i live with 2 other people aside from my partner. these other 2 people are just childhood friends of each other and friends with my partner. i get along with both of them... okayish. i don't hate either of them. one of them is incredibly messy and doesn't clean and it sets off my stress and anxiety, but it's just something i kind of deal with, and aside from my stress over the messes we can generally hang out and watch stuff together and have an okay time. this isn't really about her. the other one i'll call R, isn't messy or anything, but they are incredibly defensive, judgmental, passive aggressive, and so on. a lot of traits that remind me of my abusive mother. i don't think this person is abusive or anything. i think they have personality disorders that clash with my own problems and i can't really ignore. i don't really hate them for how they act. but i feel more and more lately like i just can't be around them for my own mental health and peace of mind. i'm sort of not in the greatest place. as i've been away from home and my old abusive situation(s) over time, i've felt more and more like an open wound . while R would sometimes say stuff or do stuff that triggered me, i was sort of dealing okay and it wasn't super frequent, but lately it feels like R has been doing and saying more triggering stuff more frequently, and also like i am less capable of handling it. i don't really feel like i'll be able to say this to them, because they will likely get defensive and aggressive, and just trigger me more. so i'm mostly just looking to see some other peoples' input, and to ask is it okay for me to just avoid somebody that i live with and that my partner is currently both friends with and a fairly big caretaker of? i just want to know if telling my partner to not invite me places that she will be bringing R with her to, or to not invite him along after asking me if i want to do something or go somewhere with her would be a fair and okay thing to ask of a partner. and am i in the wrong for wanting to minimize contact with this person both in and out of our shared living space?
Yeah, sounds legit. Just frame it as "this is sorta triggery" without judgment as to whether it's wrong, and it should be clearly accepted as reasonable.
