I've been thinking on a convo I had with my partner recently, and we were talking about empathetic responses (Mostly re: autism which they probably have and i...who the fuck knows) and halfway through we figured out that we were talking using two different definitions of the word. Like apparently, I had the definitions of sympathy and empathy backwards, and now im really confused. dictionary says: the psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another. When other people are distressed, or I'm watching someone in pain (I can't watch medical shows/surgery because of this) I involuntarily imagine things happening to me and then I get upset. But is that sympathy, because I'm feeling what *I* would feel in that situation? Or actual empathy? (I feel like a screenshot of psyduck would be applicable here)
Pretty sure that's empathy. Empathy is about feeling what others do(even if it's fictional). Sympathy is more like knowing that someone is having a bad time, but not feeling it.
Fwiw, i experience other people's suffering as directly distressing without any intermediate steps. My guess would be theres a gradient of experiences and not really two totally seperate things happening.
Yeah, the way I wrote it seems detached, but it's not even conscious; if I see someone getting injured I immediately flinch or feel ghost pain in that area. I'm not thinking about it, it just happens. Someone I met through an mmo just lost a close family member and when I found out I immediately felt depressed, because fuck, he's a really nice, friendly guy, and even though I've only known him for like a few weeks, that's a horrible thing for anyone to have to go through. but I always hated this response because other people's pain can actually be...kind of crippling for me, once I know about it I worry all the time and keep feeling it unless I can fix it somehow...it's bad. I've been told to stop being so emotional about things I can't do anything about, but I can't just turn it off. And it feels like making other people's pain about me...which... :/
Yeah, my moirail is high empathy like that. She can't watch things with people getting hurt. She also does this thing where she picks up on my feelings before I know what they are. So she'll ask why I'm angry/depressed, and I'll be confused. But lo and behold, a couple of minutes later, I'm actually angry/depressed. It took a while getting used to that xD But no, you're fine. High empathy does that. I'm on the other end with extremely low empathy.
The weird thing is, I'm pretty bad at reading other people's emotions in person. I frequently think people are angry or bored or annoyed when they're not...but idk if that's anxiety or the fact that I don't like making eye contact so I didn't learn how to read faces... I love drawing facial expressions as an artist but real people are a weird mystery to me a lot of the time. It could be growing up with my mom and expecting her to be angry at me a lot, too. Brains are so goddamn strange. @Lissiel the gradient thing makes sense. Also there are times when I'm just too plain exhausted to care about other people's feelings, or if I'm angry with someone it seems to turn it off temporarily.
That cartoon feels weird to me because I always heard that saying things like "that really sucks" is validating their emotions while saying stuff like "I've been there too, I know what it's like" is making it about you? So like the opposite?
Both is good, I think? It also depends on your closeness to the person. "I am sorry that happened" is a good thing you can use in general, I think, even with casual acquaintances. Some people do like common ground, they find comfort in knowing someone else has also gone through the same thing. It is how I talk to a lot of people, but one has to be careful not to expand too far. Simply saying "I had something similar happen to me as well, it does suck, if you want advice on how to deal, feel free to ask" might be good. This is also somewhat location-based. What works in one country, won't work in another.
I've definitely seen some stuff going around Tumblr claiming that saying "I know what it's like" is basically the worst and hella self centered and awful and etc etc because it's Tumblr. I think it's a different strokes for different folks sort of thing. Like, personally, when I vent about a problem, I am actually asking for problem solving (if possible) rather than validation. That's because for the most part validation of my feelings doesn't really do much for me. There are exceptions of course, but mostly I just want advice on how to deal with a problem and not really so much on the "you're not wrong for feeling this way", because that's not really how I think. Of course, because I think that way, I also think people are asking for the same thing when they vent about stuff even when they aren't. One friend of mine is very much someone who vents for validation's sake, and finds it frustrating when I try and do problem solving for her issues. Another is a vent for validation type but also appreciates attempts at problem solving. IDK, maybe this isn't really the same topic since "I've been there, here's how I dealt with it" is only tangentially related to saying that you've been there too? /shrug Either way, it just depends on the person I think. I'm also pretty low on the empathy scale, for what it's worth.
Empathy: Merriam-Webster a. the imaginative projection of a subjective state into an object so that the object appears to be infused with it b. the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner; also : the capacity for this OED 1. In the psychological theory of K. Lasswitz: a physical property of the nervous system analogous to electrical capacitance, believed to be correlated with feeling. Obs. rare. 2. a. Psychol. and Aesthetics. The quality or power of projecting one's personality into or mentally identifying oneself with an object of contemplation, and so fully understanding or appreciating it. Now rare. b. Psychol. The ability to understand and appreciate another person's feelings, experience, etc. Etymology from OED calque of German Einfühlung, on ἐμπάθεια < em- + n. or adj., with general sense ‘to bring into a certain condition or state’; also (cf. 3) ‘to furnish with something’. + παθ- (path), root of πάθος (pathos) suffering, feeling, πάσχειν to suffer. Sympathy: Merriam-Webster 1. a. an affinity, association, or relationship between persons or things wherein whatever affects one similarly affects the other b. mutual or parallel susceptibility or a condition brought about by it c . unity or harmony in action or effect <every part is in complete sympathy with the scheme as a whole — Edwin Benson> 2.a. inclination to think or feel alike : emotional or intellectual accord <in sympathy with their goals> b. feeling of loyalty : tendency to favor or support <republican sympathies> 3.a. the act or capacity of entering into or sharing the feelings or interests of another b.. the feeling or mental state brought about by such sensitivity <have sympathy for the poor> 4. the correlation existing between bodies capable of communicating their vibrational energy to one another through some medium OED 1. a. A (real or supposed) affinity between certain things, by virtue of which they are similarly or correspondingly affected by the same influence, affect or influence one another (esp. in some occult way), or attract or tend towards each other. Obs.exc. Hist. or as merged in other senses. 2. a.Conformity of feelings, inclinations, or temperament, which makes persons agreeable to each other; community of feeling; harmony of disposition. b. The quality or state of being affected by the condition of another with a feeling similar or corresponding to that of the other; the fact or capacity of entering into or sharing the feelings of another or others; fellow-feeling. Also, a feeling or frame of mind evoked by and responsive to some external influence. Const. with (a person, etc., or a feeling). c. The quality or state of being thus affected by the suffering or sorrow of another; a feeling of compassion or commiseration. Const. for, with (a person), for, in, with, †rarely of (an event, experience, etc.). d. In weakened sense: A favourable attitude of mind towards a party, cause, etc.; disposition to agree or approve. Const. with, rarely for, in. Etymology < late Latin sympathia, < Greek συμπάθεια , < συμπαθής having a fellow feeling, < σύν sym- together + path, see above This has bothered me for a long time.
