I don't know what's going on my head is in a vice and i can't sleep for fear of losing everything i have if i go to sleep i will wake up with no internet and no one is on skype and i'm just music is making me anxious, my cat is missing it's hot and my clothes feel weird and i'm having trouble focusing on typing or speeling or words and i'ts getting to me i don't know what to do my boyfriend is asleep cuz he has school and no one pays attention to me because i am me and i am touch starved and lonely and i want him to be here and i want to be awaya and i am LOST god i'm just flipping out i don't know what is wrong with my head
fuck i am like burning up and i don't wknow whwy ist is so hot here and i just want someone to exist nut no one is talking to me anywhere and if i sleep they won't nbe tehre to talk to in the morning anyways i can't SLEEP if i do i will lose EVERYONE why does everyone have to take away the few things that keeps me HERE
god i can't stop rocking i never do the rocking thing i haven't done this in verofeve rwhy am i doing this now
okay managed to chill out somewhat but now i want to punch a hole through a wall and scream and scream and scream
...Hey, if you're still online, you wanna send me a message? I got abouthalf an hour before I have to be running out somewhere.
I'm here. Finally really calming down. I'm tired as hell, but my anxiety about losing my internet is making me irrational. Falling asleep will not cause it to go away. Dad waking up in the morning causes it to go away. Guh.
Yeah, that's a tricky situation. It may help you to focus on your breathing- sit quietly with your eyes shut and breathe in for a count of four, hold it for another four, and then breathe out for a count of six. It helps your body re-regulate itself and prevents you from hyperventilating, which makes the anxiety worse. Is there any way you can create a nest for yourself out of blankets or something? Something to help you feel safe and protected. By the way, if your clothes feel weird and you're in a private place like your bedroom, there isn't any reason why you can't take them off! It may also help to know that, since I'm a Brit, it's about half past eleven am for me here, and I'm usually online for at least an hour from around 10am my time, which is maybe 4 or 5am for you, assuming you're in the US?
Yeah I'm on the west coast of the US. I should just turn off my lights and try to sleep. I turned off my music and my head is killing me and none of my friends are awake so it's really frustrating. I wish my boyfriend was here. I really, really miss him.
Unfortunately I'm going to have to go now (curse you, responsibilities!), but now is the time when you should be focussing on doing things that are grounding and feel pleasant- favourite textures, favourite simple activities (I find colouring books are pretty soothing), maybe nice smells, music if it's not still making you more anxious, or perhaps, if you can, having a shower or a bath. I understand the anxiety about losing the internet, but there is, sadly, probably not much you can do about it, and you know that you won't really lose everyone forever, as you've lived through times like that before. Also, have a drink of water, or whatever your favourite drink is. Your head probably hurts because of dehydration. You'll be all right.
