sooo it's my second week of college. and i have spent most of today consumed with anxiety. this morning i had planned to acquire a necessary course reader for my Sexuality/Human Rights class (my most interesting class so far), but instead i just. laid in bed and scrolled through tumblr and panicked, until i got fed up with tumblr and just panicked. so far i haven't yet missed breakfast or class as a result of anxiety-induced paralysis, so that's. something. then in class i felt unreasonable anxiety, especially when i felt like whenever i spoke in response to the professor's questions, i managed to botch simple sentences. talking is not usually a problem for me and i would like it to stay that way. urges i've felt today: Spoiler: tw: self-harm thoughts -cry (like, srsly. i kinda wanted to curl up and weep. did not.) -hide in a small, enclosed space (my closet in my dorm room would probably do nicely), possibly while also crying -cut (note: i have never cut, possibly due to reading about the dangers of self-harm before i ever really felt the urges to do so, but the urges to cut are cropping back up again after pretty much disappearing during the summer) -scratch at my arms in lieu of cutting (did this a few times earlier, then put on a jacket) -draw bleeding cuts (did this a few times) -yell or scream (kept this one internal, thankfully) -destroy something (if any of my assignments were on paper, i'd be crumpling them) and it's just. yesterday i was pretty much fine?? most of last week: ranging from ok to pretty good. today i am a roiling storm of anxiety. what the fuck. maybe it sank in that i actually have assignments and responsibility again?? as a side note, most of this summer, i felt less depression and anxiety. in general, i felt very little to no depression while out on various vacations, and not much anxiety either; by contrast, once i actually got home, i started to feel stagnant, and sometimes felt dead inside, especially at 3 am. anxiety also picked up, but it wasn't nearly as much as the anxiety i feel today. and now i'm just. aaarrgghh i'm writing this and wanting to tear something apart instead of doing my data structures or calculus assignments, and i had originally planned to do one of those this timeslot. the former is more important, but luckily it is not due til tuesday. the latter is less important, but due tonight at 3 am. and i had been pretty excited to see that someone's playing mad max in an on-campus theater tonight, because i never got around to seeing that the first time round, but now i don't know if i can afford to go. arggh. at least i have 2 hours between my next Thing and the mad max showing, so maybe i can get some work done in those 2 hours and still go. i do plan to make an appointment for counseling with my university's mental health people. but even that will have to involve calling someone... or actually physically walking to the place. which actually the latter is preferable. but either way just. ggggggggggghgghghh. so i guess. if anyone has any advice for anxiety outlets that aren't, you know, harmful, that'd be welcomed. also any time management advice for a first year college student. that'd be cool too.
Oof, I had that happen to me, although it waited until I was several semesters into college. Definitely get in touch with counseling even though its hard. They're expecting freshmen to start calling in with anxiety and stress problems this time of year and they want you to do well. Some things that might help: -talk to someone! you're already doing that here but if there's anyone you know there yet, talk to them too -give yourself permission to do something fun and relaxing for you. even if you're busy, just 20 minutes. -if you're anxious about the work itself, pick an easy or quick part of it to do. 2 problems, read a few pages, set a timer for 15 minutes and work. The satisfaction of completing a task helps -breathing/relaxation exercises. That's probably one of the first things the counselor will talk about anyways If you start missing classes, talk to your school's disability office and professors. Don't do what I did and hole up in the dorm and not tell anyone you need help and fail everything. -100000/10 do not recommend
@Mentarnes Thanks for the advice! Yeah, I've definitely found that meditation/breathing exercises can work wonders, at least temporarily. I also have had big problems asking for help or implying that I could need help, except for this forum, generally... I think its roots are in my past as a "gifted' student. I definitely want counseling though, so hopefully I can get around to making an appointment tomorrow. (too late to do so today) - So, I felt much better after posting this thread and going to dinner, and only when I started to actually work on my calculus homework did I start to feel anxious and aggravated again. During a break I meditated, which did alleviate my feeling like crying. Now I'm mostly just left with aggravation. The problem is that this homework is kind of a "Do You Remember Pre-Cal" assignment, and a lot of the time the answer seems to be "Hell No, Pre-Cal Was Nearly 3 Years Ago". This wouldn't be so bad, but it's compounded by the rage-inducing online homework system my calc professor uses, in which you have a certain amount of attempts to correctly answer each multiple choice question, and you get more points from getting it right on the first try than from getting it right on subsequent tries. This would be fine, only - if you get it wrong, you get negative points. Guessing will hurt your score. So I'm actually pretty fucking motivated to NOT try on a problem I get stuck on, because I'll get negative fucking points! Okay, rant about our blindingly stupid system over. I was previously pretty upset about how long this assignment was going to take and how much it was going to make me despair, before I remembered: my calc teacher drops the lowest 3 homework grades of the semester. And honestly, using up one of those guaranteed drops might be worth not having to go through this emotional roller coaster of an assignment. Plus I'll get to see Mad Max after all.
