I didn't sleep all night, and when I tried the nasty thoughts I'd been drowning out took over my head and I had a bout of despair and suicidal ideation. My mom seems to understand in theory that I have serious depression and anxiety and trauma, but insists on thinking that this can't possibly actually affect my life. I quit my last job because I couldn't cope with the stress even at 20 hours a week, and Mom blames me for quitting before I found something else, as if I wouldn't have done that if I could. It comes up every time we discuss my life plans. I got this talk again tonight and I'm feeling a strong urge to destroy something. I'm thinking a dozen thoughts at once. I feel dizzy. I want to bite through my skin. My boyfriend's not replying to my texts. I don't know what to do.
if you draw, the level of focus drawing takes for me helps me kick that feeling sometimes things that also work (for me, so ymmv): video games, obsessively planning for the future, drawing on skin, drinking in the shower otherwise, i guess you could use this thread as a rant of everything that's going through your head right now, and be able to keep coming back to it
I've found that drawing tight circles on my skin in marker or something helps with that kind of brainweird, at least enough to bring the intensity down a notch. Also *hugs* if you want them, that's a shitty place to be.
Thanks for the hug. Boyfriend called me and him and one of our friends made me breathe and convinced me to go upstairs and get food even though I feel ugly and embarrassed to be around other humans. Drawing sounds like a good idea; I haven't been doing enough of that.
