so i hang out in some skype chats, and i was asking around for things. and this one person, every time i ask for this thing, says "i can do it!" but. i don't like the way they do the thing. ever. so i tend to just beg out and go "i have other things to do i will get back to you later" because i feel like if i tell them no, it's gonna be a big huge deal where they start yelling how people hate them and don't like how they do the thing and they should die and i can't deal with that ever like. i just want some art. but i don't like the style you draw in, it's not what i'm looking for, it never has been. but i can't tell them that because as it so happens, bad shit such as yelling and tantrums happen. so i just. avoid it. and now i can't ask the chat for artists because it feels like person will pop up going "commission me!!" and i don't WANT TO. and every time i feel bad and it makes me feel like i have to and i really don't want to spend money on art i don't like. bluh. so. how the fuck do i even handle this shit????
-ask other artists in private? -look on other sites, so you don't have to involve anyone you know directly? -wait until several people are in the chat so they're not the only person responding and lead the topic with "i'm looking for an artist who can draw that kind of colors/linearts/background/whose art gives x/y feel", not just a general call for artists. (one that excludes her on totally objective stylistic differences!) and on top of seeing who in-chat is interested, also ask the chat if they have recommendations for artists not in the chat who would fit your criteria. that way if they're like "what about me?" you can be like "nah, your style is cute but i really don't think we can call it (quote from original parameters)" and then keep the discussion moving? once you said that "haha naww this and that don't resonate with the way i feel these characters sorry" just keep it moving if you can with the other people in the chat. if they try to drag you into a long convo why and trying to make you justify it, you repeat the same thing once -- "no, yout style is (cute/fun/neat) but seriously it does not fit with what i want" and then if they keep it up, "okay i'll try asking again later, guys, i'm going to watch a movie *SIGNS OFF*." the trick is to not apologize and let them talk you around and admit that they may possibly maybe sort of be right that your wants are the wrong thing to want (dude, you're paying for it, your wants are the only thing that matters), but to act vaguely bemused but not very concerned that they don't seem to get what you're saying and that's where the disconnect is coming from. but you expressed yourself clearly and it was not your intent to hurt them, they're the one hurting themselves by trying to make you change something they have no business changing, so like... to take some of the edge off their emotional storm, try to think of them as something like a slightly dumb dog or cat who doesn't get that the door has no pet door and they keep charging in, banging their head in, and then getting all huffy and trying again like a seventh try is going to magically make the door appear. Like... Okay, kitty, sorry that your head is bruised but you've done it to yourself and you're being kind of ridiculous atm. if they're determined to do the WAH YOU HATE ME BECAUSE OTHERWISE YOU WOULD VALIDATE ME BY BUYING MY ART BECAUSE MY ART STYLE (THAT I AM SELLING) AND ME AS A PERSON DEMANDING ADMIRATION ARE THE SAME THING, they're the one crossing boundaries and you can react with a nonplussed "whoa dude, your personality and your art are not the same thing, what the hell." of course if they're determined to beat themselves up/beat everyone up in public about how (you're totally telling them that) their art sucks and they suck because no one will love them because if people liked them they'd like their art which would magically make the art (objectiely) good... it's going to happen anyway, and i suggest you try to see it like the weather, and react with baffled disinterest. they want soothing and ego-feeding, and, okay probably also actual friendship, not honest feedback or a professional relationship, and they're using their art as a social bridge but that doesn't mean you have to deal with their art on those terms as well. i know because god, i did that, felt like there was nothing else interesting about me and hey, how do you make people like you??, so i'd just draw in my corner and then be like LOOK AT MY STUFF AM I NOT WORTH KNOWING?? like having a skill i could bribe people with and feel superior about was the same thing as being friendly and interesting. it's not a good coping mechanism or a good social trick and they're forcing you guys to reward them anyway via emotional blackmail, which is not cool at all. this person needs to be told that their attitude is counterproductive and driving away the very people they want to befriend, but depending on their personality it could unleash virtual hell in your community, so i certainly undersand cringing at the idea of even accidentally starting down that path. :/
@reiyel has absolutely good advice. Focus on what you do want out of the art so that it's not just coming off as "not [person's] style."
