This probably won't make a whole lot of sense so I'll go ahead and apologize for that. AnywAy to get to the point I have no Idea what to do, how to move forward, or just generally want the world to stop and leave me alone until I can get myself together! A bit of a back story I have been working two jobs that together give me less than 40 hours a week and I'm lucky to get more than half a day off a week. I have no motivation to do anything at all. I can't focus or remember anything to save my life and when I can focus on something that's it good luck getting anything else to stick. To add onto everything else I'm going to be taken off my mom's insurance when my birthday rolls around so I'll have to start paying for that as well as my other bills so just quitting is a no go, and if I go see my doctor she'll probably subscribe more medicine I can't afford or therapy with the same problem and since I still live at home the chances of getting any sort of government help is sky high. The icing on top of the cake is this is a ongoing issue. I have always felt useless and like I amount to nothing but when I started trying to get out in the world my lack of social skills and anxiety just became all that more apparent as I can't keep a job for more than a year or two and just generally finding out my best still isn't enough. Correction the cherry on top of the icing is having no one to talk to about it. I don't have any friends outside of the internet and my folks are far from supportive as far as mental health is concerned. I had a meltdown at the worse of my jobs a couple weeks ago and came home to hear a bunch of suck it ups, and a busy day is no reason to be crying which just adds to feeling like a hypersensitive lump so it starts a vicious cycle. Tldr life is awful don't know where to go or what to do and intrusive thoughts are coming back that scare me.