I feel you. Asking for help is the worst. -waves pompoms- You can do it! I think we have some math people here who'd be willing to help if you're stuck and dont want to waste guesses (@TheSeer )
@Mentarnes Thanks! I will try to remember to call tomorrow. @TheSeer For this instance I think I'm good, but I will call you up if I need help with math in the future! Thanks for the offer!
Alright, so I now have an appointment for... well, nearly 2 weeks from now. Now I have to manage actually doing homework and adult shit like laundry instead of procrastinating on both because I procrastinate on everything.
Very detailed to do lists help me there. Like, instead of 'Go grocery shopping' on my list, I will put: - Go grocery shopping at store 1 - come home - put away groceries - grocery shopping at store 2 - come home - put away groceries You can do the same for laundry: - collect laundry - put in washing machine - Hang laundry, or - put laundry in dryer - Fold laundry - put away laundry It helps me visualise what needs to be done :)
Yaaaay I managed to turn in a late assignment (to my professor's TA) and then email my professor about it just in case. @Emma Thanks for the advice! I will be using that tonight when I attempt to do laundry. Honestly though like some of my friends have been discussing the possibility of getting an apartment together next year and I'm basically simultaneously going "!!! that would be awesome yes i love friends" and "...i would have to make my own food. a lot. help." I mean I've forgotten to eat lunch most days this week anyways, which is. Bad, I think. Yes. I probably need to establish a better routine, one that includes lunch. Somehow.
I'm not sure how much help I can be since the way I've coped clumsily is just the age old "ride it out" method, but I'm visiting the counseling services on my campus myself. I definitely feel like it's been helping. So yeah, keep on that I think. In terms of time management? Well, I do have a calendar hung up in my room, and I mark down all the important school dates ahead of time. Things like "Midterms begin now" "end of semester" "add/drop period for classes ends" that sort of thing. I also mark down dates for quizzes and exams from my classes after looking over all the syllabuses. Start dates and Due Dates for papers as well. Mostly this is because without that deadlines hit me like a brick wall. I also lose track of the passage of time easily, so that's an issue too. And also it helps me feel less stressed and more in control. If I need a reminder about anything, I put a sticky note over my desk where I work so that I constantly see it. If I need to remember something the next morning, I put a sticky note on my phone, the first thing I tend to reach for. Regarding computers in class: if you can concentrate in class with a computer in front of you go ahead because honestly I find taking notes in a word document easier. But be honest with yourself if you can't. While I type my notes in class, I actually do keep separate notebooks for taking notes while reading the textbooks at home. I find it feels like I'm absorbing the information I'm reading better that way. If you feel like that gets in the way of your reading progress though, you don't have to do it. Another thing I do usually when taking notes in class is write them down like I'm writing them for someone else, rather than myself. So for example, a good friend. I hope some of this information helps, in some way!
