so like i have noticed this problem i have, and i know this is a problem. the thing is like i can't stop it from being a thing. i have a thing where if i have an interpretation of How Things Should Work, that is the only way they work. Like I got upset when my brother was in the wrong turning lane on the way home. Either technically work, but I was upset he was not in the lane me or mom would have taken. I also get upset when I am in an rp group, and there has been a way things have been done, and now people are talking about changing it or doing something different. It literally makes my head feel weird and wrong and I just want to go "NO!!!!" Like it makes me angry and frustrated and I cannot grok how they do not understand this is how the things work. Do not mess with how the things work. For fuck's sake I feel bad cuz it's caused so much conflict in my life because I am so inflexible
I am sort of reminded of the way autistic people feel when people Do Things Wrong. Or that might be because I read someone's blog recently and they really emphasised that things being out of order and not like they want/expect them to be is distressing. Not trying to diagnose you, but maybe that is helpful! Since it sounds like this is actually distressing to you, rather than you being a stubborn ram bastard like I am, personally. I do get grumpy when people don't do things the way I think they are supposed to be done, but it's about very specific things.
Yeah it is actually physically distressing and emotionally distressing and it makes my life hell because I'm seen as the very bad person who cannot bend to try new things because there is already an established way to do a thing
Um yes, that does sound like something that is actually out of your power. It does not make you a bad person to feel like this. I just hope you can get some help, because it does sound like you need it.
I see a therapist every tuesday but there is like... nothing much she seems to be able to say or do to help me with this. I am at my wits end with my weird stupid brain
*pets your brain gently if that is a thing you might like* New therapist? Some other type of therapist? It depends on what you are seeing her for in the first place. Because I mean, your feelings sound so strong that I am reluctant to suggest any sort of mindwork on this, it feels like it would only hurt you more. I wonder if anyone else here has something to say, or maybe experiences that relate?
I am seeing her for depression and motivation related problems along with pretty much generally everything. She's my go-to therapist for everything. I love her a lot, she's the best therapist I have ever been to, but I'm not sure there is much she can do about it. It just makes me feel like shit because if it gets strong enough I literally will throw shitfits and look like a total asshole.
Okay. I am glad she is at least helpful about the other things. It might be worth asking though. Like "have you encountered this before" or "what do you think this might be a part of" or "could it be a trauma thing or is it a constant personality trait" or "how to manage this". She could at least be able to help you drum up possible intervention/avoidance strategies, by questioning you on how the displeasure occurs and whether you can head it off in a way. I mean, right off I would suggest removing yourself from the people/place when you feel a shitfit coming on. But depending on the circumstance that might not be possible? How do you deal with it right now? Do you think there's any other way to deal with it? I mean, I am quite sure there are, but it might also be that you do not feel like that. Which makes it harder. :( *hugs lots* Hope this helped.
Well previously it was literally "run away from situation before I absolutely lose it on this person" Which sadly has caused just as much trouble as the shitfits. It's incredible. Like part of the drama that happened in my rp group was because of this and half of that half was either problems caused by me very quickly removing self from a situation, or me causing a shitfit because of it. Usually to deal with it I just... don't. I don't think about it, I try to ignore it. If it's bad enough, I just leave if possible. Otherwise sometimes shitfits are just unavoidable. Sometimes it ends in crying or breakdowns, sometimes it ends in me flying into a screaming rage. Sad part is I never seem to articulate WHY I am so mad or upset at the situation so it just looks like I am flying off the handle for no reason. Or for a different reason. It's so hard to explain to people why I am flipping my top.
Okay so when (for example) something happens like your brother uses the wrong turn lane, what happens in your head in those few moments before you hit anger? Do you imagine bad consequences from being in the "wrong" lane and worry about them and then get angry because those consequences are so easily avoided by just doing what you wanted? Or is it like wearing a sweater that's really itchy and half a size too small, something that builds up and grates on your nerves? Or something else? What about these things is upsetting to you? The problem isn't that you don't like it when things don't go the way that you think they should. The problem is that you don't have a way of coping with it that works out for you. If you approach this from the angle of "I have to change how I feel" then you've got a long uphill battle ahead. But you don't have to do that. You can approach this as "I need to find a way to cope with things being Wrong that doesn't hurt me or others" instead.
It's more like a sweater made out of angry bees that is three sizes too small being shoved over my head. I sometimes have to bite my tongue so hard I feel like I might bleed just to keep myself from flipping the fuck out. Sometimes it isn't so bad, if the offense is small and not super egregious. It also depends on who is doing the thing. My brother does something, someone just shoved angry bees in my head. My boyfriend? Itchy sweater.
Well, I'm pretty willing to state that biting your tongue that hard is not a good coping mechanism. It seems like you're in a pretty rough spot: removing yourself from the situation isn't always possible and can still have a bad outcome even when you can, ignoring it doesn't always work, and it sounds like you don't have a constructive way of expressing yourself when this happens. What I would think would be the useful thing would be to try to plan in advance what you do when things are Wrong. That way you don't have to rely on irritated-brain to process rational thought when it's processing NO THIS IS WRONG. I'm gonna pause here and note that this sounds maybe like an autistic meltdown to me and that I am not autistic but there are a whole lot of people on this forum who are, and if you're having autistic meltdowns they can probably give way better advice than I can. That said, these are some things I'm thinking. Finding a way to remove yourself temporarily from a situation without causing disruption would probably help you a lot. What I'm reading is that you just kinda nope out, and that you don't really follow up later. Things would probably work better if you could throw some useful words at people like "I need to take a break" or "I need to think about this" first, and then come back for problem-solving later. Even if that problem-solving consists of informing people "I'm sorry but because of brainweird doing this would suck so much for me that it would not be worth it." If the Wrong is going to be temporary and brief, like someone driving in a way that you would not have chosen, then it's not the worst idea to try to tune it out. Having some kind of distraction or alternative stimulus available can help. This isn't exactly the same thing, but when I get panicky, I sometimes chew gum with a really strong flavor because the sensory input of lots-of-mint + jaws working can drown out some of the other things going on in my head. Going in from the beginning with "unless someone has a strong reason not to, I would like to do things this way" or "once we have made a decision, I would prefer not to change it" will get you a lot further than you'd think.
Yeah, in the car I tend to pull out my ipod and just fiddle around and listen to music to distract from the driving wrong thing. It sometimes works! If my brother isn't being a total prick. The other stuff I never really considered doing before and now I'm like "why did I never consider this as an option???"
