okay so i had arrangements with my school that i didnt have to go everyday yet, and that we'd work up to full time okay, fine. this was because i was severely burnt out, and couldnt go that often, i just couldnt do it so we started with 2days a week for a month, then 2+1/2days, then 3 days. 3 days was february. we also had an exchange program going on this month, fucking stuff up. also a camp trip for half the class (its a grade split) so i was supposed to go 3 days a week, preplanned with my teacher+schol counselor i did. the exchange happened late last week and early this week. we had made arrangements with schoool that my "partner" owuldnt be staying with me like everyone else. because burnout and i needed my ME time to recharge. especially since mme said i had to go the full 4 days they had activities. exchange looked like this wednesday-dinner with exchange students +parents at school thursday-day 1 at human rights museum friday-day 2 at human rights museum saturday-you time* sunday-youtime* (i ended up meeting my partner for lunch with our respective moms, got dessert+did crafts) monday-morning at the forks, afternoon at winnipeg harvest tuesday-morning at zoo, afternoon at bowling alley *youtime- for people with partners at their house, you still had them, were expected to do at least 1 interesting activity with them thursday and friday were fine, i came home exhausted for the weekend, because burnout sunday lunch and monday were fine, was completely exhausted, monday my reaccuring bakc and torso pain showed up. tuesday was a fucking trainwreck, was exhausted and had a shitty time, guys were being assholes, horrible horrible then the next day i had a counsolor? appointment (ive seen her a few times, cant remember her actually title name thing, dont think it is psyc-something) she's nice, i talked to her about tuesday being a train wreck since my classmates seem to think that because i am generally right and good with school work in the years theyve known me means i cant ever be worng so if i am it immmediate "WOW [imo] made a mistake?? woooooooow i cant beleive it, the robot makes mistakes. admit it, you were WRONG for once. i was right, cmon say it, {redacted asshole} was right. say it. hahaha you messed up" she also tried asking about how i was feeling emotionally, and i realised that i really dont feel much when i get exhausted like that. or i just cant remeber it. one of the two. i didnt feel the way my depression usually feels, numb empty, void sucking inside me. it didnt feel really angry, i was jsut CONSUMED with tired. tired tired tired. she wrote a note to the school to say that she really didnt think it was a good idea to up the scheduale by a half day for march. i mentioned not really wanting to go tomorrow (scheduale gave me yesterday and tommorow off already) she said that if it would only drain me more and extend the time needed to recharge, i shouldnt go. mom said she'd email the school if i still felt that way tonight, when she got bakc from a conference thing she was going to she was also supposed to speak at said conference, but her thing got cancelled cause noone signed up. 100$ less we wouldve had this week, and we're quite tight rn also means she's upset ALSO she got a cluster headache tongiht, apparently since early this morning. means she cant do basically anything till it goes away. crying in pain sorta dealio bad brother is trying to sign up for college too, needs money to try and get a spot in rez, WHETHER OR NOT HE GETS IN TO THE COLLEGE he has to try to reserve a spot otherwise theyll be all gone sis has stuff coming up that needs money there wasa fundraiser at my school that would help pay for any school trips i did this year. order forms were due today, sis promised to get some of her friends to buy stuff, they were going to, but never gave it to her/me, so no fundraised money. this has steered of of school hold on reel that back in because of mom's headache, it is way less likely she'll email the school about me not going tomorrow. she said she will, but i dont want to super trouble her with everything. she also said she'd ask bro to walk the note to school and give it to the people who need to see it. there was an end of month project due next monday. i havent even finished reading the book yet, let alone written the entire 5paragraph essay. i could probably do the entire essay over the weekend if i did literally nothing else and didnt currently have pain in my abdomen. it would exhaust the small bit of chrage i regained the past two days, and make going to actually school monday really hard, but i could do it. mme also doesnt seem to grasp the concept of, when im home it means i am removed from shcool talk? the only school things im willing to do at home, hat i can usually do reliably without super exhausting myself are homework. provided i have not deplenished my energy and need to recharge at home 3 days a week was REALLY pushing me. it exhausted my energy suplies the EXCHANGE exhausted my energy suplies and my backups. and my backups' backups. after two days of charging, i feel about at 20% charge, and that is with having a emotional session with counsolor yesterday there is other homework too, apparently there are forms for other outing days later a presentation next tuesday, or if im not there tuesday, whenever i am a math paper i DID finish saturday during the exchange i have to hand in a sci humaines paper im not done half of. the important half a signature about more homework stuff andd mme wants me to make my new schedule for march she was texting me about it. interferng with my me time. then my ipad did something stupid and isnt working. it is black and nothing shows up. the only thing that works is siri. she still talks and everything, still tries to initiate things i tell her to do i tried to get her to shut off the ipad (hoping a reboot would fix it) but she said "that is beyond my capabilities at the moment" it also took her a long time to process my speech, couldnt tell if it was just because i couldnt press the 'stop recording voice and process what you already have' button, or if it was lagging to shit what made this happen in the first place was my pinterest app glitched, so i hit the power button like i always do, but then it wouldnt turn back on. i cant get my ipad fixed unless i do it myself, because we dont have money to do that, and ive already used up the 1 free fix things the school offfered on their ipads. (to be more clear THEY used it to fix a fucking CRACK in the SCREEN and i didnt want them to bother, now look where we are) regardless that means i cant fucking access whatever texts mme sent me. they were about important shit, and i cant see them, or tell her that she wants me to make a schedule. she doesnt know about hte note yet. i am freaking out about the monthly reading project thing i havent done. i have a presentation. i have no good means of contact. mom said she would help me get an extension for the reading project. that really ISNT good cause then it gets into my time usable for march's reading project. my birthday is v soon i have to plan for that i want to have friends over and a proper party thing with them but money and energy. also mom is to incapacitated with headache to really email thouroughly (i think) i dont want to burden her with my shit. i keep feeling like id work so much better as an adult. im also trying to get diagnosises with counsoler (country healthcare one, not school) we're decently close, I have an appointment with a psycologist (psyciatrist?) where he'll asses me for the things. pursued ones are depression, and autism. maybe anxiety. (havent talked about the autism one here yet. am planning a thread in sperg forum, need to write down things as i remember them for counsoler, she saud that wouldbe helpful) BLUEUHEUEHEUHEEGHGUHEGHG (can anyone link me to the blank autism sheet seebs made? i will edit out someones responses form another thread if noone does, no prob, but a blank one'd be conveniant) edit; fuck it imma start with a non blank one. it also gives me some common ideas to remember stuff about me from
My iPad is fixed, by the power of leaving it alone unplugged for a few days, so one less thing to worry about.
if that happens again you can hardboot it by holding the power and home buttons until the apple logo shows up, or just for 30 seconds or so to make sure its doing what you want it to.