So far I seem to be noticing a lag: I post about needing to do something here, then I procrastinate about it for several days, then I actually do it. On a related note, I just completed several steps in "do laundry" - now I just have to wait half an hour for the washing machines to finish. @MintyJojo I've been taking notes on my laptop in my two computer science classes (my sexuality & human rights prof doesn't allow use of laptops and calculus notes are just better done on paper, as with most math) and... I'm honestly not certain whether I concentrate better or worse. I should experiment with that. Thanks for the advice!
Alright, so yesterday I had my counseling appointment thing. It was nerve-wracking, and I can say for a fact that I spent 70% of the session staring at either the floor, the wall, or the counselor's shoes. Afterwards I actually did feel kind of better having talked about it all, but I also came away feeling like I failed to communicate the true depth of my issues. I guess I'll write some stuff down to tell her next week? Yeah... Also, getting out of bed in time for a full breakfast in the dining hall instead of just a few donuts from the small store in our dorm has been. An issue. Along with remembering to eat lunch when no one invites me to have lunch with them. Does anyone have any tips for remembering things like food when your body doesn't communicate things like hunger very well, or for getting out of bed in the morning?
You're going to classes, and getting meals from the dining hall, right? Do you have classes that are just before lunchtime, so you could go get lunch before you even go back to your dorm? Or afternoon classes so you could incorporate getting lunch before them into a routine? In general, my recommendation for eating is make it a routine activity. Don't think about when you're hungry, just have times when you habitually go to the dining hall. Getting up, I can't help with.
For lunch I had a phone notification set for a while but it didn't work too well for me because phone noises never get high priority in how my attention gets split between things.
Tues-Thurs I unfortunately have classes from 12:30 to 3:30. If I get up early (say, 9) I could have breakfast, then have lunch right before class and dinner some hours after class. But I don't particularly like getting up at 9, so the other alternative is getting up whenever, having breakfast right before class and lunch right after class. And that's usually what I say I'll do, only then things like today will happen. (Today: I didn't get out of bed in time for a full breakfast, so I just had a donut. And then I didn't get around to eating lunch because I had more interesting things to do. And now it's nearing time for dinner and I've still only had a donut. Shit.) M-W-F I have convenient free time between 1 and 3, which is a pretty good time to have lunch. I just. End up reading and saying that I'll get lunch before class, only then it is time for class and I forgot to eat lunch and I don't register this hunger until like an hour after class fuck. (It doesn't help that the most convenient lunch location in that area is in the student activities center, which offers: 1) chinese food i don't care for 2) taco cabana, which is NOT an acceptable taco place 3) chick-fil-a, which... i will eat, but will not be enthusiastic about.) Yeah, that sounds like a pretty good idea. I've just been having trouble constructing some of these routines in general: getting up, eating, going to bed at a consistent time. (I've successfully made going to class routine, and also my getting ready for bed routine is pretty good but I haven't nailed down actually starting my getting ready for bed routine at a good time.) Some of these issues would clear up if I could actually establish these routines, aaargh. I may try phone notifications but I do tend to kind of ignore those :/.
Ok, so I found a handy little app called 30/30 which basically lets you create lists/routines which keep track of what you're supposed to be doing at a given time during said routine. This has helped a lot with getting up in the morning in time to eat breakfast and also with being roughly on time / less than 5 minutes late to class (although I still prefer getting to class about 5-10 minutes early for a good seat, but I'm working on that.) But I'm just. Aaagh there are so many things to do this week and things hanging over my head - 2 midterms this week along with 3 homework assignments, one due tonight, plus other obligations - and I've gotta find the time to do them all somehow gaaahhh. And. I guess I should start trying to make lists and schedule and. There's just so many things. I just want to read Star Wars fanfiction. My head vaguely hurts for no real reason. At least I had breakfast, lunch, and dinner today. That's something.
gaaaaaaaaaaah I FORGOT about an essay that was already late, I'm so fucked. THINGS, fuck. I feel like a roiling, thrumming mass of tension, contained in a shell of flesh. I feel like whatever I accomplish - say, eating a full breakfast, or getting to class on time - I fuck up something else. In this case, homework.
