Relationships are hard and things never stop from keep happening (resolved)

How does one come to terms with the fact that they most likely have to break up with their s/o, not because they don't care about each other, but because their needs are kind of contradictory, relationship-wise?

That's the situation I'm in at the moment, and I'm having a really hard time with it. I know its probably for the best in the long run, because if one or the other person has needs that the other can't meet, then it's not really fair to either of them but... I'm still super in love with this guy, and I know he really cares for me.

It's just a generally shitty situation, really. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

There's not much advice I can offer without specific information re: your needs. But it sucks to have to separate from someone for reasons other than lack of attraction; my partner is moving far away, so the two of us are currently dealing with some of the same roadblocks.

If there's no way to negotiate a system that works for you both, then there's no reason you have to stop caring about each other, right? Emotional intimacy is possible between friends - it doesn't have to dissolve the instant you break up. One of my closest friends is somebody I once dated, and our relationship is many times more valuable now than it was when we were partners.

 

in general terms, he works best with more assertive people and needs someone who can push him out of the bad headspaces he gets into. I'm not a particularly assertive person, and my first instinct is to comfort, not to confront. And on the other side, I don't do well with someone pushing me when I'm upset, and he has a bunch of self-loathing issues that make me upset because I have an overactive empathetic response, and he responds to me getting upset about him being mad at himself by... getting more mad at himself. Obviously, this isn't very helpful.

 

So, we did end up breaking up, like , just a little while ago, but it was a mutual thing, and the final decision was mine. I'm gonna be really sad for a while, but it was ultimately a decision between what i wanted and what i knew was the right thing for the both of us. We're still going to be good friends, and i know we'll both be ok.