First off, trigger warnings- due to the nature of this thread and my mental issues, self-harm and suicidal thoughts and feelings will be mentioned, but hopefully not detailed. So I've spent the last day or so reading up on BPD symptoms, took a few self-diagnosis tests and read up a little on the BPD threads here. I'm not complete sure if I have it, if I do it sounds rather mild, but the general consensus with symptoms and tests seems to be "yeah, you should probably look into that." Based on symptoms lists, I have about 6 or 7 of the 9 to 12 listed, with the exact symptoms varying by list. My symptoms include: fear of abandonment and going to exceptional lengths to avoid it impulsivity and self-destructive behaviors (mostly related to food and spending habits) some degree of splitting/black and white mentality self harming behavior and suicidal thoughts (often worse under stress) self image issues? this is one of the ones where I'm not sure? emotional instability, including recurrent periods of depression, and some anxiety chronic feelings of boredom and emptiness paranoid thinking? this is one of the ones where I'm not sure? low self-esteem and poor self image relationship "issues" (not necessarily with people I am in a relationship with) So, the purpose of this thread is to seek help with whether I may have BPD or if I'm overanalyzing this, and what I should do next if I do have it/how to manage it, along with the depression I am already managing. Any input is appreciated.
Could be BPD, could be Bipolar or just depression, especially because there's a few you're not sure about. For self image, some examples of that would be... very extreme changes in how you view yourself. This can be in labels (such as your sexuality and gender) to your self esteem as a whole. Everyone has at some point a fluctuation in their self image, so what classifies between that and BPD is how extreme and often that image fluctuates. You also have to take into account your age if you're under or barely over 18. Paranoia in BPD is most often paired with the fear of abandonment and most of the paranoia centers around that, since BPD's most classifying feature is that fear. BPD Paranoia tends be extreme to the point where you actually believe it and have a hard time convincing yourself your paranoia isn't the reality. And of course, relationship issues never are exclusive to just people you're romantically involved with, but your friends and family as well. Those of us with BPD tend to have trouble maintaining our relationships. We'll go from clingy to distant in a few hours, and very easily split on our favorite person, going from loving them one moment and hating them the next. (Another classifying feature of BPD is having a favorite person). I'm sure you knew this already, but hopefully some hint of examples help a bit more!! Professionally speaking, you need to exhibit 7 of the 12 symptoms (and be 18 or older) to be diagnosed. Other disorders that tend to me co-morbid (and sometimes are causing the BPD symptoms instead of BPD) are Any anxiety disorder Panic disorder PTSD Any eating disorder Avoidant personality disorder Obsessive-Compulsive disorder Dependent personality disorder Paranoid personality disorder As for dealing with it... the best thing you can do is talk about it. Personality disorders are sucky because they're... well, your personality, which is not something you can just medicate to fix or even lessen all the symptoms (if you have anger issues though, omega 3 fatty acids are really good for that). I'd recommend seeking out dialectical behavior therapy. Even if you don't have BPD I think it would still be really beneficial to lessening the symptoms you do have. Good luck love!!
I'm 23, should probably have mentioned that, because yes with these topics age is definitely something to consider. Regarding extreme changes in self-image: I generally have very poor self esteem, but I actually do have some gender issues. It's not a constant thing, it's rarely even that intense, but sometimes I really wanna be a girl and not a guy. Often related to body image issues or wanting to be like a specific person. And I'm... currently trying to find a new image for myself, actually. Because I've been my current image for several years and I feel like I need to change. But that could just be feeling like I'm in a rut, not BPD. Regarding paranoia: I do have a strong fear that people will abandon me, I worry that my friends secretly hate me and it's something I need reassurance on (to the point that it bothers some of them), but it may not be extreme enough to qualify as paranoia. I also worry about not being good enough for people (specific people, or anyone). Regarding relationship issues: I tend to be clingy rather than swinging from clingy to distant, I only get distant if I get upset with someone (often for dumb and selfish reasons) but will swing back to clingy even if I'm upset with them. I don't think I have a favorite person. Or if I do, it varies too much. I can say when I fall for people romantically I fall very fast and very hard, and I'm currently working on studying someone so I can emulate them. (it's also possible I don't know what qualifies as a favorite person? but I think I do) Where is this list of 12 symptoms, exactly? I should probably do some more research on other personality disorders. Thank you for the information, Mayaa.
