"is this something to panic about?" -my mother, approx. 1 hour ago, referring to the 19 I have in AP Statistics right now. So I saw boyacrossthestreet's motivation thread and I guess I'll try making one as well, partially to ask for advice and partially for accountability purposes. See if that helps at all. My current situation: about a week ago, I procrastinated on an AP Statistics project proposal until after it was due, and I have been panicking about it ever since (when I'm not avoiding/suppressing this panic). It doesn't help that it's a partner project, and I don't know if my partner is also panicking or just doesn't care. This has also resulted in me not doing other Stat work - thus, the 19. (With luck, once I actually turn shit in, it will be back up to at least 80 or so, but I have to do it first. (Not to mention my lowest homework grade and lowest quiz grade will be dropped at the end of the grading period.)) Based on my own self-evaluation, I am probably depressed, and definitely have anxiety, and (this is something I have recently learned about thanks to this forum) most likely executive functions problems (probably caused by depression.) So... let's see. To-do list: -AP Stat: -Project Proposal (quite late) -Designing Studies Review (late) -3 different homework assignments (mildly late) -1 homework assignment (due tomorrow)-Creative Writing: -Independent Study Project Proposal (due tomorrow)-AP English: -Read Seize The Day (due either next Friday or the following Tuesday)-AP Economics: -Review (late) I think that's it. A while back, I had a discussion with some friends in which I decided that if I could purge one emotion from my brain, I would choose to get rid of embarrassment. Now, I wish I could get rid of anxiety, or at least panic. (Is panic an emotion?) I know getting rid of either is unfeasible, but advice for dealing with either would be welcome.
The list is an excellent start. Not even being sarcastic. It's great. You could also talk to your teachers and say "I'm having problems because of x". One would think an AP teacher would understand this kind of stress, and understand that sometimes in some people it triggers depression and executive function problems. My only other advice is to put your nose to the grindstone, stop feeling things, and get the work done, but that's not sustainable long-term.
Update: Have now completed the stat assignment due tomorrow and one of the late homework assignments, and am 2/3 done with another. (Though I did actually realize that I have 4 missing homework assignments, not 3.) That's the thing that makes me feel dumb about panicking over statistics: it's generally pretty easy & relatively quick to complete. I generally have trouble asking for help, but considering how extremely behind I am on this project proposal, I may have to talk to my stat teacher. (Thanks for reminding me that this is an option - it seriously often doesn't occur to me.) Haha, yeah, I tried that out last year... definitely not sustainable last year. It usually either led to feeling more things and not getting work done, or not feeling things but still not getting work done. Luckily, my workload this year is not nearly as awful as last year's. Looking on it now, this is probably why suicidal thoughts have been at a minimum this year, compared to last year...
Update (because accountability): I have finished another late homework assignment, and begun working through the late Designing Studies Review (10 of 17 questions completed). My list now looks like this: -AP Stat: -Project Proposal (quite late) -Finish Designing Studies Review (late) - 4 2 different homework assignments (mildly late) -1 homework assignment (due tomorrow)-Creative Writing: -Independent Study Project Proposal (due tomorrow, and I plan to complete it during Astronomy tomorrow morning)-AP English: -Read Seize The Day (due either next Friday or the following Tuesday)-AP Economics: -Review (late) And now, I believe I shall sleep.
Re-iterating my comment to boy. Even if you fuck up wholesale, its not the end of the world. School stuff matters, and good on you for being proactive about it. But its not I think helpful to build it up into the most important thing ever omg if I dont graduate with straight a's i will be homeless and miserable for the rest of my short awful life!!!! So no, I wouldnt panic. It is what it is. There are things to do about it, but you're going to be ok either way, and changing difficult tasks with shame and fear only makes them harder.
Yeah, even if you screw up everything in the world, you still can't totally fuck up the future. ...which i guess is weirdly optimistic. <.< I mean, half the issues I have with finishing out college right now is just that, in the jobs I am currently going into, I don't need this degree. I don't need a degree at all. Yeah, it would help. But I definitely don't need it. And the moment I realized this, a lot of my stress went away, but so did my motivation. (I mean, right now I'm finishing because the work doesn't sound too boring and I'm not doing anything else at the moment.) But, yeah, definitely talk to your teachers. I had an issue with that in high school because, thanks to the gifted & talented stigma, needing help is somehow the worst thing in the world to even contemplate. My teachers probably could have helped a lot! I only started being able to ask for help in junior year of college, and let me tell you, the ability to determine how late you are on an assignment and be able to tell your prof/supervisor that is one of the most valuable experiences I've had. Also, if you need to talk through an assignment/paper/project, I have heard that I'm fun to bounce ideas off of.
