So currently, I live with my mom. This is... a terrible arrangement for everyone involved. My mother and I typically do not get along, and it's ten times worse when we have to be around each other constantly. Almost all of my friends live out of town, so I pretty much work and then come home and sit on the internet, and she does the same, so we're around each other for a good chunk of time every day, which usually leads to screaming fights. I've been kind of idly looking for a different place to live, but I barely make 300 dollars a month, so that hasn't really been going well. Except, I have a sort-of close friend who has a decent-sized apartment and is looking for a roommate, and only wants 150 dollars a month in rent (plus some chores). They've talked to me about it and they're totally on board with me moving in. The only thing is... I dated them in high school for a bit, and it didn't end well (they ended up cheating on me and then we didn't talk for like... two years). I've pretty much accepted that we were both in a shitty place mentally (we're both autistic, my therapist suspects I have AVPD, and they have BPD) and we probably shouldn't have been dating in the first place, and I've forgiven them for the cheating thing for the most part. At this point, I have absolutely no interest in any sort of relationship with them beyond friendship, but they're kind of like... trying to pressure me into a queerplatonic relationship with them, I guess? Like, they keep reblogging info posts about queerplatonic relationships (putting things like "maybe living together will help" and "i hope we can make this work" in the tags) and sending me anon asks about them (it's... very obviously them sending the messages, this only started after we started talking about me moving in with them). They've never actually talked to me directly about it, like, sent me a non-anon message or @'d me in any of the posts, but... this weird indirect/vague communication thing is what they used to do when we were dating, too, so I'm pretty sure I'm not, like, reading too much into it or anything. It's... kind of creeping me out, tbh, but I have literally no idea how to bring it up or like, assert my boundaries or whatever. Oh, I maybe should also mention that we hung out for a while on Monday and they kept acting like they were going to like, put their arm around me or lean their head on my shoulder but then backed out at the last second. Which made me kind of uncomfortable, because physical contact makes me uncomfortable in general. :T So like... what do? Should I just keep living with my mom, try to get more hours at work and hope I can find another place soon? Should I confront kind-of-creepy-friend about the posts? (How does one do something like that, even?)
My immediate reaction to the title of your post was, "No." Things are bad with your mom, but after reading your elaboration, I have a strong feeling that moving in with this friend would end up worse. People who try to pressure you into a relationship are always bad news, especially with this weird-ass sneaking around on anon bullshit they're doing. I really highly recommend trusting your gut on this one and turning them down.
agreed, I think moving in with them would lead to a deeply uncomfortable social clusterfuck. it's much harder to deal with issues like that when you're living with someone, and if it all goes south then you're stuck with them. i would try for more hours and save up, if I were you. it's a shitty situation all around, though :(
I was leaning strongly towards no based off the title alone, and after reading it, my answer is hell no. Try and get more hours, maybe see if any of your coworkers is looking for a roommate/knows someone who is, but definitely do not move in with them.
I just checked tumblr and they're alternately making posts like "how do I get my favorite person's attention without seeming desperate" and reblogging untagged posts of mine from 2 years ago, so... Iiii've pretty much decided moving in with them is a no-go. Y'all are right, $150 rent is... not worth it.
[makes yet another post] I told them I wasn't going to be able to move in with them and now they're vague posting about how upset I made them ("oh would you look at that, it's dissociation time", "i shouldn't have let myself put so much stock in this", etc). ...Welp.
i'm glad you dodged this bullet. too late for advice, but anybody that gets that pushy and that creepy likely have some ulterior motives. it's a manipulation tactic being executed poorly. i've been in a similar situation, though the people who wanted to move me in with them had less platonic reasoning behind it, and their increasingly creepy sexual behavior is what made me refuse to move and cut contact.
Have you ever tasted Coors Lite? It has all the features of water. No smell, no color, no flavor, and if you let it sit for more than 3 minutes, no carbonation.
They seem veeeeeeery likely to become emotionally abusive, if they aren't already, so uh. Yeah. Ya dodged that one ._.
