals by people who endorsed this system, to see if they set me off. As shown above, they do.

TL;DR: Not immediately, I just have a bad habit of going "Hey whats THIS button do?" -poke- In my brain.

 

Ah,alright! I know that if it's ever suggested to you to be hospitalized, it might be helpful for you instead to suggest having someone sit with you for a couple of days. And by sit with I basically mean supervise. I've done that for a friend who was suicidal but couldn't be hospitalized because of how terrified she was.

 

I don´t do well with loss of privacy, that being problem #2 with mental hospitals, or hospitals of any kind. But I´m also not currently suicidal (yet) so it´s not needed right now.

 

I don't think there's a way to absolutely guarantee you'll never be hospitalized, but some sort of mental health advance directive should help, as are instructions for everyone close to you to not call the authorities.

I know http://ozymandias271.tumblr.com/ has some of the same problem, maybe try asking them (nonbinary) for more information on how they manage?

 

Oh no, you're right, it wouldn't guarantee anything, but she had a regular therapist who was sensitive to the fact that hospitalization would make it worse for her. Also she wasn't at risk of harming anyone else, which means that having someone be with her all the time wouldn't put them at risk of harm.

 

"Mental hospitals" aren't all inpatient programs, so you don't always have a (total) loss of autonomy. I did an outpatient program, actually. Met for like four hours three times a week or something, and it was actually meant as sort of a halfway house for people who had recently been hospitalized but weren't quite Ready yet. If there's something like that near you idk if it'd be worth it to maybe look into that if it gets Real Bad again.

That said, I still have an irrational phobia of inpatient treatment, so totally feel you there, @littlemissCodeless.

 

@pixels. it´s a good idea, but my phobia extends far enough that it´s like lifting a car instead of lifting a plane. Sure it´s less, but it´s just as impossible to do.
@ZeroEsper I can´t quite parse what you´re saying, is there a word missing somewhere?

 

Oh, sorry. I was referring to the case of my friend, who I stayed with for a while to observe. She was the one I referenced earlier - she was going to be hospitalized, but she was extremely scared, so her therapist told her mother that so long as she had 24-hour supervision in the house for a week (which was the earliest he could get her in to see the Psychiatrist to see if it was her meds messing with her thought process). That's who I was talking about when I kept saying 'she'. Sorry, it wasn't a missing word so much as an entire missing story. I apologize; I'm running on two hours of sleep and too much caffeine for my own good right now.

 

A note: If you can't get 24-hour physical supervision because there are not enough people close to you physically, Internet friends can watch a livestream/webcam feed/Skype video call. Not everyone is comfortable with this and I would still suggest having someone physically available for things like "going to the bathroom" (unfortunately, you may have to be followed in, or at least be continuously talking through the door), but it's an option.

 

*whispers* text from the toilet... it's what all the cool kids do

 

Well, the loss of privacy is one of the major "NopenopenopeNOPE!" things about mental hospitals so....yeah.

 

I've spent time in an inpatient psych ward. Granted it was just for a week, but I have personal experience and can tell you things about it. Feel free to ask.

 

@littlemissCodeless Is there a way to have an accountability system with a friend through text message or something? Like I was halfway joking about texting from the toilet but halfway not. A friend could text you every few hours, even just saying "ping!" or something silly, and you could "ping" back, a yes-I-am-here. If your response to their digital echolocation doesn't come within x timeframe, they barrage you with "ping" "ping" "ping" "ping" "ping". Of course, the drawback is having to keep a device on you at all times, and having it charged/with battery enough to do something like that, etc., and sometimes that's hard to remember and do. The upside? No loss of autonomy, plus a touchstone for someone else who's checking up on you.

 

I also can give information! I have been an inpatient at two different mental hospitals and if you have questions about experiences I am super willing to talk about it!

 

@Aya @Void Thank you both. I may take you up on it, but it could be a while, because well...thinking about the topic isn´t entirely good for my mental health.
@pixels The keeping a device on me would not be a problem, the supervision part and being bothered part would...yes I realize that defeats the whole purpose.

 

No problem! Just hit me up whenever you feel comfortable! I'm always willing to help a person out.

 

A thing I forgot to mention but would help explain my concerns: I am worried that my collection of brainweird may make me unable to hold down a job. since this means I´d need disability money. I´d need to be assessed for it, and I know in the case of my aunt this required a stay in some variety of inpatient mental health facility.

(For extra irony: Part of the reason my brainweird makes me possibly unable to adult is that therapy and meds are not a doable option because of afforemented "NopenopeNOPE!" feels.)