So there have been two incidents in the last several weeks where I walked away from a person/situation and I've. .. never really done that before? Like, asserted any kind of boundary or determined that I wanted no part in something...? The first was super painful. A childhood friend convinced me to be her roommate and schedule my life and classes basically around her. (At the time i kind of realized that she was manipulating me, but I couldn't find a way to say no, or convince myself that anything was really that bad or unusual) then she completely blows up on me over a tiny mistake, screams at me, insults me and my family and apparently she and other roommate were talking about how awful I was to live with and her mother had been obsessed with spewing awful thinges about me since 4th grade...and I had only been moved in a little over a week! So I left, on bad terms, because the hostility in that place was giving me so much panic and anxiety and I told myself " you're standing up for yourself, no one gets to treat you that way" but emotionally I'm still all messed up. So the second incident was really recent. I dropped a class and decided to stop trying for one of my minors. I only was picking up a math minor because aforementioned childhood friend wanted me to do it with her, and it turns out I really don't like abstract proofs with no concrete examples or much of what a math degree would entail. Basically, this class made me anxious, the professor's teaching style was so bad and I had no desire to get the degree it fulfilled a requirement for. (I actually tried to switch to another professor, but he was like " no way we've already had 7 lectures" and thought I couldn't keep up... but... I had been in the same class for that whole time... just a different teacher. So I'm mad and disappointed, but.. not really? When I told my mom I planned to drop the course she said I should just try harder, but the entire course was a problem, not just that it was difficult. .. I just want to get an outside view? Because I've never done anything like that and it feels a lot like giving up and I have a lot of internalized pressure going " be the best, if you quit you die, you're always going to be right on the verge of failure and you have to be trying really hard all the time just to be the bare minimum of acceptable" (wow, thanks for spelling it out, jerkbrain) So. Question. Is this "Jun grows a spine and leaves two toxic/unhelpful situations" or "Jun is a quitter who needs to suck it up"?
the former. that takes SO MUCH STRENGTH, walking away from bullshit like that. you were forced into doing things against your will/better judgment, and you took control of your own facilities and removed yourself from those situations.
seconding banshu! If you're (hopefully ex-) friend talks serious crap and screams at you for minor mistakes after a week of living together, that's on her. Kudos to you for getting the hell out of dodge. Also, like, dropping a minor that isn't interesting or useful to you is not only not bad, it is downright responsible. Again, you did a good.
You're standing up for yourself and being responsible, like @Avery said. I may be a stranger, but I'm proud of you all the same.
It sounds like you might benefit from practice letting go of things that aren't worth having. You've made some good first steps here, though, and yeah, making these decisions is an important part of growing up. Well done. I am also proud of you. The reason I say to practice is just so you get used to the idea of the world not ending when you do assert boundaries.
Yeah, you're absolutely doing the right thing there. It sounds like the exact way someone who's been... well, bluntly, grooming someone to take their abuse reacts when the person stops taking it. That's no friend, honestly. As for the major: A) the fact that you were only there because of upthread "friend" is a worrying thing on its own, B) why wouldn't you skaddle if you don't like it? college costs money. why pay for something you neither need nor enjoy?
Seconding all that's been said. It's really, REALLY hard to put yourself first, even when you should, and it's simultaneously really easy to try and play down the hurt or difficulties you're experiencing and try and just tough it out. I don't know how much this helps from an internet stranger, but I am hella proud of you for putting your own wellbeing at the fore and trusting your own instincts. That takes guts, and it's not easy!