Here's a good post explaining what an FP is and what it means to people with BPD. As for what you said about emulating people, that right there is a very big obvious flag that BPD is something legitimate to consider. The unstable sense of identity often leads us to pick and choose personality traits others exhibit that people seem to like them for, because we have trouble pinning down what our own personality is, and we may believe that everybody hates us anyway, but they don't hate that person, so I'm gonna be more like that person. If that makes sense. Here's a link to the DSM-V's criteria for all recognized personality disorders. BPD should be near the bottom of the 6th page. I think you need to hit a certain number of symptoms in each category, but I'm not sure what those numbers are. I think I proctored my diagnosis at 17 because I hit on average more than 4 in each section.
Regarding emulating people- Yes! no one likes me! I mean. I know they say they do. But it's a struggle to believe it. I'm trying. But I feel like everyone would like me better if I were Them instead of myself. They are really popular and people look up to Them and go to Them for advice and They're very conventionally attractive to boot. Thank you again for the links, gonna look over those and make another post here later.
Okay I went through the checklist on Tumblr (not the PDF yet) and my scores are as follows. Section 1: 2.5 out of 4 Section 2: 2.5 out of 4 Section 3: 2 out of 3 Section 4: 3 out of 7, plus 7, 10 out of 18 Section 5: 3 out of 4? I think? I'm not sure? I don't know exactly when the symptoms started and my depression is a lot more obvious. Let's say it's a pass. Section 6: 23 out of 35. Um. So yeah. Gonna try to read that PDF. And read up on possible other disorders. But I think this may be a thing.
Quick personal story, I was mis-diagnosed as Bipolar at 15 which was later corrected by a psych at 17 due to faulty tests the doctor who diagnosed me with Bipolar gave me. If you seek professional opinions now or in the future, do be aware of that being actually quite common. They are both very similar. However since you've put in the research, you should be able to safely say "I think I have [x]" and they'll take your personal opinion into account as well as with what their tests reveal.
Alrighty. Also, loosely related issue. I'm getting negative feelings because They aren't responding to the last few messages I sent them. They honestly don't like me very much and They only answer half my messages anyway but ugh this always bothers me. They've been online. I've seen Them. So what the hell?
I feel that. It's still very hard for me to rationalize why they're not responding with something that isn't "they hate me and are ignoring me" haha. The best thing you can do in that case is walk away from the non-existent conversation and move on to something else, even if it's a mindless time-passing activity. It's easier said than done, but worrying about it won't make them respond any faster. Gah I wish I knew how to better help with that, cause the anxiety caused by that is a biiitch. ;;
No, the thing is They probably DO hate me. Their girlfriend hates my guts already, but They respond to about half my messages. This is a legitimate thing. And okay. Thank you.
Oh... in which case, fuck 'em LOL. If you can, I suggest going straight up "be honest, do you actually enjoy my company/friendship/whatever" and see what they say. Trying to be straightforward and intuitive in your relationships is important as fuck to learn. And you may find it extremely hard but holy shit the liberation you'll get from it is amazing and healthy and good and a huge step towards management of really any anxiety based disorder. EDIT: the reason I say it's important to be intuitive is because those of us with BPD are highly susceptible to abuse (bc of our fear of abandonment), so learning to cut off and keep relationships now when you're not in an abusive situation is a huge step to recognizing and getting out of abusive relationships that may happen in the future
Im doing the comparing myself to others thing again. Which combined with how I've felt the past day and a half is not good for me. I want validation and attention, or failing that, martyrdom.
A good remedy for that, if you can convince yourself hard enough, is that other people ain't that great either. Like, in the case of friends, it's a lot easier because behind whatever persona or trait of theirs I'm comparing myself to, I know that they're actually a huge idiot like me, so it's okay. Stuff like that, if you can. :) But otherwise, in general, other people ain't that great.
