I hope this isn't super offensive or anything, but I could really use some... advice? support? reality checking? It just comes off sounding like one of those "complaining family members" things. But. Both of the people I'm currently in romantic relationships have ADD, and I have been working for literal years with both of them to make sure everyone's needs in our relationships are getting met. Most days I feel like I'm doing pretty okay, but then I see something like this cross my facebook feed, and it's just like a punch in the gut of "I feel like this all the time and it's not okay what do I do?" Because I am always fighting to be noticed, to not be dropped as soon as something distracting comes along - and especially in the case of the partner I don't live with, for him to basically remember I exist. (He misses me. He wants to talk to me! He just... gets distracted halfway to his phone or whatever.) I feel pathetic and whiny and maybe just need to hear success stories? Or something? I don't even know what I need at this point. @Anomal(eee) please feel free to chime in on your perspective of this, as one of the partners; I know I'm not being very good at explaining right now.
I should probably mention that I'm not nearly as bothered by... I guess we'll call him N to avoid having to awkwardly skip around using a name- being pretty terrible about reaching out to us. Part of that is, yeah, I'm pretty terrible at it too, so I have an easier time with not hearing from him much, but I've also just had to dial back how much I care about getting his attention because even if I'm regularly checking in and trying to get it, it doesn't happen. If I'm just letting things slide in a "hey, I'll hear from him when I hear from him, hope he's doing okay" sort of fashion, at least when I do hear from him then, I'm not having to deal with the mixed emotions of "oh good, he's talking to me" with "oh NOW you finally decide to answer me", because he's reaching out of his own volition instead of me feeling like I just harassed him into grudgingly interacting with me for a little bit. Trouble is, me deciding not to hound him means that I haven't had any type of communication with him since I saw him in person- when I was helping him move out of town, three weeks ago. I'm trying to let our relationship be the more lowkey and low expectations one of the two, because I'm okay without the more intense connection and it hopefully gives him more spoons to talk with Kit. It doesn't actually seem to be making a positive difference, though, and we're looking at an interaction deficit that is making even me wonder what the fuck is going on, because yeah, I forget to answer messages and find them days later, or whatever, but I do eventually answer. :/ And I may have voluntarily dropped our relationship down the priority tree to try and cut back on demands for his time that he's stressing about, because he does have a myriad of health issues and other stuff he's also dealing with, but he and Kit have been moirails for a while on top of everything else, so the lack of communication between them is worrying me too, because if there was any time he needed someone to talk to, it's now. So yeah, if anybody has stories or tips to share, I think any little bit can help right now.
Okay re: I also have teh ADDs, got a little distracted trying to give background. >.> Anyway, I feel like I should clarify that I don't think Kit is just overdramatizing N exhibiting any symptomatic behavior at all. Tl;dr the struggle is real, plz halp
