Insomnia Whinging Hole

I cannot sleep
and despite my sleeping pills
I am not tired, only loopyfuck wobbleflops
for I have had caffeine too late

as such i have built this whinging hole to whinge in
come whinge with me, fellow insomniacs
... it has hammocks
and i am looking into a cocoa machine

*looks into cocoa machine*
wow that cocoa machine is deep
*the cocoa machine looks also into me*
ah man
existentialist cocoa machines
that does not help insomnia

cocoa machines should give me cocoa not existential nausea

 

I definitely just read that in freeverse poetry intonation in my head
*wanders in with a box of cheezits and a cup of tea*
*grabs a hammock*
*immediately falls out of the hammock*

 

-flops toward hammock. Misses-

I've been awake for a day and a half. I am playing clicky incremental games instead of sleeping. Why? I have no idea. But for some reason going to bed sounds as appealing as sticking my hand in a blender. Less appealing, actually.

Brain. Brain. Why you do this.

 

*buries face in hammock to hide from light* I have a migraine keeping me up. "Then stop staring at the screen", says the logic monster in the back of my head. "But then what will I do while the migraine is keeping me awake?" I respond. Logic monster does not respond. That means I win.

 

Same issue here.
"go to sleep!" brain says
"butttttttt i don'wannnnnna" i say, changing position in bed for the eighth time because my neck hurts

guess what would make my neck stop hurting
if i laid down like a normal person and went to sleep.

brain is like a giant toddler right now. I think i was more sleepy when I was curled up on the couch earlier, but the couch room has two windows and a door, ugh

 

i cant fall asleep unless i'm really tired, and i have an excepcionally high resistance to getting really tired... mentally. my arms and legs feel like jelly, and i cant fall asleep.

still doesnt beat the three straight days i spent awake after the new dragon age came out, tho.

 

At least I usually go to sleep by 4...*sighs heavily and stares at the clock*

(I can tell I am le tired because I spelled three words in this several new and exciting ways before i realized and fixed them)

 

ok so, i went to sleep at 10 yesterday, woke up at 14, now it's 6:30 and im still awake. fantastic,

 

It's almost 5 am. My body's telling me to go to sleep, but my brain's like, "No, it's cool you can stay up for-EV-er! And you will, because I am the #1 Dickasaurus in the Mesozoic.

*flops on the floor*

 

6:30 am, and I am seeing the sunrise from the wrong side. Lovely lil side effect of resurging brainweasels.

 

Oh hey I am back!

I did not sleep last night
and am currently still not asleep today
This alarms me, because I have a (now very distant) history of manic episodes leading to psychosis
Like, one or two.
When I was in college.
A decade ago.

I have been regulating my sleep cycles with Lunesta, and later, Ambien, ever since, and simply accepting that this will lead to me spending just over eleven hours each day asleep
and also spending a large chunk of the time I am awake half-paralyzed/barely responsive

Given the choice between always-asleep and too-awake, though, I have opted for the former, for the better part of a decade.

(New diagnosis last year, BTW: Narcolepsy! According to the electrode hat, I spend most of my asleep-time dreaming, often vividly, and so am not actually getting any rest while unconscious.)

Narcolepsy is often comorbid with insomnia.

Of course, this does not mean that disability insurance will cover them both at once. That would be stupid. A waste of money!
Also, so would paying for a sleep medication that actually puts the patient to sleep.
Nope, you get ambien or nothing, stop whining, you goddamn druggie, or do us all a favor and wander into traffic in a drugged stupor so you can stop costing us insurance money.

... so anyway ambien didn't put me to sleep last night, it just made playing kitten-clicker until the sun came up seem like a super-good idea.
Not that I'm not owning the fact that I made a stupid goddamn choice in playing kitten-clicker instead of going to sleep, or that I might not have done it anyway if I hadn't taken the goddamn ambien...

Anyway the point is I am awake now, and I am following the dubious path of taking my mother's advice when it comes to I-didn't-sleep-last-night, which means not sleeping during the day and staying awake until I would have... not gone to sleep anyway. Played kitten-clicker until sunrise again. And then maybe done that a few days in a row until I can see all the strings holding the universe together but can't remember how to work a microwave or what exactly traffic signals mean.

... I'm probably OK?
I'm probably OK.
Missing sleep just puts me in the mood to catastrophise.

... catastrpophize?
yeah spell check doesn't think that's a word
fuck you too spell check
i'ma go back to playing kitten-clicker, later.

*edit* oh i put an extra p in there didn't i... catastrophize? nope doesn't like that either
*re-edit* gerrh, maybe this shoulda gone in the braiins forum. bluh.

 

Hullo, I am back again
(I turned out fine before, bee-tee-dubs.)
Anyway, fuuuuuuck sleep. Sleep is for people who don't have cartoons to marathon.
Yeah. Yeeeeyah! YEEEEAAAAAAAAH!!!
... *gross sobbing*

 

so i wrote AND posted a fic thanks to insomnia jitters, got fucked over by cramps, woke up at 6pm and now i'm going to valiantly try to fix my sleep schedule.

 

I have been awake for several hours longer than I would like. :\

 

whee it's a party! at this rate, mine isn't even a "can't go to sleep", it's just a "am too lazy and/or distracted to bother to shut down for the night" which is, i suspect, why melatonin only rarely works for me
at any rate i am now experiencing a scarcity of mental stimulation and also i am starting to misspell words so i guess i could make an attempt to be asleep before my roommate wakes up to go to her job like the responsible human being she is

#oooh #that was a little resentful #oooooooooh #i am now in the stage where i write weird shit on tumblr and am resentful of all people who are actually asleep #whoops

 

I just want to sleeeeeeeeeeeeep...
This is my second medication attempt.

The first one just resulted in me sleeping for 18 hours a day, which was worse than useless, because I still have the cycle shifting problem.
This new one! Has made my insomnia WORSE! I can't sleep, but I'm constantly drowsy and having 2-3 meltdowns a day. I'm like 3 days in, I'm trying to go a week before I ask for a new one.

Honestly, FFS, I don't want something that's a medication for something else but has drowsiness as a side effect. I don't want perpetual drowsiness, I just want a shorter sleep cycle.

Has anyone tried melatonin? I mean, it's prescription only and only licensed for over 55s here, so I'd have to sneak it past customs, but honestly I'm at my wits end.

 

melatonin gives you a burst of sleepy that works really well for me when i don't distract myself away from sleeping - so if your issue is the "so tired but can't go to sleep", I would totes recommend it.

 

eh, until this most recent medication I'm ususally able to sleep if I'm tired. It's just that I don't get tired until about 5-6 hours after I was tired last night. So I have zero control over when I'll be awake or asleep,

 

Vegacoyote, how are you doing? Gotten any sleep? I'm worried about you now.

 

As for me, I just genuinely seem to have more energy between 10 PM and 3 AM or so. XD; I actually felt it today. Woke up around noon, felt groggy and out of sorts until 6, felt pretty much normal from 6 until 10, and then around 10 suddenly WOW energy! I WANNA DO ALL THE THINGS! I wanna...CLEAN MY ROOM!!! So I did. Felt kind of nice.

Anyway now I just kind of finish this game of Mass Effect 3 and then I guess I'll turn in? Probably? I really want to make myself some eggs but uh. Can't do that without waking my mom up. XD;