I kinda want to stop seeing my therapist. She's really nice, as a person, but I know what she's doing/been doing, and that's been working on different ways for me to just mentally overcome my depression. And, it doesn't, work like that!! There is no "pattern"!! Sometimes I'm okay and sometimes I'm really low and sometimes it's because I haven't eaten or drank in a while and sometimes it's just for NO FUCKING REASON WHATSOEVER. But, she keeps insisting that there's always a reason, and that even though I've been trying really hard for years to tame this, going through checklists and trying all sorts of different things (exercise, eat/drink, take shower, clean, walk outside, spend time with friends YOU NAME IT I'VE TRIED IT MORE THAN ONCE), that I'm just not, trying the right, methods, and that even though this horrible empty feeling isn't actually TIED to anything it's just THERE that there actually is something I myself can do about it and I'm just not doing it right or trying hard enough and it's so, frustrating, I just want her to stop, but like that brings up the point of what am I even seeing the therapist for because if this is all just chemicals with no external influence then there's not really a lot she can do...?? So that's why I think I want to stop seeing her. Holy crap that was a long run-on. But yeah anyway. I'm on 20mg generic lexapro and although sometimes I think I feel an improvement, it never actually lasts or makes any kind of impact, so in other words no real change from the baseline default (which is me on no meds). I want to find meds that work, I want this pang to go away, I want to be happy. I'm selfish, I'm awful, I'm hedonistic and self-serving and pleasure-seeking and I know other people have it way worse than I do but I just want to be happy, I just want to be happy, this can't be all there is, it just can't be, I just want to be happy I know this isn't really it this can't possibly be it I just want to be happy please. Someone help. Please advise.
honestly if your therapist is trying to focus on getting you to do cognitive behavioral therapy or whatever... it doesn't really work very often for depression, and it's weird that she'd push that sort of stuff on you. fucked up brain chemicals just aren't going to respond to that kind of therapy. medication is really the best for that sort of thing. i do think therapy can still be a good idea, but like, not CBT. just talk therapy can be healthy for you. but it's up to you if that's something you think would be nice, because it isn't really 'necessary' to getting better in the way that medication likely will be. if your current medication or dosage isn't working, what are your options for getting better medication? is your current therapist just a psychologist, or is she a psychiatrist?
@Aniseed Thanks for responding. Sorry I word vomited all over the OP, it means a lot that someone actually took the time to read through that mess. She's a psychologist, but she acknowledges that I need meds and has scheduled a (second, the first one was a disaster) med evaluation with a psychiatrist at the same office. Hopefully that'll be beneficial. I'm wary because there's so many different med offerings and I've heard horror tales of the "med dance" and trying to find what works, but if I actually could, God. I want to so bad. But yeah, mostly this is me coming to terms with what I've got going on now just isn't working, and although it's not costing me much at all to see her (my insurance is gr8 and each visit is $10), I feel like if it's not helping me, and might actually be hurting me, then it's probably time to see about stopping. Now I just gotta figure out how to 'break up' with my therapist.
yeah, getting to see a psychiatrist will hopefully be good. i'd consider though that if this evaluation doesn't go well, it might just be an issue with their particular office being.. lackluster, to say the least. and it would likely be worth finding a psychiatrist elsewhere. at least you haven't been having to pay too much but yeah. if it's not working, it's not working. hopefully your therapist will understand. just keep in mind you aren't obligated to explain yourself too much, you have a right to seek out care that actually benefits your health.
Thank you for this especially. I'm so scared to broach this with her because I know she'll think I'm making the wrong decision or something, or maybe I'm scared that I am making the wrong decision and maybe she's right and I really am just not trying hard enough. I dunno. Either way, I'm scared. Never had to do this before!
