I can't tell if I'm being paranoid or not. I'm afraid I'm going to be fired, mostly because they interviewed another welder the other day, and that means they're looking for a new guy. But the welding department is fucking tiny, and for good reason. The whole location is less then twenty employees working production, we only have one welder and one little portable one not suitable for delicate welds, and there's just not enough work for three guys. Nobody's said anythkng to me. About anything. They didn't even say anything when they were giving the dude his weld test. And it's like, I get it. I'm not good enough at this to make up for being a creepy weirdo. I can't talk loud enough to be heard in n industrial environment, so I don't. And I'm bad at words and don't do jokes too and I flinch and don't look directly at people and one time I accidentally walked away when someone was talking to me cause she walked off the path I walk and idk, I just sucm and I should have said sorry, but I'm a bad person and I wasn't really sorry. She's nice, but I am a bad person and talking hurts my head and my heart and I just want to work, godammit. I need this, I need structure and purpose. Fuck, I don't know. I'm fucking worthless.
i don't know enough to know if this is paranoia, but it sounds like you are worried that your mannerisms are so objectionable that they outweigh the work you do? i honestly don't know. i would think that if you're doing a decent job then being quiet and accidentally ignoring people wouldn't make them so upset that they'd go through the hiring process all over again. for what it's worth, you don't seem like a creepy weirdo to me. so maybe you don't seem that way to your co-workers either. i hope things turn out okay for you.
As a very anxious and paranoid person myself, first thing that comes to mind is: would you feel better or worse if you straight up asked your boss if you are being replaced? Some people are people who feel better asking (can know with certainty what is happening upon receiving an answer and avoid the "I DON'T KNOW" panic, which is what typically does me worst), and some people feel better not knowing (allows the comfort of not having to deal with it unless it happens and putting it out of your mind until then if you're able). I also tend to be a little odd at work (I'm only so good of an actor at being 'normal') and for a while I was worried it would count against me, and I still do, but for the most part as long as the work gets done it doesn't seem to matter? So I just try to focus extra hard on making sure the work I do is satisfactory+ and remind myself not to stress over whether people think things I do to keep myself mentally together are weird or not. Don't forget that you are not the only welder, it sounds like. There is always the possibility something is going on with the other(s?) you don't know about!
i think i just wanna let it lie. I've finally reached the point where i've stopped panicking over the thought of being a failure, and at this point if i get fired, oh well, wasn't much a fan of the job anyway and I needed to learn a fee things. Namely, slow the fuck down and make sure you understand what you're doing. I don't think they'll keep me, Steve, and the new guy on, but, then again, the company isn't that great at what it does, honestly? It's an American location for a German company, and my workplace has never had a year since its founding where it's ended up in the black. My boss mentioned on my first day that the main dudes in Germany have had to send us bailout money every year. Gonna try and learn from this, work hard, do better, amd look for jobs on the side. If i get fired, i have money saved up. it'll be okay. Thanks for listening to me spew my idiot babble all over the place, guys.
