I really hate being and extrovert with depression a lot... I always need company and when I don't have someone to talk to I become extremely sad to the point where I'm hating myself and telling myself that I'm annoying and clingy and that's probably why no one wants to be around me or no one should want to be around me for that matter and I often feel like I'm suffocating my friends with my constant need for conversation .... sorry for posting this I just really needed to vent and I guess I was hoping someone would see this
Ugh, that sucks. I know a little about extraverts; Jesse's an extravert, which is problematic because he's autistic and gets overloaded easily. And that is... actually a really common way for depressed people to feel regardless, and adding in the need for social interactions just makes it even more frustrating.
yeah, isolating conditions like depression suck extra hard for extroverts. extro? extra? fuckit. anyhow, it sucks. i feel you, bro.
btw you don't have to apologize for posting this, not even a little bit. this kind of thing is why kintsugi exists.
I have anxieties where I am afraid to approach people even though I very much want to, so I understand so very much how you're feeling. I'm extraverted too. Do you have someone you can call every day? For instance I have my mother I can talk with for an hour or two every day, and it doesn't matter too much what time it is. It's not the same as actually seeing a person in the flesh, but it helps a little in at least having conversation and keeping the loneliness a little at bay. If not, you can always rotate? Like I used to have a circle of friends, and if one wasn't available I would call the next one. Now it's a little harder because I haven't made many friends here in the US and my other friends live in the Netherlands, but I still have some I can talk to reasonably often. I don't know your friends, but I don't think they're suffocating from you. If I use my own experience, my friends get worried if I don't call them often, because they know me, like me for being me, and if I'm not acting like me, there's something wrong. Some of them will be blunt and text me, because they were raised that way, others - the Americans mostly - will leave me alone because they think I need 'some space' (which is a stupid sentiment, but it comes from a place of worry and care), and I generally find that if I'm clear to them that I don't need space, just companionship, they get the message and everything is fine. People like to help, and I've always been rather blunt in communicating my needs - 'I feel lonely [friend] can I talk to you?' I'm sorry I can't give any better advice. Perhaps if you feel up to it and you think it helps, my inbox is open and I'm available to chat with you this evening.
i'm lucky in that text is usually enough contact, as long as we actually have something to talk about. like, just saying hi doesn't help, but if i check in with luka before bedtime and sperg about some fic i'm reading, and he tells me about the cute thing his dog is doing, and i make a dick joke and he makes a poop joke and then we say good night, i feel a whole lot less lonely. still need irl hugs sometimes tho. if seebs hugs are unavailable, kitty hugs are next best thing.
Yeah, I feel really lonely sometimes as well. For me it helps that I have internet people I can really talk to, who I have also seen in person a few times. I have known them for almost eight years now, and I love that. IRL hugs are the hardest for me to come by though, and it really sucks. My mum is basically the only one I am really okay with hugging, and I don't live with my parents any more. I also really know how you feel with the anxiety around your friends. If it helps, I very much doubt you're being annoying and clingy. I think sometimes our brains want us to feel that way, even though there is no basis in truth, at all. *hugs* if you want them. I know these feelings really suck.
