What it says on the tin. I'm staying w them for a week or so bc their parents are elderly so I'm doing the cooking and heavy lifting etc. Surgery was this morning. They fell asleep and I should probably sleep too because I've been up since about 4am but. when it comes to injuries and surgeries or whatever, if someone's in immediate need I can like. Turn off my squicks. I think adrenaline/my nurturing side just kicks in so I can handle it. So I've seen the incisions a few times while helping them w stuff (like emptying the drains) and I thought I was ok. Because I was p calm about it. But now I'm lying in bed and I keep thinking about the fact that there are holes in them and it's bad and it freaks me out. Like I'm happy for them, they needed this surgery bc of really bad dysphoria, but my brain is flipping out over the concept of the person I love being all cut up. Thoughts...would be appreciated.
I don't think I have any helpful advice or anything, but I think it's great that you're helping your partner out like this.
@Ink sorry was having a hard time thinking of what to say, but. Thank you. Even tho I feel like I fall short of the plate sometimes. I feel like it's just something I need to do? So there wasn't even a question in my mind about it...I just wish I were tougher sometimes.
Also the stuff Luka has been saying about intrusive thoughts recently got me thinking that maybe that's what it is. Like its not new for me, I just thought it was anxiety talking when my brain would come up with the worst case scenario for things and fixate on it. But I didn't really understand *why* and having a explanation kinda helps.
I used to wonder what I would do if a loved one needed prolonged personal care. I wasn't sure I could do it. Then it happened and I didn't even hesitate. I moved in with the loved one and did the things. I wasn't a perfect caregiver and I still sometimes, years later, sort of want to berate myself for my shortcomings. The thing is, I did it. So, you're doing it. In the final analysis that is what counts. Your loved one is cared for. :)
i haven't helped anyone after that kind of surgery, but i was with my mom when she broke her arm and i didn't freak out until later. i think it's kind of a normal human reaction: deal with bad thing now, freak out later. and "someone i love is hurt" (which is what it sounds like) is a really compassionate reason to be alarmed, especially paired with you helping them. i agree wholeheartedly
i don't know a lot about intrusive thoughts so this could be completely useless, but would attaching "and now they're healing and then they will have the body that makes them happy, and that makes me happy" to the bad thought every time it pops up help? especially if concentrating on the "now healing" part and the "they will be so much happier" part? like, every time the thought pops up you just go SHUT UP MABEL THE HURT IS DONE AND IT'S HEALING AND PONIES TIME NOW. or try to imagine their body once it's healed entirely? if this freaks you out too much you should tell your partner that you keep having delayed omg-they're-in-pain-nooo reactions, too, especially if you make it clear that this doesn't mean you want to stop caring for them. maybe hearing them talk about how they might be sore now but in the long run they're glad they did it will also help you?
I'll try to keep this stuff in mind. Unfortunately the "backseat driver" treatment of intrusive thoughts doesn't seem to work so well for me, maybe because I have a hard time separating them from myself, but also because they tend to be movie-like visuals instead of word-thoughts? So for example, Spoiler: gross stuff I got treated to a nice detailed visualization of what would happen if a drain tube caught on something and was pulled out of the incision. And then my brain decides to play it over and over for me, at random times, and I didn't know how to make it stop. so to clarify...that's what I mean by intrusive thoughts. :( I don't get a lot of them that are perpetrated by me, they're usually random horrific circumstance. That's said, things seem to be improving as time goes on, for them and for me, at least. (Now I wonder if this thread belongs on the brain forum instead? Hm)
aughgh. :( that does sound particularly unpleasant. yeah, maybe the brain forum will have some ideas.
Well, since the drains are out the annoying horrible thoughts have stopped, which is good. Things seem to be healing nicely. I change the dressings daily now and that's fine except for the lower most layer which is this cloth...stuff...covered in some kind of medical goop that sets off both our sensory alarms. D: Thankfully A had the idea of using tweezers to handle it, so I only have to touch it every 4 days or so in order to cut up a sheet of it into smaller pieces, which last a little while. The medical binder they have to wear is a bit of a problem, though. It's been hurting their ribs and making it impossible to sleep (they have a sensory issue with the constriction, hence why the surgery was so necessary because wearing a binder was impossible for them) so I suggested they only wear it during the day. The doctor said to only take hour long breaks from it, but I'm pretty sure you can get rib injuries from wearing such things for too long?? We're going to try to call about it because the follow up isn't for another week. In annoying news, I am currently sick with a fever and sore throat and desperately hoping I won't pass it on to them. D: