okay so I've noticed that over the last few years or so my anxiety levels have generally shot the fuck up around October or so, leading to periods where I feel really anxious and my self-esteem drops like a stone. this gradually drops off and I start feeling better about myself fairly quickly, but it's still unpleasant when it happens. I think it's just starting again and it's particularly bad this year because I've recently started uni and, around the same time, started dating an incredibly sweet girl who I absolutely love but who also suffers from depression and self-harms and constantly worries her problems will push me away and sometimes says part of her wants to push me away because she doesn't think I deserve to have to deal with her problems. this combines with my pre-existing anxiety to throw me into a loop of 'oh god is she alright I should run to her flat and check if she's alright/oh god she just said something a bit weird and blunt or hasn't replied to messages at all in a while, what if she doesn't actually love me anymore/what if she hurts herself because no one was around to talk to her about how awful she was feeling because she felt she couldn't talk to me for fear of causing anxiety'. it's gotten to the point where I had an honest-to-god anxiety attack (partly because I was so worried about her) and she came to my place to check up on me, which is the opposite of what usually happens. I've been thinking of seeing a therapist but I'm reluctant to go to the trouble because the last therapist I had (when I was 15, but still) didn't help me at all and my girlfriend has been on a waiting list for one for a while now. any advice would be appreciated, but just ranting about it is helpful tbh
I'd say yeah. For years, I'd get really angrydepressed right after Halloween, and would stay that way until after New Year's. For me growing up, holidays were always stressful. Even once I was an adult, every time I was confronted with holiday stuff, I'd be reminded of the holiday. Which would remind me of my feels. Which would make me feel bad for feeling shitty while everyone else was apparently having a good time. I think there's a huge expectation (at least in the US) that Thanksgiving and Christmas are Happy and Joyful and Everything is Wonderful and Nothing Hurts. Except that's not the reality for a lot of people, so there's a huge cognitive dissonance that only adds to whatever sad/bad feelings they already have.
