not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I'd like to vent/get advice for how not to ruin a relationship. some background info: I was in an abusive romantic relationship with f 2012-2016 and have now been dating j since last summer and v since september -17. the problem for me is there are some superficial similarities in v and f:s ways of communicating, and it tends to make me panic and feel like everything is going to fall apart and there is no way this relationship will work. when this happens I am partly aware that this is not the same person and not the same situation and that theres likely a misunderstanding at the bottom of this, but I still get very upset. v notices this and while so far it hasn't stressed them out too bad, im afraid it will put a strain on our relationship. I dont want to be unfair to them, I dont want to blame my baggage on them and I dont want to feel like shit and panic, either. these miscommunications happen exclusively when were chatting and they're often about misunderstandings about how we've agreed to spend our time. we haven't had a lot of time to see each other lately so wee mainly been chatting. there are several things at work here: - time management was an issue with my ex. i felt like I was the only one trying to find time for us and that he didn't care about spending time together. - arguing/trying to sort out sensitive stuff via chat was something my ex and I tried to do a lot, and it never went well. - v seems more comfortable expressing themselves in writing than I am. they write long, complex sentences and messages that I have trouble parsing sometimes. they have this in common with f. - if I feel like theres been a misunderstanding i get very anxious until its sorted out. id like to sort things out right away, preferably on the phone and not through chat. - I am unable to discern tone in chat messages and often project my own feelings/interpret things in the worst possible way. I am fully aware that I do this but I can't stop myself and its very frustrating. so yeah theres probably a lot of stuff about my ex that I haven't processed and its affecting my current relationship. idk. im mad at my shit brain, tired of messing up all the time and anxious about causing v distress. anyone have any advice or something?
Well, i ruined everything. Ive just been feeling really bad since christmas and now i broke up with both the people i was dating. I just feel too exhausted to deal with any close relationships and it feels really sad. This came as a surprise to both my exes and theyre understandably pissed and worried.
It's not really great of them to be pissed. I understand being hurt, but blaming you is a less than ideal way to handle the situation.
