So occasionally my brain will decide that even things I like to eat are Not Food and that all eating is fucking disgusting and makes me nauseated. I have some tricks for this and my therapist has given me some stuff that works-ish but it has just been escalating recently, probably due to stress (I am trying to find a new house and packing my shit up and waiting to hear back from the college I want to transfer to). My boyfriend recently busted the hell out of his foot so he can't cook and he has celiac's so we pretty much have to eat at home, meaning I've been cooking all the meals, and it's difficult when I just want to scream when I even smell something. There's one or two things I can still eat, mostly fast food, but I feel so guilty about spending money on food. And in the last day or two I've been getting gross intrusive thoughts like "you should throw up, you'll feel better". I'm not going to, mostly because it's extremely difficult for me to throw up at all, but it's a very distressing experience. I used to just not be able to eat where other people could see me or sometimes have the disgust thing, but it's just getting worse and worse. I also have to really watch what I eat because my metabolism/nutritional needs are weird - I can't absorb nutrients unless there's animal protein in my meal, idk it's weird but true, and I have to have a nuts amount of sodium and potassium because my electrolytes are always screwed due to medication, and I have to eat a lot of fat, and it's just so much to keep track of and if I screw it up I feel awful physically and it kind of exacerbates the whole issue. I really just don't know what to do. Any advice would be great. (I have never been officially diagnosed with an ED but I'm aware this is definitely disordered eating, and I am bringing it up to my therapist next appointment.)
