I get into a lot of arguments and have tons of opinions, but for some reason when I encounter someone who strongly argues against me in some opinion, especially if they call me out on a mistake, I get really nervous, and even if the argument ends amicably I still get anxious and the person leaves a bad impression on me and from then on every time I see them I get really nervous. Almost like I end up being scared of them. How can I work on that?
I get angry and even after the disagreement is resolved I have to keep reminding myself that it is resolved and not get mad at them for just existing. Over time the auto-mad effect fades. (yes, I get angry even if I was the one that was wrong - because I am never wrong even when I am.)
i don't know any solution but i have a similar thing. it's even worse if i percieve myself as the one messing up but even if i think i'm in the right it happens.
I hate the thing where everyone has the same feeling and nobody knows how to fix it... ah well, at least we're all suffering together I guess :) Do you guys think telling the person you argued with how you feel would make things better or worse?
it depends. on the one hand if you suspect the feeling is mutual, i think clear communication is better than confusing social dances. however if it isn't, as in if only i have the badfeels, i think trying to let the feeling fade is best. mainly 'cause the one time i tried to clear the air ended badly. telling someone who thinks you two are good friends that you have harbored negative feelings toward them from the outset is... well it didn't go over well. i repaired the situation, but i would not do that again. to be fair i also picked a very very bad moment to reveal that, and also i legit didn't think we were as close as the other person thought we were.
hoo boy I feel this way sometimes I don't relate much when it comes to getting in arguments. Usually I avoid arguments whenever possible and I'm afraid of confrontation/conflict in general. But on the rare occasion that I attempt letting my thoughts/opinions be known and another person shoots them down in an instant, I feel very shitty afterwards. To the point where I, at some point, feel like I'll always be in the wrong. And naturally I'll feel more intimidated around these people as a result. Expressing how the other person is making you feel might make them want to apologize for any insensitivity, but if that doesn't work, then they aren't worth trying to convince. Say you'll agree to disagree and move on from that, even if it's hard to let go of. Surrounding yourself with more like-minded people afterwards may help with coping too. Doesn't work for everyone though. Unfortunately this is one of those things that... make life a struggle. :( Sometimes there isn't a way to work around it.
I have no solution, but yes, I know that feel. It's good to know I'm not alone, especially in the anxiety. If you have a therapist, bringing it up with them might be worthwhile. It's something I'm working on with my therapist. Slow going, but there you go.
