You know, the one where you're worried that a thing is going wrong, and there is an easy way to check on the status of that thing, but you are so scared that you're afraid to find out because if the thing is going wrong what are you even going to do about it? I tell myself over and over that the objective truth of the situation does not change depending on whether I know about it. I tell myself that things may well be just fine and I'm worrying for nothing, and it would be so easy to find that out! I tell myself that if something's gone wrong, it will be easier to find out earlier and start doing something about it sooner than for everything to have more time to become more wrong. And I'm still just completely paralyzed. Rationality doesn't help. I have every good reason to check on stuff and no good reason not to do it. But I can't get that through to myself. I have three different issues in my life right now where this is going on, and it is so frustrating. I can think about the topic in the abstract, which is quite enough to get scared, but if my brain realizes I'm thinking something concrete (ie, I switch from thinking "I need to call the number to ask about my loan" to "let's find out when their business hours are"), the whole thought process just... stops. It's like I'm walking along and then a brick wall just slams down two steps ahead of me. Pushing myself to go further ends in weeping and panic and general emotional mess. The worst part isn't even the anxiety and/or panic (depending on the day). It's that sick sense of guilt at the end of the day that there was a thing that I could have done, that I even kind of wanted to do, that would have made my life easier, that I just didn't do. Again.
No good advice, but all the empathy; I have that issue too. It's gotten a lot better as my anxiety's gotten better, but I still don't really know how to deal with it.
oh goodness yes, i have a petition for special consideration i need to file with my faculty, and even though the worst-case scenario is that they say no i'm too scared to even start it, much less turn it in.
Solidarity. I sometimes manage to overcome this by going "I am very scared but if I do this anyway I will be facing up to my fear and being Brave, and being Brave is awesome." and then if I manage it, congratulate myself a lot.