@Lissiel Yeah, I definitely used to be under the impression that failing at school = failing at life, forever. I'm no longer concerned with straight As, but I am concerned with my Statistics grade (which right now is a 28?). Also, I am living under the fear that I will do poorly enough this semester for my college to revoke my admission. I know that college is not the be-all and end-all of existence, but I'm just so excited for college and to have an intellectual experience that isn't this high school hell, and the shame of fucking up badly enough to not go to college... that's one of the worst possibilities for me right now, basically. Unfortunately, you are very correct in that fear, panic, and shame are not very helpful when trying to do work. @boyacrossthestreet It's hard for me to contemplate my future without college - but I have been trying to keep in mind that my future wouldn't be totally fucked. I mean, I wouldn't be dead. There's a lot of possibilities, so long as you're not dead. I didn't talk to my Stat teacher today, since I didn't have the time or the nerve, but I'll try to email him this weekend. This weekend's to-do list (though I'm not sure how much I'll be able to do, since I'm always busy on Fridays and tomorrow's prom): AP Stat: -Project Proposal (quite late) -Finish Designing Studies Review (late) - 2 different homework assignments (mildly late) -1 homework assignment (due Tuesday) -Email teacher??-Creative Writing: -Ask dad if I can borrow Neuromancer-AP English: -Read Seize The Day (due either next Friday or the following Tuesday)-AP Economics: -Review (late)
So I didn't manage to do anything over the weekend from the list, but just now I did manage to summon the nerve to email my statistics teacher. Sooooo maybe that will help. Right now I'm in Creative Writing and while we're doing cool writing stuff and I love writing I just. I seem to be stuck on one of two modes: "wound up with anxiety" or "dead inside." Haven't yet written anything (except the email.) List now looks like: AP Stat: -Project Proposal (quite late) -Finish Designing Studies Review (late) - 2 different homework assignments (mildly late) -1 homework assignment (due today) -1 homework assignment (due Thursday)-Creative Writing: -Ask dad if I can borrow Neuromancer -Try and write some to make up for today (where I have written nothing)-AP English: -Read Seize The Day (due tomorrow (english teacher why :c ))-AP Economics: -Review -Other: -Fill out info on trip booking site? -Watch latest Game of Thrones ep -Watch latest Red Vs Blue ep -Put away some books
My Stat teacher indirectly acknowledged during class today that he had received my email but hasn't yet otherwise responded. Alright. Today I did manage to complete the stat homework due today, as well as read the entirety of Seize the Day, which I need to write an essay on tomorrow. I alos managed to do a few minor things, like putting some books away instead of leaving them in stacks on my desk. I haven't finished my economics review, but I anticipate being easily able to complete it tomorrow in animation. The list: AP Stat: -Project Proposal (quite late; I would like to complete it this week) -Finish Designing Studies Review (late, but I want to finish by Thursday) - 2 different homework assignments (mildly late, ditto) -1 homework assignment (due today) -1 homework assignment (due Monday (bless you, stat teacher))-Creative Writing: -Ask dad if I can borrow Neuromancer -Try and write some to make up for today (where I have written nothing)-AP English: -Read Seize The Day (due tomorrow (english teacher why :c ))-AP Economics: -Review (due tomorrow)-Other: -Fill out info on trip booking site? -Watch latest Game of Thrones ep -Watch latest Red Vs Blue ep -Put away some books And now I suppose I sleep.
Even if you're struck by the worst-case scenario and the university revokes your admission, that is recoverable. No, seriously. You can take a statistics course at a community college, maybe take some other classes to prove that you can handle that kind of coursework, and reapply. This happened to someone I know. Things turned out okay. She was even able to take some courses that counted toward her university degree at the community college for a much smaller amount of money and had more space to think about what she wanted to do, and so it wasn't as much of a catastrophe as she'd been afraid of. And I personally failed so many courses that I had to leave my original university and pick up the pieces through community college and a new school after that. You are not going to be stuck with the same shitty high school educational experience forever even if you fail this course. It will make life easier if you pass and you make it through, so it's definitely worth being the goal, but it's not the only way forward.
That... is actually super encouraging. I guess I had vaguely remembered community college was a thing, but it hadn't really clicked for me that it could be helpful if the worst case scenario happens. I now feel less like my admission being revoked would be the end of the world. Thank you! My list is looking pretty good for the moment - mostly because I did stuff on Wednesday and Thursday; I didn't do much of anything this weekend (except I did get a bunch of comic books because Free Comic Book Day!) The only really important thing remaining on the list is the project proposal (which, my stat teacher hasn't emailed me back about, I think? Still, I want to get that done...) AP Stat: -Project Proposal (quite late; I would like to complete it SOON) - 2 different homework assignments (late, but the effect of them on my grade is negligible) -1 homework assignment (due tomorrow)-Creative Writing: -Try and write some to make up for class period(s) in which I have written nothing for independent writing project-Other: -Ask my AP Gov teacher from last semester for my final exam review to use in studying for the AP test
I did it. I got the damn project proposal done. It's nearly a month late, so I have no idea how many points my stat teacher will dock, but for the love of god hopefully it'll bring me to passing. (The sad thing is how extremely well I was doing in Stat for this entire year up until this 6 weeks. As in, 95-98 or so. It's just Projects that fuck me up. Same thing happened in English back in January/February, although at least that was a 68 and not a 35.) On a slightly unrelated note, my usual problem with this sort of to do list making stuff is that I either forget about it or I don't have mental spoons for it. Thus the irregularity of my posting about it. AP Stat: -2 quite late homework assignments (not sure if I'm going to bother doing them; did I mention the HW is only 10% of the grade) -1 only slightly late homework assignment (due yesterday) -1 homework assignment (due tomorrow)Creative Writing: -Write stuff before my CW teacher realizes I've barely written anything for this project I'm supposed to have written pages of (GAAH PROJECTS)Other: -Take a shower -Put away clean laundry -Pack for sleepover tomorrow night
@Aya I'm really glad too - glad I didn't let a big project screw me (and my grade) over like an English project did back in January. (Though that was in fact only part of the project - the others are due this week and next week :c ) In the end it wasn't super difficult on its own; emotions and anxiety ramped up the difficulty, as usual. Luckily, my stat teacher said not to worry about the lateness. (Grade hasn't been changed yet, hopefully that goes through soon.) AP Stat: -A total of 3 homework assignments, in varying degrees of lateness; my stat teacher has declared Tuesday to be the last day he'll accept late work. -1 homework assignment (due Tuesday)Creative Writing: -Write some thingsEnglish: -Rough draft of paper (due Wednesday) -Final draft of paper (due Friday) -Project thing (due next week)Computer Science: -Evaluation thing (due Tuesday)
