i have never had a roomate and still live at home but will hopefully be able to move out soon because of school and will have one! any advice/tips/what you wish you had known/etc would be greatly appreciated current concerns are: • tips/advice around knowing if someone will he a good roomate/safe person? • what kind of relationship is one expected to have with a roomate? but there are probably more im not thinking of. thanks in advance for any advice.
It depends on the roommate! I have had ones I was sort of distantly cordial with and I locked my bedroom door at night and made sure to clean the kitchen as I went, and then there's Tristan who is basically my spouse. Probably the best course for happiness is trying to communicate about expectations: if they are willing to communicate, they'll probably be a decent roommate. Some will want to hang out and maybe do board games or joint dinner preparation once a week - some will not. You'll figure out your own comfort level for that. One thing I'd try to focus on is following through on stuff that's you've said you'll do or giving your roommate a heads-up: dirty dishes just sitting around can foment a surprising amount of resentment that explanations can help with.
Communication is key. Some people make roommate contacts saying what's okay and what's super not okay. Make sure that things like that are communicated before they happen so that people don't start to resent each other. I've had good and bad roommates. One of my roommates kicked me out of the room during finals so she could Skype with her boyfriend. On the other end of the spectrum I had a roommate from China who came to my house for winter break and I went to visit her family in China over summer break.
this is very helpful, thank you both! knowing that i dont really have to be close with this person if i dont want to is very helpful. just cohabitation is okay? re: communication, do you have recomendations for some specific questions that i should ask before deciding that i want to room with this person?
Just cohabitation is super okay! I had a roommate I lived with for almost a year and we spoke less than four hours that whole time. Like, that was kind of strained and distant for roommate stuff, but acceptable for both of us at the time. How do you see chore splits going? Are you a morning person? (just to have the discussion of 'no it doesn't mean i hate you if i just sort of stare vacantly past you before i've had caffeine' can be useful) What kind of hours do you keep? (compatibility here is super important) Would you want to have people over often, and what would policy on that be? (like - a couple hours notice? at least a day's worth? are overnight guests expected to be normal?)
Set the rules down early. If both of you get into a habit of "assuming" things will happen, that can be fine, but sometimes you want to have everything up front. Fr'instance, we (me and fave roomie) didn't set chore charts in the current situation, and now we're literally the only ones doing a lot of them.
